Feeling disconnected, helpless (Long, sorry!)

[creak1]

I've tried to write this about 5 times but feel like my story is so long that it will just bore readers. To cut a long story short, i have been with my partner for a year having met at university on the same course and leaving someone else who i was with for 3 year to be with him: main reasons being that i found myself and current boyfriend to be on the same wave length and that the we had some sort of fantastic connection, i found him to be very charismatic and interesting. We really just clicked and i felt like we really learned from one another, something i felt like i lacked with my ex. My ex was very loyal and loving, however I felt like i couldn't really be the person I wanted to be and achieve the things i wanted whilst I was with him.

Anyway at first our relationship was great, I really felt like we had so much fun, I really felt like he made me feel young and exciting something my ex didn't, as I felt like he was a much older man in a young 21 year-olds body.

I've always noticed that he was a bit self-centred, selfish and outspoken at times, but i always put it down to his family being the same way and him being quite distant from his family, having gone to boarding school and spending a year living abroad.

However, I recently have moved in with him. It wasn't an ideal situation both being in third year and him living with two of his male friends, but having had to move out of my place due to some issues with my landlord, and only 6 months of university left, he offered me to move into his flat. I feel like since being here I have made so much effort to make it easy for him. I've kept myself busy and out most of the day, and haven't tried to spend every evening with him. This has been met with him saying he hates me living here because we don't get to see each other. I then tried to spend a bit more time with him, trying to get us to spend a few evenings a week together doing just something for us, stopping all work to do something together whether its just watching a movie, going out for a drink or going to a museum. But he's really started to switch of from me, and even his flat mates. He always puts me down and doesn't realise how much he's hurting me, he continually calls me boring or says things like ' cool story' after everything i say. Its got to the point where i feel like i can really relax around him, because I'm not sure what he wants me to do to make everything interesting. Everything I offer to do for him thats nice, he gets grumpy about and finds something to nit pick with, and anything i do say, whether its something that been in the news recently to just to debate about he calls me dumb and stupid. I feel always on edge. The thing is, he's really not very interesting either, all he does lately is university work and I feel like he constantly wants to be ahead of me. He's making me feel so anxious and nervous about everything, i feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshell. I feel constantly put down with things and I feel like I always have to impress him but he's never pleased by anything.

Today is valentines day and I got him a card two days ago that had some really sentimental memories in it of me and him. and then today i recreated a meal we had in italy together and rearranged my room and got all dressed up and though we could just spend the evening sipping wine and having a laugh together, but when i was making it he kept telling me to hurry up because he was hungry and then when i made it and he came in i felt like he had nothing to say to me and he just said he was tired and went to bed by 9pm. I feel so worthless, and its making me really defensive and upset about things. I don't know what to do anymore because i do love him. When we're apart he does say he wants me home and he misses me, but then when I'm back i feel like he wants me to make all the effort and its really not fair. He's making me so anxious and i don't feel happy anymore. I have so a lot of friends, and used to be confident in who I was, however now he's making me question whether I even am an interesting person and I swear to god its affecting how I function now, I can't seem to focus on anything and am constantly worried about things. I try talking to him about it but he says he can't deal with it. The next day things pick up a bit but then it always starts again. Someone please help me!

[michelle23]

You should never have left your ex for this selfish, insensitive, mean bully. The grass is not greener-rarely ever is. You loved your ex and he was prob much better for you..

You were just infatuated by ur current bf-but now that is wearing off and reality is sinking in. This 99% of ghe time happens when u hop from one psrtner to the next.

You should end it and be alone until you are ready for something else. By the sounds of it you have a lot of maturing to do to make sure you dont make the same mistake again.

[creak1]

You're right, i feel like an idiot in all of this. I think what was infactuation, i was mistaking for fallin in love. It sounds like everythings been awful but it hasn't, we have had some great times together, and at first he was very thoughtful. I'm really not sure whats changed and i feel very cheated as I think all i have shown is love to him. To be totally honest though I do feel like my time with my ex was coming to an end. I have a lot of respect for him but having pretty much grown up together it got really difficult when we started to grow up and I think we started to drift our separate ways. But I will still always love him. I do love my current partner but I can't really take this anymore. He does say he loves me and that i am a apart of his family now, but i'm not sure why he keeps doing this, I feel like he can never really be happy in anything. Its really difficult right now, as if i didnt live with him, it would really affect my last few months of university as I would have to move home and have a long commute. Its so hard because despite this I do love him, I just feel like this is just the way he is, he has had a hard upbringing and family life and I do feel like this is a factor in his behaviour, but I'm not sure if I'm just making excuses now.

[michelle23]

Stay living with him but back off. Do your own thing and let him chase you a bit stop saying you love him and stop trying so hard to make him happy. It is not your job to make him happy. Its your job to love him for who ihe is and by the sounds of it-he doesnt deserve all the effort your putting in.

He is treating you badly so stop making excuses for him. He is finding fault with everything you do and making you feel unloved, underappreciated and like this is all your fault which its not.

Hes distant and pushing you away. Prepare yourself for the worst now. A breakup is on the way and you need to be prepared. Focus on yourself, your study, your friends etc. It sounds like you have bent over backwards for him but nothing you do is good enough.

Play him at his own game and if he thinks hes about to lose you he may try harder but i doubt it. It sounds like he has lots of issues and his past or anything else is no excuse to treat you this way.

[basilandthyme]

Creak, don't be too hard on yourself. If your ex was meant for you, then you wouldn't have left him. Sure, it wasn't the wisest thing to jump from one straight to another - but hey, sometimes the grass CAN be greener. My sister left an awful ex for someone else and it was the best thing she ever did. She married the new guy and they've been happy together for many years.

At any rate, you can only deal with the situation you are in now. The new guy is wrong for you and you know it. Time to end it.