Should I have to explain?

[onesexyblonde]

Ok so im just wondering should a girl have to explain why she doesnt want to have sex. Ive been with him for three years and we havent had sex and he thinks im not attracted to him but thats not it. Anyways should i have to have a reason (i do have a reason) but should i need one.

[Wakeup]

Three years? I'd be worried that it was rust rather then blood at that time of the month?

You don't miss it, onesexyblonde?

[onesexyblonde]

Three years? I'd be worried that it was rust rather then blood at that time of the month?

You don't miss it, onesexyblonde?

Honestly i dont but the only time i ever had sex was forced sex so i mean i dont know what real sex can be like i should saay my new bf would never do that but that what im used to so i dont miss it. i mean i would enjoy a good eating out but i dont know if im ready my bc makes it so i dont get my time o the month

[ashley89]

I'm kinda confused here, so you've been with your current bf for 3 years and haven't had sex with him? and the reason is because a past boyfriend forced you to?

[onesexyblonde]

ashley i was forced into sex for two years by my last bf and i never enjoyed it so i never have it now that i have the choice becuase sex stinks or at least from my experience it does and when i say forced i mean he held me down and forced me

[ashley89]

have you talked to your current boyfriend about it? and to answer your original question yes I think you do owe him an explanation, it is probably hurting his self-esteem and he thinks he's unattractive or something is wrong with him so that's why you won't have sex with him. you also have to keep in mind that just because you had a bad experience with this one past boyfriend doesn't mean every guy is going to do that, how will you ever learn to enjoy it if you don't give it a chance?

[onesexyblonde]

[QUOTE=ashley89;877331]have you talked to your current boyfriend about it? and to answer your original question yes I think you do owe him an explanation, it is probably hurting his self-esteem and he thinks he's unattractive or something is wrong with him so that's why you won't have sex with him. you also have to keep in mind that just because you had a bad experience with this one past boyfriend doesn't mean every guy is going to do that, how will you ever learn to enjoy it if you don't give it a chance?[/QUOTE]

why do i ever have to have sex? And no i havent talked to him, i generally just say no and go sleep on the couch

[ashley89]

why wouldn't you want to? it's not really fair to him to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't have the same desires as him. you should talk to him about your feelings so he can understand where you're coming from and maybe work on it together

[ashley89]

were you sexually assaulted?

[bearz]

You've been with him for three years, you definitely owe him an explanation at this point. I assume you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it and are worried about his reaction? That's clearly understandable. Just don't wait too long to do it, the longer you wait the worse he might feel about himself or is wondering what is going on with you.

[onesexyblonde]

aley: yes ashley i was raped and because everytime i have ever tried to have sex since i feel clausterphobic and emotionally freak out and he get blow jobs just not sex

bearz: i dont feel comfortable telling him because he might do something stupid or get mad at me because its all my fault

[ashley89]

maybe you need some counseling to get over those freak outs, because unless you have been assaulted in the past or are waiting til marriage or something it doesn't seem like there is really any reason to not want to have sex... it is a natural human desire and part of a healthy adult relationship. you are being a bit selfish if you simply just don't "feel" like having sex with him. I'm surprised he has stuck around this long to be honest because he clearly wants it while you don't, so you aren't on the same page. I suggest either talking to him or talking to a therapist.

[bearz]

because everytime i have ever tried to have sex since i feel clausterphobic and emotionally freak out and he get blow jobs just not sex

You might feel better about yourself once you have talked to your boyfriend about everything. This all seems to be taking a huge emotional toll on yourself and once that weight is off your shoulders you should be able to slowly start being more intimate with him. Just be really honest with him and tell him how you really feel and that you two need to take it slow. There is no need to rush anything. You are ready when YOU are ready.

[onesexyblonde]

ashley i was assulted in the past thats why i feel like this i was abused and raped and i do see a therapist twice a week but thats not the point and he get blow jobs just not sex and im fine with that unless he grabbs my head and pushes my tword hi dick or holds me there

bearz: i dont want to tell him becuse i dont want him to get mad at me

[bearz]

ashley i was assulted in the past thats why i feel like this i was abused and raped and i do see a therapist twice a week but thats not the point and he get blow jobs just not sex and im fine with that unless he grabbs my head and pushes my tword hi dick or holds me there

I think you not wanting sex is perfectly normal in your situation. As a guy, I'd be happy if I got blowjobs, too. And if that's all I'd need to be happy and feel good, then I wouldn't be worried about having sex. But do you know for sure that's how your boyfriend feels? Has he ever expressed the desire to have sex with you because he wants to feel closer to you and more intimate?