Would You Want To Know

[onesexyblonde]

That's a trauma response, dear. You're still responding to trauma, just a more insidious and less obvious trauma.

HIA have you ever gotten mad at your girl?

[HeartIsAching]

Nope. Not this one, anyhow.

[onesexyblonde]

Nope. Not this one, anyhow.

youve never gotten mad at her seems unlikely but ok what did u do when u got mad at yur last girl

[RobsGirl]

about 6 months, lol

[HeartIsAching]

You think I owe you an explanation after calling me a liar? Piss off.

[onesexyblonde]

about 6 months, lol

i think you lost me? bucz i dont get your post

[RobsGirl]

He's angry now. Best just to leave him so he can do his breathing exercises.

[HeartIsAching]

Nope, not angry. Just not playing games.

Definitely imma.

[RobsGirl]

You just told that girl to "piss off". If you do that when you're not angry, I'd hate to see you angry. People are just talking here.

[onesexyblonde]

You think I owe you an explanation after calling me a liar? Piss off.

are you talking to me HIA becuase im not calling you a liar i just wanted to know what you think is acceptable for when a man get mad a girl

[HeartIsAching]

"Seems unlikely"

Alright - anger is not a primary emotion, it's a secondary emotion. You don't feel anger first, you feel another emotion first, then cover it up with anger. If you start to feel angry, stop and think about what you're really feeling - embarrassed, pressured, belittled, frightened (that's the most common), unappreciated, unimportant, etc. Once you start figuring that out, the anger goes away.

When I first started therapy, I thought it was total bullshit. About 4 months in, I had an epiphany. My 6 year old instead of making the turn to go home from our bike ride, went off the sidewalk and started out into traffic on a busy 4-lane road. I leaped off my bike, snatched him up, spun him around and started to go ballistic on him - then I suddenly realized that my therapists were right. I WASN'T really angry, I was scared. Scared, and the reason for that fear was gone... no reason to be angry, anger went away. Oh.

When you raise your voice, it's a threat display, meant to intimidate others into obedience. Same with punching walls, throwing things or verbal threats -it's a way to say "you see what I can do?"

Anger is nearly always fear in drag.

[onesexyblonde]

"Seems unlikely"

Alright - anger is not a primary emotion, it's a secondary emotion. You don't feel anger first, you feel another emotion first, then cover it up with anger. If you start to feel angry, stop and think about what you're really feeling - embarrassed, pressured, belittled, frightened (that's the most common), unappreciated, unimportant, etc. Once you start figuring that out, the anger goes away.

When I first started therapy, I thought it was total bullshit. About 4 months in, I had an epiphany. My 6 year old instead of making the turn to go home from our bike ride, went off the sidewalk and started out into traffic on a busy 4-lane road. I leaped off my bike, snatched him up, spun him around and started to go ballistic on him - then I suddenly realized that my therapists were right. I WASN'T really angry, I was scared. Scared, and the reason for that fear was gone... no reason to be angry, anger went away. Oh.

When you raise your voice, it's a threat display, meant to intimidate others into obedience. Same with punching walls, throwing things or verbal threats -it's a way to say "see what you I can do?"

Anger is nearly always fear in drag.

i only thight it was unlikely that u got mad because every realtioship i have sene or been it the man has gotten mad at the woman and So first that makes perfect sense and now i get where your coming from so let me ask you this if my bf gets angry with me that he thinks im hiding things from him is he really just afraid of what i could be hiding from him

[HeartIsAching]

He's probably afraid of why you won't have sex with him... he probably feels inadequate and undesirable.

Honestly in your situation it might be best to tell him that you were abused - you don't have to give him any details, just tell him that you were severely traumatized and you're not ready (and may never be) to give him any details, but that's why you're in therapy.

Dunno how he's waited 3 years without an explanation, dunno how much longer he's willing to wait - that's something you need to discuss with him.

[onesexyblonde]

He's probably afraid of why you won't have sex with him... he probably feels inadequate and undesirable.

Honestly in your situation it might be best to tell him that you were abused - you don't have to give him any details, just tell him that you were severely traumatized and you're not ready (and may never be) to give him any details, but that's why you're in therapy.

Dunno how he's waited 3 years without an explanation, dunno how much longer he's willing to wait - that's something you need to discuss with him.

he has had an explaination but its been a lie well sorta i just told him im not into sex and ill talk to him when he comes home its just not going to be easy talking to him never is but i dont want him to feel like that

[HeartIsAching]

Then stop lying to him.