My married lover, I dont know what to do.

[StacyHH]

Wow....sounds like another book to add to the 50 Shades of Grey Seriously.....your best option in my opinion is to start living your life for you and your soon to be bundle. Yes...Im saying you should keep this baby. Why? It was your choice to have unprotected sex, as for him....screw him being pissed because you got pregnant. He's just as much to blame. Another thing...do you think by telling her that it's going to benefit you in the long run? No....everyone gets hurt and he'll be pissed. Just don't keep going back to him because of the financial stability. You are a smart, intelligent, lady that deserves to be respected. I hear so many time from women, I will be number 2 but I will not be number 3. If you can't respect yourself enough to ditch this loser then you will forever be lost in a world with a man having complete control over you. For instance, My 33 yo sister has been seeing a married man for 5 years. She has cried herself to sleep at night wanting him to leave his wife because she loves him so much, even though he says he's unhappy and his kids are grown and out of the house...guess what? The harsh reality is that he will never leave his wife. He has no attachments at home keeping him there, yet he still stays and is unhappy? It just doesn't add up. I for one would not stay if I were unhappy. Unhappy is another excuse for him to keep playing the game and she falls for it. Why not have your side piece when you know you can? He's brain washing her, and it's sad and sickening to watch. Its no use in gaining knowledge behind the situation because your heart is already into it. Nothing good will ever become of this arrangement that you two have, except the love of a child that he will not give you. He's already shown that he doesn't love you. If he did he would be by your side and raising this child. I hope you take heed in what people are saying....it's tough being the other woman I assume and much harder when you have a pregnancy involved. You already know the answer or you would be here on this forum. Second guessing is usually our answer to what we already know. Falling in love is hard when someone doesn't reciprocate. I can't imagine what it is like in your case. Don't let him string you along. If he does leave his wife, what makes you think he won't cheat on you? The saying goes, If he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you....Keep your head up, move back home, face the reality that people are going to talk, and leave him be. Much luck to you!

[VincenzoG91]

Hes a good dad so he im sure he will be a good dad to my child. I pray he will anyway.

Given that he pressured you into an abortion the last time that you got pregnant, I doubt that he is interested in being a good dad to your child. If you do decide to have the kid this time around, make sure that you take him to court for child support.

[surfhb2]

Not condoning the guys behavior but I have an incredible amount of respect for guys like this. To have a wife and kids then move your GF to his new office while setting her up with a condo and a race car!?! fucckkin awesome. !!

I can barely handle a wife.

Anyway....he will never love you so you need to decide what to do based on that fact

[Maple1714]

I am thinking this is a made up story...someone has been watching a lot of lifetime.

[Wakeup]

mee too, that's why I'm being unusually sarcastic. *laughing here*

[bcgirl]

He has complete control over you. He is much older with lots of money. He want you to terminate this baby. If you have this baby, it will ruin his family. That's why there are incidences where a wealthy man would hire a hit-man to get rid of the pregnant affair. He cares more about his status and life, he doesn't give a sh!t about you. I bet he would just send you child support money after u do have this child and never see you again because his wife would forbid it
There is NO happy ending in any of this. Either you will get hurt because he will never marry you or his wife and children will suffer for losing a husband, marriage and family structure. That's why you shouldn't have messed around with a married man in the first place. It ALWaYS ends up real messy and someone will always get hurt. Be the better person and just abort and walk away. I think you've done enough damage to this family

[Nicki XoXo]

I thanked the people who I felt gave me the advice i would take into consideration. Vincenzo made me really think about some things and Stacy I felt really gave me some encouragement. Im not just apologetic because it didnt work in my favor. Im apologetic to his wife, children and all about the whole situation. People just dont understand how hard it is t sometimes get out of these things. I really believed that he and his wife wasnt even really into each other or maybe she didnt care. Yes I am an adult who made my own decisions but I feel as though he manipulated the situation a little bit. I do cry over him all the time because it wasnt about money I was really heart broken. I put all my trust in him. I was really naive back then but now I know whats going on. Im facing my reality.

Yes, I did go on vacation with him when his family was there but it was other family members of his also. I did not have a good time because it wasnt like he was able to really spend the night with me like it was supposed to go. I had to stay out of the way basically so she wouldnt recognize me. Im not trying to brag or boast about anything he has done for me, I dont walk around naming everything I have, I just drive it or wear it and it is what it is. Would it make a diff if he was broke? No, the situation would still be wrong and I still would feel misreble.

BTW, who has time to sit and make a situation like this up, why waste my time? Like why would you sit here and waste your time and comment making snide remarks and ignorant statements. I dont have time for your utter BS, not at this time in my life and even if it wasnt the case. i still dont have time, so move on please. Like someone said something about paying for my education. He didnt pay anything for education. He always has done really nice things for me but when we back home, I already had made a nice car and my own place. I can go home to my things now. I let my little sister stay there and keep my car since she's in college so its not like I had nothing. He complimented my lifestyle very well but thats all.

I know Im not going to terminate my pregnancy. I do have a very supportive family back home, I have 5 sisters and we are very close. I know they will be disappointed but they wont disown me. Im just so ashamed.

Vincenzo, I dont want to take child support out on him. However, I feel like my child should still be financially set like his other children are. I know that its my fault if my child doesnt get the same privledges with having him around because he married but I already asked him could he really have a kid out there and not have anything to do with it and he didnt comment but I can tell it bothered him.

I dont know. I cant believe me and him are dealing with this.

[bearz]

I cant believe me and him are dealing with this.

How is he dealing with this? He's mad at you, pretty much kicked you to the curb. Sounds like you are the only one dealing with the situation. (I'm not counting his marriage, that's between him and his wife and not you.)

You have to wake up, get your own life back on track and stop worrying about him. He used you and you were stupid enough to go along with everything. I'm sorry, I know that sounds harsh, but that's just the way it looks like.

[Wakeup]

Well, as you can tell by now, I have no sympathy for you whatsoever. You made your bed and now you must lay in it.
As for why would you take the time and make this up. I don't know but there are people on the internet that do just that every day of the week. Issued I suppose.

I hope you've learned a lesson about going after taken men. If they'd go to bed with you, then they have no personal boundaries. That makes them not very good partners and not worth falling in love with... there's the paradox

Chin up, you had it good minus the commitment.

You could have walked after the first night and not gotten all the freebees... or the unnecessary heartache.

[JerseyTerron]

As a man, I do feel a little bad for you. Sometimes its easy to get over on some women. I believe he did care for you because he did take care of you so to speak...as long as you just played your part.
As a professional business man I can tell you first hand that this sort of thing happens all the time. I have seen it in the office and if a man want to leave, he will.

Also I know you mentioned that you was a black female working in (a certain type of environment)...but I just have to ask, whats his race? If he's white or something, he definately is not leaving his wife(if shes the same as him) for you. Lol. In that case, he is definately from a different world then you and he wont marry you. Im sorry thats just the way it is.

That may not be the case but if it is, now you know. I just wanted to know honestly

[bcgirl]

Have you thought hard about raising a kid as a single mother? You've worked hard on your career and education and with caring for a baby your career may have to suffer. it can be very tough raising a baby with no support. Plus what would happen when your kid grows up and wants to know why he or she doesn't have a daddy? What r u going to say? Your dad was a married man and didn't want anything to do with you and i was a skanky affair so therefore you are a bastard child? Because let's face it, your child would indeed be a bastard. You can say all you wanna say about "oh it is love" and he was so nice and treated me well... But when you take away all that "fluff" whats left behind is the fact that your child is a bastard so it doesn't matter that the father of your child "treated you well" and bought you nice things and you were in love. Your child will never care nor understand, that is your fantasy world. what your child will know is he has a mother but no father which makes him/her a "mistake".
Nice going mom!

[PradaChanel]

Nicki

Some of the advice I agree with. You have to remember that in situations like this, people are going to be harsh to the mistress. It doesnt even matter the reasons or what really took place. Im sure he did lie to you. Most of them are really good at it. Just take your child and move on. Even if he doesnt have a relationship with (ya'll) baby then thats his lost. But he would definately be held responsible financially.

You said you have sisters and if your parents are pastors, christians Im sure they know to forgive. Your smart. Book smart. It wasnt common sense to have an affair with a married man. That wasnt smart sweetie. But the good thing is, you can get past this and start over and learn from your mistakes. Never fall in love with a man that dont love you. That shit is not no joke. He seems like the kind of guy that will try to control everything and try to make you feel like he can ruin you. Who knows? But stand your ground. His wife has to know something. My man cant try to pull one over on me in a night, let alone four years. Maybe he does love you, but not the way you love him. Not enough to really make the changes he promised you.

Also dont let anyone on here influence if you should keep your child. Are they going to help you take care of it? There are a lot of single mothers that do well. Its when they keep laying up having kids with no husband that they become real silly and dumb.

Idc what the term bastard means...no one should be going around just calling a kid a bastard, a bastard in the dictionary also says its a dispictable, mean, disagreeable person. To keep intentionally saying bastard child..smh..get my drift?

You have a career. You have family back home. handle your business like a woman, do what makes you happy, let him know what it is and go from there. Since your keeping your baby ( see how pleasant it was to say instead of bastard) you should really go home. Since your in a new state, your whole world at this point revolves around him. It will be tough staying there. At least with fam and friends you have support and it will get easier everyday. You need to busy yourself with some other things, like what your next move is, your goal for when your baby comes etcetc so you can get past this. Im not saying your a victim but im sure he's a gifted liar, you should be so much involved in other things, the well being of ur kid that this man is the last thing on your mind, of course he may come trying to talk to you and get with you again and he may really mean it but by this time you should be able to deny him and really mean it as well. Besides him, cheating on his wife and then treating you the way he did speaks a lot of his character.

[basilandthyme]

>>Idc what the term bastard means...no one should be going around just calling a kid a bastard, a bastard in the dictionary also says its a dispictable, mean, disagreeable person. To keep intentionally saying bastard child..smh..get my drift?<<

In this context, Bastard means a child born out of wedlock. It's got nothing to do with the child's personality.

[basilandthyme]

Hes a good dad so he im sure he will be a good dad to my child. I pray he will anyway.

You've been naive before, but don't continue with this naivety. Do you really think he'll make time away from his real family to spend time with the child of his mistress? Sorry, but this idea is just delusional.

Besides, what will you tell the child about his real father? I can't begin to imagine telling a child that he was the product of an affair with a married man.

[PradaChanel]

>>Idc what the term bastard means...no one should be going around just calling a kid a bastard, a bastard in the dictionary also says its a dispictable, mean, disagreeable person. To keep intentionally saying bastard child..smh..get my drift?<<

In this context, Bastard means a child born out of wedlock. It's got nothing to do with the child's personality.

I know what bastard means. Problem is, it kept being emphasized, therefore I meant what I said.