Despreretaly needing advice for this girl.

[manitari]

Hello everyone. Even though it is a long story I will try and keep it as short as possible.

Last September I met a girl in my college who seemed to be very interested in me. She asked for my phone, she asked me to go out with her, she complimented me and generally she seemed attracted to me. However, I had a gf at that time and I was very cold to her when discussion became more "spicy". An example to understand how I reacted to her- she called me once or twice and I didn't even respond. I wasn't rude to her. On the opposite. I just made her understand that I didn't want to go further with her.

However, after 3-4 months I decided to break up with my girlfriend and approached this girl. She was open to me once again, she told me things like that she prefers actions to words and things like that. So I thought that she was still interested in me. So I invited her to my home where I would bewith a friend of mine to come with a friend of her. She rejected me telling me that she doesn't go to houses of strangers. I didn't give up and I told her that then she would have no rejection to going for coffee with me. She said ok. But when the day to go out with her came last night I got so much drunk that I told her I could not go out and I'd prefer if she came to my home. And this time she said yes. Anyway, she came to my home we talked a little we kissed and generally we did everything apart from sex(oral neither). Even though I wanted to have sex with her and I tried to touch her she stopped me each time. After the thrird or fourth time I asked her why didn't she want to have sex with me even though se seemed to enjoy what was happening she told me that she didn't know me and it was kind of pointless to have sex with me as it would have been without substance and that we didn't share anything. I told her it is ok if she didn't want.

Anyway, I then asked her what will happen between us. She told me she is confused. She didn't do well in the college exams and there are some problems that are the main focus of her for this period. And that she wanted some time to think. Anyway, I told her it is ok and that she should take some time to consider it. But then she changed. Before what happened between us she was always responding to me immediatly, on FB she was the one to start the conversations and then after what happened she changed. I was always the one to initiate conversation(for simple things not related to what happened) and she was very cold, with one word answers.

Anyway, after a week I told her that I want to meet her. We met and she told me that there are problems in her life that make relationships a second thought. It is not that she doesnt want a relationship but it is the fact that she doesnt'a chase a relationship. So it depends on the other to make her want a relationship. To which I responded how do I know when you will want a relationship or that when you will want a relationship that you will make it with me? You can't know that. Then do we stop here I said? She responded that I should keep in mind that from her man she needs to feel protection, safety etc... and to take into account what happened between us which shows tha there is something going on. She even told me that she didn't plan to do all of these with me when she came to my home. I just made her want it. And in a similar way I should make her want the relationship. I said ok I understand and then we seperated. She went to her city for some days and I to my own. Since then(2 weeks ago) we have spoken only once via facebook where she told me she is fine etc and made me understand that she doesn't have anymore these problems she had told me about. She told me she goes back to the city where we study tommorow and asked me when do I go(in a week) Once again though she was a bit cold at the end of our conversation...

So, do you think I should try with this girl? Is she playing with me? And how do I proceed? Do I keep initiating conversations with her? Do I phone her? Do I message her on the phone that I miss her? Opinion?

[michelle23]

Did you dump your ex for this girl or was it because you were not happy? If you dumped someone for someone else-your very immature.

This new girl does not trust you. You were way too forward with her and she thinks you are a sleaze. You sound brain dead to be honest.. Do you not know anything about girls? She wanted to take things slow and you rushed her so now she thinks your a dweeb..

What is wrong with being a gentleman? Taking her out on a date, taking your time to get to know her as a person until you are both ready for more? Or are you just not that kind of guy?

You sound young, immature, lacking in social skills and obviously not ready for a relationship of any kind. I suggest you apologize to this girl for pushing her into something she did not want to do and leave her alone.

[manitari]

First of all you don't know me. Secondly, I dumbed my girl for reasons unrelated to this girl.

I was honest with her. If I weren't ready for a relationship of any kind I wouldn't be in a relationship for 3 years with my previous girlfriend. And how did I push her into something she didn't want? I really don't understand your reasoning? I am not defensive I just don't understand your point.

[michelle23]

You tried to touch her 3-4 times and she stopped you. It was the first time you and she met up properly (a date) and it led to you trying to have sex with her. Any girl with self respect would be upset by that.

Id feel cheap if a man treated me like that. You were supposed to meet her for coffee.. not for sex..

[michelle23]

and you were drunk.. Also she had to explain to you why she doesn't want to sleep with you. She doesn't have to explain herself to you. She doesn't even know you by the sounds of it. She wanted to get to know you better.

[michelle23]

"She rejected me telling me that she doesn't go to houses of strangers....Even though I wanted to have sex with her and I tried to touch her she stopped me each time. After the third or fourth time I asked her why didn't she want to have sex with me... But then she changed. Before what happened between us she was always responding to me immediatly, on FB she was the one to start the conversations and then after what happened she changed. I was always the one to initiate conversation(for simple things not related to what happened) and she was very cold, with one word answers".

Do you see my point? If I was this girl that is exactly what I would be thinking-what I said to you in my first response. She thinks you just wanted to use her for sex. She feels ashamed of whatever happened that night and does not want a repeat..

[manitari]

I wasn't drunk. That was the day before. Because of the headache I didn't want to get out and wanted to stay at home. Furthermore, you have misunderstood something. She touched me. And when I say touched me you know what and where I mean. She didn't let me touch her "down" at all. She undressed herself(the top only). So it wasn't exactly forcing her to do something she didn't want.

[manitari]

Fair enough. You have a point. I don't want to leave her though. I am very interested in her. What do I do from now on? Keep in mind that afterwards when we met she told me she wants to keep in touch with me and go out etc etc etc.

[michelle23]

I wasn't drunk. That was the day before. Because of the headache I didn't want to get out and wanted to stay at home. Furthermore, you have misunderstood something. She touched me. And when I say touched me you know what and where I mean. She didn't let me touch her "down" at all. She undressed herself(the top only). So it wasn't exactly forcing her to do something she didn't want.

Just coz she touched you-does not mean she was ready to have sex.