My married lover, I dont know what to do.

[Wakeup]

... okay,, that made me lol ...

[bcgirl]

bcgirl is asian. They are as racist as they come and hate 'black people'. f-ing coolie, lol. j/k

I'm multiracial woman and hate that the feminist movement have come a long way, only to have ppl like the OP still have men control her like servants and slaves a hundred years ago. C'mon women, embrace your power and have integrity and confidence in yourselves! Teehee

[HeartIsAching]

So sexism isn't ok, but racism is? You confuse me.

[bcgirl]

And for the record, I'm in no way racist. It's just a shame that an African American "educated" career oriented woman had to be your next Maury Povich show

[bcgirl]

So sexism isn't ok, but racism is? You confuse me.

Never was racist. The reality is that in the real world, there is still a bit of sexism and racism. Although being a coloured female today has come a long way from the past.... We still have a bit to go and still not completely equal than our white male counterparts. So that's why you need to work just a little but harder to prove yourself. Put into the equation a young single mom who is competing for a job in a crappy economy and let's see who gets hired. Although its illegal to discriminate against certain things, but employers certainly do. Sucking c@ck for a position like what the OP has done proves that she is just turning back time. The wife too isn't doing any good for the feminist movement if she is okay with her hubby's cheating and turns a blind eye so that she can just be a rich housewife

[gibcia44]

Hey Nicki,

I see myself in 4 years being stuck in the same situation as you are, I am young and I have started building a relationship with a taken man. I read your post and I knew exactly how you felt writing it. I will tell you one thing, as hard and tough as it is for us to admit it, it's not love. I hate him for making you go through the abortion. I feel like this was a big hint that you guys don't want the same things in the future. I would suspect that he was lying about being together since he even was too scared to commit to having a baby with you.
He chose you because he knew you were shy and reserved and if anything came up, as it did, with you guys he knew that he wouldn't have to worry about you confronting his family.
My advice to you is to outsmart him. As bad as it sounds, talk to his wife explain everything. She needs to know the truth, wouldn't you?
KEEP the baby, you will be a great mother to your little one, you are going to protect it and have someone close to you, as for the guy please do me a favor and leave him. He has no right to just be there with the money. I know the feelings and I know it;'s hard to say no to someone you love, but I think you have learned that after all that time hope doesn't do well. Stay where you are, move on from him. He wasn't the one, your other half is still waiting for you and will accept you the way you are and with your wonderful baby you guys will have a beautiful future.
Best of luck

[bcgirl]

Gib, I sure hope u aren't still in a relationship with a married man

[surfhb2]

Hey Nicki,

I see myself in 4 years being stuck in the same situation as you are, I am young and I have started building a relationship with a taken man. I read your post and I knew exactly how you felt writing it. I will tell you one thing, as hard and tough as it is for us to admit it, it's not love. I hate him for making you go through the abortion. I feel like this was a big hint that you guys don't want the same things in the future. I would suspect that he was lying about being together since he even was too scared to commit to having a baby with you.
He chose you because he knew you were shy and reserved and if anything came up, as it did, with you guys he knew that he wouldn't have to worry about you confronting his family.
My advice to you is to outsmart him. As bad as it sounds, talk to his wife explain everything. She needs to know the truth, wouldn't you?
KEEP the baby, you will be a great mother to your little one, you are going to protect it and have someone close to you, as for the guy please do me a favor and leave him. He has no right to just be there with the money. I know the feelings and I know it;'s hard to say no to someone you love, but I think you have learned that after all that time hope doesn't do well. Stay where you are, move on from him. He wasn't the one, your other half is still waiting for you and will accept you the way you are and with your wonderful baby you guys will have a beautiful future.
Best of luck

Yeah.....revenge! Great advice!

Just leave and don't look back Niki

[PradaChanel]

And for the record, I'm in no way racist. It's just a shame that an African American "educated" career oriented woman had to be your next Maury Povich show

Please pay that no mind. I dont see how your going to be on Maury considering you both know its his child and Im sure that if it came down to that, you wouldnt be on Maury.

I totally agree with Gil. That was very good, solid advice. Intially I said go be with your fam, and you can if you need them but if you wanted to, you could stay. I wouldnt let this man you had a relationship with for 4 years run me off. Its uncomfortable for everyone involved. Whatever you do at this point, should be what you want to do, he controlled you enough, dont let him dictate anymore of your life. I know you said your apologetic to his wife, a good way to show that is to leave him alone. Anything else is between them.

I've been in a situation similar to this and men can be some liars, some are gifted ones. Im sure he fed you BS. People dont understand unless they go through it. A rose is still a rose, I like to say a diamond is still a diamond, dont worry about your past everybody has one and its no one business really. He has shown you who he is, when I start seeing how things really was, i was like ok, its me or him and it was an easy decision.

Good Luck

[Boisdevie]

I'm multiracial woman and hate that the feminist movement have come a long way, only to have ppl like the OP still have men control her like servants and slaves a hundred years ago. C'mon women, embrace your power and have integrity and confidence in yourselves! Teehee

The OP allowed herself to be controlled. Did she have to accept the nice shiny car?

[basilandthyme]

The OP allowed herself to be controlled. Did she have to accept the nice shiny car?

I agree - it's not control. She could have walked away at any time. The car, apartment etc - that was payment for services rendered.

[bcgirl]

I agree - it's not control. She could have walked away at any time. The car, apartment etc - that was payment for services rendered.

It is control when you buy ppl things like condos, Porsches and job promotions and the person accepts, all the while knowing he will never give her the thing she wants most.. marriage. It's manipulative control. She should have just said no to all those trips and job promotions but she couldn't resist. Till eventually after 4 yrs she is used to a certain lifestyle of driving nice cars and going to fun elaborate parties that come easy to her if she just spreads her legs. No different than a struggling actress that puts out to the director so she can bypass all the other struggling actresses for the lead role. Now he has her where she wants her... "If you snitch and don't comply, I will take away all this fancy things from you". In the end with manipulative characters like that, you need to be the tougher and stronger one. They are like tigers that prey on the weak. In the end she needs to show him who is boss in this scenario. Give him back all the luxury items money can buy. Don't accept another bribe or penny from him, only accept the child support of whatever the courts order. Don't talk to him again and See him in court. Done

[Nicki XoXo]

Let me set the record straight for the last time. It wasnt not sex for services rendered. If I felt like it was a business relationship then I would have not got so involved with him.I felt like we were dating and I didnt have to "suck his cock" to get something. I like a man that takes care of everything and its not even just all about money. If your a man and you see that I need something done, it could be a tire or anything. I like a man to do it, I dont need him to but he showed me like appreciation because I did things for him also and it wasnt just me sucking him off okay? You all need to get that. Its a lot that went on during those 4 years. We stayed together for different periods of times, like lived together. So I was the under the impression that they was seperated and I didnt care if the divorce was taking time because I knew they had children and they both wanted to be there for them. Of course, as time went on until like last year I start seeing that things wasnt really adding up. I found out that his wife was just going back and forth out of town, out the country to visit her family, her father was very sick for a long time and I guess maybe my lover felt that I was there for him so to speak. I hate admitting that but it is what it is. Like one time, he calls me on a saturday morning like, he has a very important meeting and the nanny was sick and i actually kept his children while he was at the meeting. So I really felt like we were together. Then one time we was on vacation and while he was out I just went through his things. I seen a upgraded like engagement/wedding ring and it was so beautiful and I was like oh, this is for me. Well I never got it, I know he gave it to his wife. Thats when I said ok, he full of shit. But I was so attached and thats vaca was right after I had my abortion. It looked like death in there, i felt life being taken away from me, I was soooooo sad and thats why he took me, because I think he felt bad for me. Not enough to regret the decision but he felt bad that I was sad. He promised I would have to do that again, like now he hasnt outright told me to do it but his actions says otherwise, like he expects me to do it. He's a good businessman and he lie and he just real persuasive. Anyway he knows Im keeping it.

I felt like venting. He pissed off but I dont care, I did but now I dont. I have great friends and they visit me periodically and my sister already said if I dont want to come home she will come be with me and help me. Im not going to lie and say I dont still love him, I do. But As of right now im moving fwd with my life and I thanked him for helping me to become a woman who learned to make my own decisions and speak for myself and he really couldnt say anything, he stared at me for the longest tie, I really couldnt read him then he just said well, we will be in touch and thats it.

[Wakeup]

I dont need him to but he showed me like appreciation because I did things for him also and it wasnt just me sucking him off okay? You all need to get that.

Well, I don't think we need to get it at all. Of course we would get it if you were talking about your own husband/partner but you're not. You allowed yourself to fall into the bed you now lay in so please don't try to make it more than it was, It is what it is and when you accept and "Get" that, then you'll heal from this that much quicker.

Time to move on and be this independent woman who is capable of not being kept that you say you are.

I wish you the strength to form the personal boundaries you need in order to not allow yourself to have happen to you again.

[bearz]

You did fall for a jerk, you thought it was love. But had he felt the same way you two would be in a completely different place right now. He used you. He lied. He cheated. Please don't tell me these are good qualities you are looking for in a man. Only because someone is acting nice around you, wants you to be around, and buys you stuff doesn't mean they actually love you.