Why would he lie about his name?

[Confusedgirlie]

Hey,

I normally wouldn't come to a site like this and ask a question but I'm truly at a loss.

2 weeks ago on an online dating site I met this guy, we spent 10hrs of our first date just talking to each other and never has it been more easy to be in anybody's company. He asked if I'd be his girlfriend and I readily accepted especially as he was saying and doing all the right things. We have no need for the tv as we just talk, it's really unusual and made us feel very close to each other. He's said that he's falling for me and all the usual right things to make me feel safe, protected and secured.

I thought he was too good to be true and before I completely fell head over heels I had to know so I did some online work and sure enough he's not who he says he is. Everything he's told me is confirmed other than his name, why would there be the need to lie about this?? I'm beyond devastated because now I don't know whether to believe him about other things such as he's had to go home because his father has just died.

I know the obvious would be to walk away and everything in my body is screaming to do it but there just something about him which draws me to him. If he only wanted naughtiness he could have had that without the back story and drawing me in by sending me pictures from his childhood and of his family as well as making all sorts of lovely promises for the future.

Why guys, why would someone, anyone do this?

[ashley89]

have you ever seen the MTV show catfish? lol this sounds a lot like a scenario from that show. I don't know why he would lie, maybe to conceal his true identity? have you asked him about it?

[Confusedgirlie]

Hi Ashley, no can't say I have to be honest. I haven't had the chance to speak to him about it as he's with family after his father died. Have absolutely no idea how I'm going to start that particular conversation.

[Boisdevie]

I don't know you would confront him but you have to. And also this struck me

making all sorts of lovely promises for the future.

Making lovely promises after one date? That just seems very very wierd. You both sound incredibly desperate.

[Confusedgirlie]

Ha ha ha, thanks for your input boisdevie, we haven't had just one date, we've seen each other every other day since we've met and been in contact regularly during every day. To say that we sound desperate is actually quite insulting to hear.

[Rowen]

No offense, but it sounds to me like this is hiding something. What it is, I'm not sure. But there's DEFINITELY something being hidden here, and I'm not just talking about the name...

Have you confronted this guy, at all? And if so, what did he say? I wouldn't confront him, if I were you... I would dig around to see what I could find...


(By the way, this is always why I google every guy I talk to before meeting them- find out everything from criminal records to the square footage of their house... Yeah, I'm a bit creepy/paranoid when it comes to that... :S)

[Boisdevie]

No offense, but it sounds to me like this is hiding something.

No sh.it Sherlock. Like his NAME?

[pcmaster]

Nickname, two names in passport. How can you be so sure he lied. Maybe he officialy changed his name. Just ask. I could lie about my age but lying about name dont make sense.

Suck his cock and ask him whats happening. He will have no escape.

[halfandhalf12]

In my opinion, I think that perhaps he was concerned about what people would think about him being on an online dating site. Many people are afraid of what others will say if they see them on an online dating site. Online dating has an "image" so to say, in which people seem to think that it is only for people who aren't "good" enough to get "real" dates in person. Of course, this is just nonsense, but it is the way that society seems to view things these days. The guy has shown you pictures from his childhood and expressed a pretty deep interest in you. I question where your trust in him is though, since you felt the need to "research" his background and so forth. I understand that you met him through an online site, and I know it is better to be safe than sorry. However, you don't want to get in the habit of "researching" everything that he tells you....because in many cases, that can lead to misunderstandings, distrust, and create unnecessary problems. I really think he didn't use his real name on the site because he didn't want any of his friends or family to know that his online profile was his. I have a feeling that if that is the case, then he was waiting until you were a little more serious, and then would tell you his real name. Also, if you just come right out and tell him that you "researched" him to see if he was telling the truth, that may cause a problem and may look a little creepy to him. I would just ask him questions about whether he goes by other names or has nicknames....take what he says and accept it for now. Then give it a little more time and readdress it. I just wouldn't jump right in to asking him straight up right away. I really don't think he is hiding anything major since he has let you in on many others parts of his life, and it is still very early for you two. Pace yourself, don't fall too quickly. Give the relationship time to develop. You can still spend time together and be intimate without having to have a title. I understand that can be a very exciting thing to call each other girlfriend and boyfriend, but those titles will still be there a few weeks or months down the road. Just enjoy getting to know each other and maybe all of this will work itself out in to the open over time. Best of luck!

[ashley89]

Hi Ashley, no can't say I have to be honest. I haven't had the chance to speak to him about it as he's with family after his father died. Have absolutely no idea how I'm going to start that particular conversation.

it is a show where people meet people online and are in relationships with them, but for one reason or another one of the people doesn't want to meet up in person. this guy comes in and arranges for the two to meet and usually they end up finding out all this stuff about them that isn't true, like they lie about their name, job, what they look like, etc. your situation reminded me of a scenario from that show

[basilandthyme]

I know a few people who go by different names. Two have stage names and two didn't like their christian name and use another.

What do his friends call him? If they call him the same name as he gave you, then I'm sure it's fine. Exclude his mother from your observations....mothers tend to use the name a child was given.

[Rowen]

No sh.it Sherlock. Like his NAME?

Obviously, you didn't bother to read the rest of my post, Watson. When someone hides their name, there's always a reason behind it- something more that they're hiding that's bigger than their personal label. If she keeps digging, she'll probably find it. If you had bothered to read more than one line, you would have have seen the obvious point I was making. But thank you for making me laugh. Hahaha

In my opinion, I think that perhaps he was concerned about what people would think about him being on an online dating site. Many people are afraid of what others will say if they see them on an online dating site. Online dating has an "image" so to say, in which people seem to think that it is only for people who aren't "good" enough to get "real" dates in person. Of course, this is just nonsense, but it is the way that society seems to view things these days. The guy has shown you pictures from his childhood and expressed a pretty deep interest in you. I question where your trust in him is though, since you felt the need to "research" his background and so forth. I understand that you met him through an online site, and I know it is better to be safe than sorry. However, you don't want to get in the habit of "researching" everything that he tells you....because in many cases, that can lead to misunderstandings, distrust, and create unnecessary problems. I really think he didn't use his real name on the site because he didn't want any of his friends or family to know that his online profile was his. I have a feeling that if that is the case, then he was waiting until you were a little more serious, and then would tell you his real name....

I have so many problems with this...

First of all, while I do agree with the entire thing about people being a bit embarrassed about online dating, it's not THAT bad. It's certainly gotten to be more acceptable; there's actually a higher rate of people meeting online in today's world. It goes along with the technology boom. Just think of how many people update their Facebooks. Everyone connects themselves to one another, especially when dating sites like Zoosk and MeetMe are linked to social networks like that. So, I would say this is slim for it, but an acceptable reason.
Second. Her trust in him? He didn't tell her his name. How could she trust anything he said? For that matter, why should she?
Third. She met this guy online; naturally, she should at least google him to make sure he's real. Yes, googling someone doesn't necessarily mean they're real either, but it's better than going in completely blind. Not to mention, if a guy is hiding something, shouldn't she know? Especially in a case like this... Regardless, there's something more to this than just the name being hidden.

I'd just move on, OP. It's not worth it. It never is.

[basilandthyme]

When someone hides their name, there's always a reason behind it- something more that they're hiding that's bigger than their personal label. If she keeps digging, she'll probably find it.

To give the benefit of doubt, what about the people who go by a different name because it's their stage name or they simply don't like their first name? I know people who fall into both categories. They aren't hiding anything.

Before making a judgement call, it's important to find out what name they go by in public. If the name they tell you is what their friends call them, I see no red flags.

[michelle23]

You said "it all seemed too good to be true" he was "making plans for the future" already, "all these promises" combined with the "lie" is a major red flag.

When he comes on this strong-its normally a player or narcissist getting their claws into you-making you so obsessed that when he starts to show his true colors you will be sucked in so deep-you'll find it hard to get out...

These are all major warning signs and plus the fact you met him online and know nothing about him-I suggest you run and don't look back

[Rowen]

To give the benefit of doubt, what about the people who go by a different name because it's their stage name or they simply don't like their first name? I know people who fall into both categories. They aren't hiding anything.

Before making a judgement call, it's important to find out what name they go by in public. If the name they tell you is what their friends call them, I see no red flags.

Fair enough. But does he have anything to do with theatre or anything of the like? I'm just going on what she told us, and she mentioned nothing of theatre to my knowledge.