Best way to handle a breakup to best increase your chances of getting her back

[livingthedream]

Hi girls.

So my GF told me yesterday that she wants to take an indefinite break to re-assess our relationship. The reason being because I have become a bit over-affectionate and obsessive, and consequently I am having issues with insecurities and self-confidence. Whilst initially shocked and upset by the break up, I do agree with her reasoning, and I see it as a good opportunity to work on my issues (for example I am starting a mindfulness mediation course in a few days, and I am going to work hard on loving myself and developing a better understanding of the best way to approach relationships)

When my last GF broke up with me, I dealt with it really bad - I was texting/calling her, begging her to come back and telling her how sad i was etc. she naturally felt terrible about the break up, so insisted on continuing to visit me to try help me through the break up. Eventually this only complicated matters, and drew out the pain. Anyways, that break up was actually a blessing in disguise, because I wasnt actually happy in that relationship. I was just being delusional when she broke up with me.

However,the most recent GF, who just broke up with me yesterday, is someone who I actually saw a future with (and she, too, had mentioned the same about me, before thing started to get complicated as of recent).

And I guess my question is this: what is the best way to approach this in order to increase my chances of getting her back, if there is still potential there (As I mentioned, the point of this break up is to "re-assess")? And like I said, I am working on my personal issues. But what i mean is, should I break off all communication with her whilst we are having this break? And should I show her that I can do fine without her (which, i believe, with the right mindset, I honestly can do)?

I guess I would like some female opinions on the matter: Past break-ups - what have been the determining factors of whether or not you can rekindle the fire with him?

Thanks in advance

[smackie9]

Go no contact, be aloof, and if she text you but short with her. Start chatting with other girls. Before you know it you will start looking like a man again, and be desirable to her. You need to come off as untouchable if you want her to desire you.

[michelle23]

I agree with everything aove, apart from chatting to other girls. Dont try to make her jealous or you will lose her for good. Go no contact and wait for her to get in touch with you. If she doesnt after a month-it prob means its over

[smackie9]

I smell insecurity......oh that you michelle. Sorry but chatting with other girls increases a guy's value not deplete it. They are broken up, he can do whatever he wants. As long he doesn't sleep with anyone it's game on. I would give it a couple of weeks before doing it....

[chammie]

From the past relationships I had, most of the time I'm the first one to break it up... I find reasons for us to be over. Coz if I really want to still have this relationship, I will work out the problems WITH YOU... well, that's me, I dunno with your girl....

[smackie9]

I'm with you on that chammie, but there are those who don't know how to work it out with their issues with their s/o so they break up with them, give them space to force them make changes. I'm guessing it's a last ditch effort for him to stop being so clingy and insecure. Some also do the "let do a break" in order to slowly break up with their s/o because they are too difficult to deal with.

[chammie]

... but there are those who don't know how to work it out with their issues with their s/o so they break up with them, give them space to force them make changes...

As far as what I have observed, breaking up to give space to each other should be agreed by both parties... sadly, some use this lame excuse to, yeah like what smackie09 said, slowly break up with their partner...

[rob1984]

she`s a coward.

[smackie9]

As far as what I have observed, breaking up to give space to each other should be agreed by both parties... sadly, some use this lame excuse to, yeah like what smackie09 said, slowly break up with their partner...

From what I have seen, it's usually only one party wants the space because the issues lays with the other.

[chammie]

yeah that is why with their situation, that 'space' thingy should not be the solution....

[smackie9]

It never is.......

[livingthedream]

thanks everyone for the feedback, muchly appreciated.

to be honest, the vibe i get is that both myself and her need some space to figure things out, i really do agree with her reasoning. As much as the thought of losing her does scare me, I have been reading a lot of posts on here about this kind of situation, and i now understand that this is the reality of relationships - I just have to keep that in mind every time my mind wanders and i get worried about losing her. In the mean time, I'm going to work really hard on my insecurities etc, and i think its important that a) i let her know that i understand where she is coming from, and that Im ok with it (as opposed to trying to make her feel sorry for me) and b) to avoid contact with her, as tempting as it might be.

at this point in time, i am hurting quite badly, and i cant help but think how amazing it would be to call her and just talk to her, but im focusing on staying strong and level headed, and will get through this. At the end of the day, if it doesnt work out, it wasnt meant to be.

[smackie9]

It sucks but it's best to keep positive and to keep busy. Worrying does nothing except waste energy.

[chammie]

at this point in time, i am hurting quite badly, and i cant help but think how amazing it would be to call her and just talk to her, but im focusing on staying strong and level headed, and will get through this. At the end of the day, if it doesnt work out, it wasnt meant to be.

i felt bad

i felt the sadness...

i felt the pain ..

you can make it my friend...

[Boisdevie]

Break up to reassess = game over. So stop being in denial, fix yourself and get out there again.