Looking for male opinions

[barbella]

Hey would appreciate some male input here. I apologize in advance as this will probably be lengthy.

I have a guy friend I've known through work about 3 1/2 years. We do not work together, his company is contracted by my company. At the time we met he was a single guy of 24, me married and 38. I was unhappy in my marriage for quite some time however he had no way of knowing this. We immediately clicked as friends despite the age difference. Always had something to talk about. The first year we didn't deal with each other as much but after that it was pretty regular contact. We talked and texted a lot about anything and everything. He started telling me things like I talk about you all the time and I don't know why. This later became I talk about you so much people think we have something going. He would tell me I was perfect and he needed to find someone like me his age (as long as I've known him he said he didn't want a relationship). I didn't take any of this as flirting because I was married and I'm not his type physically.

I'm not really sure how the flirting started but pretty sure he started with me. Little things like standing close to me so his body touched mine and bumping into me when walking. Also comments like you look extra pretty today. I really enjoyed this especially because of what I was going through at home and I started responding with flirting and dirty jokes. This went on for a few months, at this point I had "the talk" with my husband. I never flirted with any other guy despite being unhappy I was faithful. But I knew I could no longer lie to myself or my husband, not fair to either one of us. A few weeks after that I confided in my friend.

Once I told him I felt he immediately backed off the friendship some. I'll say I've always known he loves female attention but from those he considers "safe" because of the anti relationship attitude. We did still talk often I just felt it was a little less. He'd asked me to come over the day I told him but I didn't. It was a month after I confided in him before we "hooked up". It was odd to me that with him it felt very comfortable and very right something I've never felt before, maybe because we were such good friends first. (due to a joke at work I'm like his adopted mother) The first time he said he'd been waiting for this day for a looong time.

Work has been busy and stressful for him and I do feel we talk less and lost some if the friendship but I guess that's inevitable after sex with friends? This has been going on about 9 months. We definitely talk more than we have sex. It averages to maybe once a month and we talk/text pretty much daily.

He still constantly flirts in some way, shape or form almost every time I see him but doesn't always lead to sex. Which is ok with me, it's actually nice it doesn't. But I'm somewhat confused what this guy is feeling. I don't believe he's using me for sex, maybe he is and I am too dumb to get it. I keep telling myself he doesn't like me and not attracted to me but sadly I'm falling for him. My head tells me not to but my heart won't listen. The whole situation is tough for us both, work...the age difference...me technically being still married (please don't judge me), and I'm physically not his type (this is important right guys?)

Guys, what do you think? Does he only consider me a fwb? Do you think he feels more and afraid to admit it for one of the reasons above? He flirts and is always telling me I'm smart and complimenting me about my work. I feel like a teenager with puppy love but I'm very confused and would appreciate input.

On a side note I recently saw what might have been some jealousy recently...I had kneeled down to do something at work and a guy who doesn't know me well made a comment about being able to see down my pants. Later he told me he didn't like him saying that and said "I wanted to f'ing punch him". Not sure if it was jealousy or respect.

Any input/advice appreciated thanks

[barbella]

Um no why?

[HeartIsAching]

Because i like to find out if it's worth reading the post before I give some great advice. Now I have all the information I need to continue to read. if I just read every long post, only to find out towards the end that it involved a jew, I wouldn't have time to look after my cats.

Cats now? Plural? We've gotten a new addition recently. Well on our way to being the crazy cat people in the neighborhood.

[HeartIsAching]

OP: He's insecure. Enjoys the attention. Probably not looking for more than a FWB - and he's got mommy issues.

[HeartIsAching]

Hamsters are tasty. Tiny though... you need a lot of them to make a decent burrito.

[michelle23]

You have been having an emotional affair for a long time with this man. He definitely likes you but your age and your marriage put him off as he fears getting hurt. I suggest you either leave your husband and end your marriage or put all this time, energy, effort into fixing your marriage and I think you should end things with the other man.

If your marriage is over-you need to be alone and come to terms with that in a healthy way before you are ready for another serious relationship.

[barbella]

Thanks Michelle appreciate the input. The marriage is definitely over. And I know I should be alone. However easier said than done esp since I talk to this man everyday due to work. I was honestly looking for opinions because if there is something to be had here I don't want to miss out. Sometimes the right thing comes out of nowhere.

You're right about the emotional affair. I didn't plan it nor was I looking for it. We were friends who got very close very quick. The friendship is most important and I can't imagine not ever having him in my life as a friend.

[michelle23]

Do you still live with your husband? If yes, you should focus on making the necessary changes asap so you can have a fresh start. It may be a possibility then with the other man but if hes not interested-don't let it upset you too much. You will meet someone else when the time is right

[barbella]

I do and I am working on that. Honestly I just wanted opinions from the boys. Just curious sometimes if I'm reading too much into his actions/words. Honestly I know right now I'd probably scare him away by asking him how he feels or telling him how I feel.