Is this relationship worth it? Need opinions

[prettyinpurple]

Me and my partner have been going out for almost 6 years now. We started off in a long distance relationship until around September last year. We have had a lot of rough patches. We've had 2 major breakups - one in which he broke up with me for someone else (we were both very young and silly), I forgave him and we moved on from it. Then our second break up, he broke up with me due to distance, then tried to get with a friend of his. I stupidly forgave him yet again but at the time it seemed the right thing to do.

After we got back together, for a few months things were so perfect, I was the happiest I've ever been. However, it started to go down hill when he dropped out of college. Ever since then he has completely lacked motivation, he'd say what his plans were e.g joining the army, finding a job, but never fulfilled them and gave up on the idea within weeks! We've been together almost 6 years and he has never met any of my family or friends, but I have met his. He has only been to see me ONCE - mind you I moved 200 miles away from home to go to a university that's closer to him so we could see each other more, and he has only seen me once. I've been to see him countless times.

The worst thing is his laziness. Whenever I try to confront him and tell him he needs to make more of an effort to see me and be a better boyfriend, he uses money as an excuse. He's 20 and lives with his mother, although he has bills to pay it's not a lot and I'm a full time student scraping by and still save up to go see him when I can. I'd be a little more understanding if he didn't spend £100 or so on computer games and expensive junk food every other week. Just an example of just how inconsiderate he is: It was my 21st birthday a few days ago, a special birthday and my first one ever away from home. I didn't even receive a birthday card from him - nothing, nada. Not even a visit. Apparently the reason was because he had no money yet a few nights ago he'd spent around £30 on Dominos pizza! That really hurt my feelings because I've sacrificed a lot of things to be able to see him and £30 is only a fraction of the cost it would take him to see me!

I do believe I want to break the relationship off. I love him but I've been unhappy for a very long time, even discussing it with him multiple times has changed nothing. He still makes zero effort and I think he's just getting too comfortable with our relationship that he just doesn't bother anymore. Does this sound like a redundant relationship or should I still even bother try?

[bearz]

Dominos Pizza should only be 10 bucks if not less, he's clearly doing it wrong!

He isn't putting any effort into your relationship, even after you have brought it up to him. Not to mention his attitude and lazyness. You'd be a lot better off without him at this point.

[rob1984]

picture yourself 10 years from now, when you are supporting him.. you will look back on this day and say *$HIT*... he is still young, but a 20 year old should be motivated. I would understand being in your 30`s and together for years and fall into a rut, but he`s 20 years old.. for one I think at that age being in a serious relationship is very tough. Looks like he still needs time to grow up, and you should stop enabling him, and seriously tell him your issues, see what he says, if its all negative then just walk.. If I were a girl ( I would be a sexy one for sure ) I would expect the guy to be a man.. someone to be proud of, respect and know he can take care of me. If you cannot see that in him, then you have some thinking to do.

[alwaystrying]

I'm going to play devils advocate. It sounds like his lack of motivation and him quitting things may be because of his fear. I had almost dropped out of university 3 times because the stress of finishing and doing well overcame my motivation to have an education. He might be getting "lazy" because he is unhappy and feels he can't change the things in his life that he does not like. I guess if you really love the guy, you should ask him these things and may be help him through it? IF you feel he's just a sack of potatoes at this point, you should end it. Some people "lose their way" and just need a kick in the butt to remind them that they are better than what they think of themselves.

[Only-virgins]

I bet things get boring after 6 years. Nothing lasts forever.

[michelle23]

I don't think hes ready for a serious relationship and I think you can do a lot better. You have already wasted 6 years on him and nothing has changed. Things wont get any better and you will just get more and more miserable. I think you need to do what is best for you. You would be happier on your own than with him and when the time is right you will meet a MAN and forger all about this little boy.

You are young with only one serious relationship which has caused lots of pain. You cannot waste your life on someone who hurts you repeatedly and he will do it again. The fact he has already dumped you for someone else twice shows he has a lot of growing up to do. And most likely he will never change. Hell always think the grass is greener somewhere else and the more you forgive him-the more he thinks your a doormat and has less and less respect for you.

You should get rid of him and start dating again. Lots of men would treat you so much better. You need someone strong who loves you unconditionally who will never hurt you. Set your standards higher and if someone ever treats you like this again-walk away with no second chances. Youll save yourself a lot of misery and heartache. Men will respect your "I take no shit" policy. You need to show them that you deserve the best because you are confident and strong and independent and any man stupid enough to let you go... well its his loss. Adapt that attitude and don't settle.

[prettyinpurple]

Thanks for all your opinions, means a lot. He is definitely ready for a serious relationship, he talks openly about our future all the time. It's just growing more and more difficult to see myself with him. He has lacked motivation for a long time, I have tried to be there for him, offer advice, give him ideas but nothing has worked. I definitely know there are guys out there that would treat me a lot better. I know he loves me but for me that's not enough to be happy right now. Only way I could still be with him is if he changes his life around completely.

[jamie11]

Maybe that's really the right thing to do. As long as you're not happy anymore then break it off. Even though you love him, you're still not happy. Maybe if you break it off, he will realize your importance and his mistakes.

[Boisdevie]

Even though you love him, you're still not happy. Maybe if you break it off, he will realize your importance and his mistakes.

You do not end a relationship to shock somebody into making the changes you want.

[HeartIsAching]

I bet things get boring after 6 years. Nothing lasts forever.

Except stupidity.

[basilandthyme]

You do not end a relationship to shock somebody into making the changes you want.

Agreed. But ending a relatioship does seem to frequently have that effect....how many posters have you seen who have been dumped and then finally see the light?

[michelle23]

Yes I think you should break it off OP. If he says fine goodbye-you'll know you did the right thing. However, if he says give me another chance-you can tell him what needs to change if your going to make a proper go of things.

I don't think he really loves you though or that hes ready for commitment. Actions speak louder than words and he has never made any effort

[Only-virgins]

Except stupidity.

Not even stupidity lasts forever.

[dickriculous]

Agreed. But ending a relatioship does seem to frequently have that effect....how many posters have you seen who have been dumped and then finally see the light?

A lot. But rarely, if ever, do we hear about what happens later if said poster manages to get his/her gf/bf back.

What typically happens is Person A finally gets fed up with Person B's bullshit and leaves. Person B suddenly freaks out because he/she realizes that person A was Mr./Mrs. right and wants to be with that person forever. Then they find a way to get person A back. Then as soon as the novelty of having him/her back wears off Person B is taking Person A for granted again and right back to their old ways of treating Person A like shit. The cycle repeats itself until Person A finally wakes up and cuts Person B off for good (or puts up with being treated like shit for the rest of his/her life, whichever happens to float that persons boat).

If anything, in the above scenario Person B ends up having less respect for Person A because Person A shows him/herself as a safety net for Person B that Person B can just fall back on and have a nice, comfy security blanket no matter how many times he/she fucks up - a surefire way for Person A to ensure that he/she is never truly appreciated or respected by Person B.

That's why I can't watch a movie that involves a love story where some guy treats his girl like shit, she leaves, he tries everything in his power to get her back, he gets her back, and it ends with them being together again. All I can think about at that ending is "Wait a minute, wtf happens next? Is there a sequel that's going to explain how this relationship is going to work out down the road?" No, we are left to assume that they live happily ever after, even though them getting back together isn't even close to the real conclusion to their story. Could you imagine if a movie like Scarface suddenly ended midway through Tony Montana building his empire before we even found out Tony was to became Sosa's enemy and we were never given so much as had an allusion as to what may have happened? That's what those love stories are like.

[MaidenMinx]

You're 21 and have been with the same guy for 6 years? So you started going out with him when you were 15 and not at an age for making long term decisions. Get out now before you feel like you have wasted your youth.