Wanting to wait

[endamise86]

Hello,

I have recently started dating a girl +3months. Its a long distance relationship currently because of my job. But I drive up to visit her every other week and we talk everyday.. sometimes for well over an hour and a half. I waited quite a long time to just get a date with the girl (Timing can be everything.) Since we've started dating she has changed her mind of initmacy... Specifically sex.

In the past she has slept with numerous guys, but since I've come along she has changed her mind and wants to wait. She isn't specific as to how long she wants to wait but rather "whene it feels right." Claiming she has many regrets from things shes done in the past. For me this is extremely frustrating. Most if not all of the guys she has dated in the past would have slept with her by now. To me, it feels like she is just playing me. It has been very difficult for me to deal with this, I have tried talking to her about it but she just tells me, "Your a good looking guy, you can go out and find another girl that will give you that." Basically saying I should dump her?

I don't want to make it out like this is all I want. She is wonderful... Treats me well, great conversationalist, and actually has a general interest in me. She is really my dream girl. But this.. I am unsure of how to handle it.


Thanks in advance for any advice.

[smackie9]

The distance is the issue right off the bat. You don't spend a lot of one one time compared to those she has dated before. You need to let her know how serious you are with this relationship and agree with her that you both need more personal time with each other to properly get to know one another. Also she wants to know how committed you will be, like relocating for her, before she invests herself and her time into a serious relationship with you.

[smackie9]

"Your a good looking guy, you can go out and find another girl that will give you that." Basically saying I should dump her?

No this means since there is distance and you are good looking you have opportunity to cheat on her without her knowing.

[basilandthyme]

Personally, I'm a big fan of finding a person who meets my needs. Close proximity and sex are two of those needs. If a relationship was missing one of those two elements, then he wouldn't be a dream guy.

[chammie]

... "Your a good looking guy, you can go out and find another girl that will give you that." Basically saying I should dump her?

okay, my way of saying, "i will test how much you want to be with me"

[Boisdevie]

okay, my way of saying, "i will test how much you want to be with me"

I hate people who play silly games like that.

[smackie9]

I agree.....it's insecurity.

[toknow]

"Your a good looking guy, you can go out and find another girl that will give you that."

Lol...Don't fall for that trick.

[basilandthyme]

okay, my way of saying, "i will test how much you want to be with me"

And of course, it's your perogative to dump someone who plays stupid tests on you.

[Boisdevie]

Anyway, you're in a LDR so how do you expect to have sex together if you're not actually in the same room as each other? What a waste of time.

[Cerby]

Walk away, if sex is a basic requirement for you in your relationship and you're not getting it, just leave. You don't have to feel bad, it just isn't working out the way you want to.

[toknow]

If you really liked that girl, sex would be the last thing on your mind. And holding her hand would be just as pleasant to you - that's when you have real emotions toward that person. It seems it is not enough for you just being with her - you should be excited just to be near her if there were any real feelings. The way she moves, talks, the way she does things would be interesting and exciting to you. So, there is obviously a lot missing, if you need sex that bad. The emotional part of your relationship should be much more important than the physical. Sex is a wonderful part of a relationship, but definitely should not be the only thing that keeps you in a relationship.

[searock]

If you really liked that girl, sex would be the last thing on your mind.

This is a contradiction.

And holding her hand would be just as pleasant to you - that's when you have real emotions toward that person.

You get hard-ons and orgasms when you hold the hand of a girl you have real emotions towards? Creepy...

you should be excited just to be near her if there were any real feelings. The way she moves, talks, the way she does things would be interesting and exciting to you.

He never said they aren't.

The emotional part of your relationship should be much more important than the physical.

I think the physical and the emotional parts are complementary for a relationship to work.

Sex is a wonderful part of a relationship, but definitely should not be the only thing that keeps you in a relationship.

Definitely agree.

[michelle23]

I don't understand why people even try to do the whole long distance thing... Soo complicated. Okay OP, I think she is taking her time because she needs to be sure she can trust you before she sleeps with you. Maybe she has had bad experiences before or has done things she regrets and wants this to be different because she thinks you are special.

3 months seeing each other every 2 weeks. This means you've probably seen her 6-10 times?? That does not equal 3 months.

Maybe she never had that special first time experience that felt "so right". Maybe she really wants that with you. Maybe she can see a future with you and wants to look back on your first time as "special".

Who knows what is going on in her head but I don't think she is playing games with you. She is just being cautious.

[smackie9]

Or she just not letting him in on the other guy she is having sex with.