Online friendship - next step?

[bearz]

A little about myself: I'm 31 and single, have been pretty much for my whole life. Never had a serious relationship with anyone. I'm lonely and am desperately wishing for the girl of my dreams to sweep me off my feet some day. But unfortunately, I'm not really an outgoing person so the chances of meeting anyone are pretty slim for me. I would consider myself average looking, not too thin, not overweight, and I try to take care of myself. anyway...

So here's my problem: I've met this girl online about a month ago and we've slowly been getting to know each other. What started out as just a casual chat here and there turned into what I think a good online friendship. We chat everyday, we text each other a lot and also talk on the phone. We have exchanged pictures as well. I'm the happiest guy on the planet when I talk with her or when I get a text message from her. I constantly think about her even when I am busy at work, or doing something with other people. She is always on my mind. Not being closer, not knowing her better, and not knowing what the future might bring is driving me insane. I sometimes feel sick to my stomach, can barely sleep at night - I'm pretty much an emotional wreck these days. And for the record, I'm not in love. I just know that there is this person out there that I get along with very well, a person that I would like to meet to see if there is more in store for us or not. And if there is not, that's ok. At least I tried and it just wasn't supposed to be. But without knowing this I can barely breathe.

I have been quiet to her, and people we both know, about my feelings because I don't want to scare her away or give her the wrong impression. I have been in similar situations before and as soon as I mentioned that I would like to meet the other person to get to know them better, everything went downhill and pretty much to shit. So I don't want to make that same mistake yet again. I really appreciate our friendship right now and I hate to lose that over me just acting stupid. I really couldn't ask for a better friend. But having all these emotions and unanswered questions is killing me. How can I tell her that I would like to meet her without sounding creepy? I'm not looking for a date, I'm not looking for sex, I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to get to know her in person and have a cup of coffee or something. What am I supposed to do? I need help.

I forgot to mention, she lives quite a bit away from me, so it would require a long drive or a plane ride to visit her - both I would be willing to do.

[Saya]

Since you two only have beeb talking for one month, Perhaps get to know her well before you mention to her about meeting each other in person?
Don't rush things and take it slow.

[bearz]

Since you two only have beeb talking for one month, Perhaps get to know her well before you mention to her about meeting each other in person?
Don't rush things and take it slow.

Easier said than done. =/ Even though we have been only talking for a little more than a month, we do it for at least an hour almost every night. I'm so happy when I get to talk to her, and I feel so miserable at times when I can't.

[gloria_14r]

I may not be the right person to asnwer this, but still would like to tell u this - Just put ur proposal in front of her without making urself sound pushy or desperate. Tell her clearly that ur intention is to know her more and nothing else and if she wanted she could even bring her friends..something like a double date. If she has the same thing on mind she would say yes. Atleast you would know whats on her mind which would also help you not to ponder much over that subject and get over it. You can always end up being best online buddies if it does not turn out to be what you intend to. All the best!

[bearz]

She has dropped little hints here and there, saying she wouldn't mind meeting me if I was ever in her area on multiple occasions. But saying it and actually following through are two different things and I'm just worried that I'll be too pushy. I was close to asking her a few times, but never did because I was scared it would make things awkward.

[Boisdevie]

If you're in her area then meet up. Why not? But what do you seriously expect of this friendship? Since seeing each other on a regular basis is impossible on account of the distance why is the point?
And if you're 31 and never had a serious relationship then you need to do some serious self examination here. Why are you still single?

[bearz]

I can list every possible reason for why I have never had a serious relationship but it would just be a huge downpouring of self-pitty and I doubt it's going to help me. But in a nutshell, one could say I'm a 20 year old trapped in a 31 year old body - if that makes any sense. I have pretty much thrown away the last 10-12 years of my life after I had to move to a different country against my will. I lost connection to the real world at that point and haven't been able to get it back. I have no real friends, I'm very shy, and I have very little self-confidence.

I am really happy that I have met this person online and that we have been able to share so much about our lives in so little time. I truly appreciate her as a friend and I wouldn't want to give that up for anything. And for any normal person this wouldn't be an issue, but there is this part of me that has been empty and lonely for so long now and I'm just wondering "what if she might be the one"? I am not kidding myself, I'm not in love, nor do I think I have romantic feelings for her. But I do want to meet her, get to know her, and find out if there even is a chance that there could be more in store for us in the future.

[michelle23]

I think you should just go for it. Shes already said shed like to meet you. Ask her would she like to meet for lunch (somewhere public) so you can get to know each other better. Be honest-say you like her and would love a date

[Boisdevie]

I am not kidding myself, I'm not in love, nor do I think I have romantic feelings for her. But I do want to meet her, get to know her, and find out if there even is a chance that there could be more in store for us in the future.

Fine. But since you live a long way from each other what is the point? If you turn out to get on really well you'll still never get much chance to see each other so unless you can invent a teleport device you're screwed. Make friends in your own town.

[bearz]

I think you should just go for it. Shes already said shed like to meet you. Ask her would she like to meet for lunch (somewhere public) so you can get to know each other better. Be honest-say you like her and would love a date

I would love to be honest with her and just tell her exactly that. But I have been in a similar situation like this before and whatever we had quickly deteriorated after I had told her that I like her and would like meet her some day. I just don't want this to happen again. But I guess I have no choice if I don't want to be this miserable for much longer.

Fine. But since you live a long way from each other what is the point? If you turn out to get on really well you'll still never get much chance to see each other so unless you can invent a teleport device you're screwed. Make friends in your own town.

I really don't see that distance as being too far, especially if it's really only going to be a friendship and nothing more. If she was living across the country it would be different.

I agree with your last comment, but that's a whole different can of worms and while it is the reason for me being in this situation, the likelihood of me getting my life in tact in a reasonable amount of time is very small compared to actually visiting her.

[bearz]

Well we talked about meeting up last night and it looks like it's going to happen pretty soon actually. I'm really excited now. I just hope I don't say anything stupid to her in the meantime and blow this whole thing. I'm not really good with keeping my feelings and emotions to myself when I really should.

[michelle23]

Stop worrying-the more you worry-the more mistakes you will make. She is just a normal person like you and me. Nothing to be nervous of or intimidated by and she likes you it will be fine

[bearz]

Stop worrying-the more you worry-the more mistakes you will make. She is just a normal person like you and me. Nothing to be nervous of or intimidated by and she likes you it will be fine

I'll try my best. Thank you and everyone else for the advice.

[Boisdevie]

Good luck. Just try to stay calm.

[bearz]

So now that we have actually talked about meeting up and are trying to make it happen, I am having a really hard time to act just like a normal friend. There is definitely some infatuation but I don't want to tell her how I feel until I have actually met her in person. It is so hard to not get carried away when I get texts from her that just put a huge smile on my face, or when I talk to her on the phone before we go to bed and we both are just silent for a few seconds. It's so tempting to say "I wish you were here right now". What can I do to make this easier for myself?