Engagement was Broke off and now another person is involved? I really need Help!

[renosausage]

Hello everyone,

Here's the story

I've been friends with my fiance since I was a child. We grew up together and went to the same church.

We she turned 19 I asked her to marry me and everything was perfect.

Unfortunately our church broke apart and her family went one way while my family went the other.

Our families put a lot of stress on our relationship and in the end I made a stupid mistake and broke off the engagement.

Two weeks went by and I realized how foolish I had been and I asked her to forgive me.

I was not expecting to get back with her because I knew I had broken her heart so badly.

Well during this time she becomes friends with another guy and they actually make plans to start dating.

It made me feel sick inside, but I knew I had messed up and lost her.

Well, suddenly before they started dating she comes to me and apologizes about everything and tells me she wants to be with me again.

So we got back together and worked out all the issues with our families.

But....

She still talks to this guy everyday.

She text him everyday and he calls her everyday.

It makes me so uncomfortable and idk what to do.

She knows that I don't like it but she says that she can't just drop her relationship with him because they are friends.

What should I do about this?

It really concerns me because I don't understand how she could fall in love with me and another guy and then just suddenly choose me while still being friends with this guy???

What advice do you guys have?

Thank You

[Rowen]

If you can't trust her, you can't marry her. It's that simple.

You need to trust her.

[HeartIsAching]

Yep. Without trust you've got nothing worth preserving.

[michelle23]

If she really loves you-she will stop talking to this other guy. Call off the engagement.

[Rowen]

If she really loves you-she will stop talking to this other guy. Call off the engagement.

Men and women can be friends, though, without jumping into the sack.

[michelle23]

She already had a crush on him-was considering dating him and now they are getting closer and closer. (emotional affair) The only way men and women can be best friends is if there is no attraction-I mean literally the thought of kissing that person should make you feel sick.

[Rowen]

But she's already made her choice. She chose this guy. That stands for something, I believe. And perhaps it was just a phase- a stupid fling.

[michelle23]

But why would she want to stay friends? Especially when she knows how upset her fiance is. Id have more respect for my partner

[HeartIsAching]

But she's already made her choice. She chose this guy. That stands for something, I believe. And perhaps it was just a phase- a stupid fling.

Maybe... but the fact that she calls and texts every day is a huge red flag.

How often do you call your friends? Shit, my best friend in the world I call about once a month. Got a great friend that lives across the street, we visit about once a week. Every day? That's intimate relationship behavior there.

[Wakeup]

Renosausage... invite him over when you and your girlfriend are going to be together and bring another girl that you know who is single to fix him up with. If he has another girls attention and they hit it off, I suspect he won't be so interested in your gf. See how your gf reacts when you tell her what you want to do... her reaction will tell you a lot.

[prettyinpurple]

Don't try to force her to choose between you and him, that's probably the worst thing you could do. If she really has respect for you she would cut contact with him, or at least try to distance herself from him. It's too awkward that she was hoping to date him and still talks to him while being with you, probably means she still feels the same way about him.

[Wakeup]

I agree No forcing because that would be controlling and would likely be resented ... Tell her how you feel disrespected though. Then it's up to her to decide who is more important to her.

[Rowen]

But why would she want to stay friends? Especially when she knows how upset her fiance is. Id have more respect for my partner

If I were in her shoes, I'd stay friends. I know that may sound a bit heartless, but part of seeing what happens with the guy is whether or not it stays as friendship or goes to more. I'll admit to staying friends with most guys I talk to on a more-than-friends level. I've never cheated. It's just a more civil way to end things, and a number of them still become really awesome friends.

I will admit the fact that she knows it upsets him is a red flag, but has she ever given him reason not to trust her before this? In my opinion, if I were her, it'd be solid that I wanted the man I chose. If I were her, it would be a case that I made my bed. The other guy doesn't sleep in it...just the love of my life. But I wouldn't deny the other guy a platonic friendship if he was a nice person.

Maybe... but the fact that she calls and texts every day is a huge red flag.

How often do you call your friends? Shit, my best friend in the world I call about once a month. Got a great friend that lives across the street, we visit about once a week. Every day? That's intimate relationship behavior there.

Okay, I was actually curious about this after you asked, so I'm typing this as I look at my recent call and text log from the last seven days...

Calls:
Chris 11 calls sent/received
Tom 13 calls sent/received
Damiano 1 call received
DJ 2 received
Taylor 4 sent/received
Corey 1 call attempted

Texts:
Rick 356 texts
Mike 139 texts
Jasmine 97 texts
Jen 267 texts
Jeff 227 texts
DJ 400 texts
Corey 176 texts
Tom 93 texts

So, yeah... Now, you all know I have entirely too much time on my hands.

Anyway, most of them are in college/out of college and are in relationships. We're just good friends, and we're there for each other. I guess I'm weird like that. *shrugs*
EDIT: My overall point is that they could be too.

[HeartIsAching]

Last 7 days for me:

Wife: 9 calls
Brother: 2
Best Friend - known him 30+ years: 0 (last talked about 3 weeks ago)
Friend across the street: 1
Friend back in California: 1

[Rowen]

This proves I have no life. Hahaha

But I can see where you're coming from. I guess everyone's a bit different, so maybe you should be a teensy bit cautious...but still trust her. Balance it. Don't be blinding her with the interrogation lamp, but don't be pushing her off to go meet up with the guy. Just hang in there, for now.