Friends who become more then friends

[tayte2003]

I have been friends with a woman for years. We have both been hurt in past relationships. recently one night we fooled around. We did not have sex. she wouldn't talk to me about it for a week. and only talked to me about it after a week of me trying to understand what she wanted. She said she loved me but. But not in love with me then she said she was confused. Then she said she has been hurt too many times. then she said she is backing off as to not get hurt. She could have said those things not to hurt my feelings. I told her I was in love with her. I have probably been in love with her for for awhile. Or maybe for a long time. I don't know. I do know the night we slept together a lot of emotions came out out and we both said I love you. So a week later when we did talk about about it. We said we would keep it as friends. Many times I will stay over on weekends on the couch. This past weekend her daughter who is 23 had a boyfriend sleep over on the couch. So she said I would sleep with her. And stated just sleep. I got in bed and we laid there a while then she wanted to cuddle and put her head on my chest and held my hand. She had to get up at 5am to go to work. neither of us could fall asleep for a long time. we changed cuddle positions many times. and hugged. As usual she says nothing about it. A few days later I text her saying I thought cuddling was great. and I want to cuddle again. neither of us are dating or seeing anyone. I told her when it comes to her. I will take what she is willing to offer. That I am not worried about sex. That cuddling with her felt great. I felt the affection and I know she did too. That it was like medicine that made you feel good for days. I explained or pleated my case that. I said we are friends and do not have affection. (meaning with others) I said whats wrong with two friends who want to give comfort to one another and get comfort from one another. and that getting laid is not affection. In other words not what I am about. Not that either of us go out and do that. So her reply was a smiley face. thats it. She does that a lot. I express or ask something and she avoids answering and keeps things inside. Thats the way she is. I accept that ecen though it can drive me nuts sometimes. Just so you have our background. In the last 3 years. She has had sex once maybe twice. For me I have had sex twice with two different women and dated a woman for 5 months. I used to have a good job as a manufacturing engineer. I was laid off and now paint to pay the bills. She is a nurse. I do feel she does not want to be with me because right now in my life I do not have much to offer as far as finance. She makes good money but lives week to week as well. Times are tough. She Has a 23 and 5 year old daughter that live with her. The father of the 5 year old is a dead beat. I posted this because she is always on my mind. And it hurts at times. Thank You! Any advice welcome

[smackie9]

So sorry but you fall into the dreaded catagory of "cuddle bitch" which is just a step up from being in the friends zone. She is emotionally attached to you but not sexually attracted to you. This is what make men and women different. Affection to us mostly is comfort not sexual like it is to guys. She has a tough go of things in her life that makes her feel very vulnerable, and all she is looking for is to feel safe, comfort and support.

You are not going to get what you want from her, you are just wasting your time. I suggest you focus on moving on.

[Boisdevie]

If I were in bed with a woman and we just cuddled I'd suspect that there was something going wrong here. Cuddling is for nervous virgins and loony religious Americans.

[Love'sReject]

If I were in bed with a woman and we just cuddled I'd suspect that there was something going wrong here. Cuddling is for nervous virgins and loony religious Americans.

....so funny you mention that. That happened to me and have been pondering what it meant. Now I know..

[tayte2003]

I talked to a friend who has known both of us for a long time. He said she was afraid of crossing that bridge. and losing our friendship. Because I have always been there for her. And she is afraid of getting hurt. All I know is that I would never hurt her. I would do anything for her. So What you all are saying is that I am in love with someone who is not available. If That is the case. That sucks

[tayte2003]

I'm not religious. And you dont have a clue.

[tayte2003]

I hear what you are saying. How are you so sure she is not attracted to me. But I think you misunderstood one thing. I actually said Sex is not affection. Cuddling is. If you cuddle with a one night stand. Its not affection. not like with someone you love.
Thanks for your reply

[LCorcoran]

I have been in a similar situation, as a female, and for me it wasn't that I didn't feel physically attracted to my friend, it was that I was not in a place to take the risk of losing what I already had. I had a number of barriers in my life that meant I did not feel able to commit and have the responsibility of making things work. I hope that you can maintain your relationship with your friend, and her desire to keep you close means she does think very highly of you, and wants to keep you close.

[smackie9]

"She did admit she was afraid of crossing that bridge and losing our friendship".


This is exactly what women/girls say when you are friend zoned. If they truly felt sexually attracted to you and have true desire for you, they don't come up with excuses, they take the risks.

I'm not saying your friendship is wrong, and you shouldn't continue, by all means enjoy the friendship. Just don't be surprised one day when she tells you she's met someone new and she is dating them.

[michelle23]

I disagree with smackie here. I see a women who feels vulnerable. Shes been let down by many men and is scared to get too close as she doesnt want to be hurt.

I think deep down she wants you as a partner-not as a cuddle buddy or as a sex buddy. You are both at a mature age and prob dont have time for all that nonsense. Im 23and have no time for that crap-never did.. I think she is just protecting her fragile heart

[smackie9]

Of course you do but this is different. They have been friends for a very long time, he has been very emotionally supportive, protective and has been very good to her. He has proved to her that he isn't into her just for sex, and isn't pushing it. If it's her insecurity about having been hurt in the past, what reason has he given for her not to trust him?

She said she loves him but is not IN love with him. That is total friends zone. Emotionally attached, not sexually attracted. She misses being in love, and having affection, that's why she got weak and made out with him.

This is one of those situations where communiation is needed, to see where each person stands, and what there expectations are. This sitting and waiting for something to develop is a waste of time.

Oh well time will only tell.