Narcissistic boyfriend, need help

[creak1]

Hello,

I've come to realise that I'm in a relationship with a man who is extremely narcissistic. I have recently found him to ne extremely misogynistic. He's extremely forceful, particularly in the bedroom, and has showed signs of believing women to be promiscuous, sexually manipulative and attention seeking. I know for a fact that I am none of these, yet he still seems to destroy my self-esteem, femininity and sexuality piece by piece. I have noticed that he extremely fearful of being non-unique, trying to attain image, status and possession constantly. In the process he is destroying me by constantly saying I am boring and uninteresting, constantly questioning my mental ability and memory, causing me to be constantly paranoid about myself. I have constantly been upfront about my feelings, investing all my energy in the relationship only to be met by him using my weaknesses to attack me. He lashes out over the smallest of things and his excuse every time is 'i did it because i was angry'. He turns things on me like they are my own fault and as soon as I apologise he goes on like normal and plays a happy self, but when I cannot, due to being deeply hurt by his words, he acts like theres something wrong with me, stating that I'm attention seeking. He's not just like this with me, his friends have told me the same and have told me that I should get out of the relationship as soon as possible, as he will never know how good i was to him until i have left.

I've now come to the conclusion that I MUST leave this relationship. I feel so hurt for having invested myself so much emotionally. Being a codependent (admittedly) I made myself an easy target. After two weeks of moving in with him he said I had to leave over a pathetic argument, i can't even remember what it was about, putting me in a totally vulnerable situation.

However, I'm a university student and I have a huge project in this month and cannot leave until april due to work commitments (I live with him). Ive already made arrangements for this (he doesnt know about this). What I'm asking for is some advice on how to deal with this situation? I have to put up with this crap for one more month, but its so distracting from my work I need some help on dealing with it until then. Also, I know how hard it is going to be to end things. I know he will show little feeling, and will probably be with another woman within the first month. I know I'm going to be totally heart broke about this, as being with a narcissist is so similar to a drug addiction. Any help on moving forward and dealing with the crap in the meantime will be so helpful.

[michelle23]

Your doing the right thing by leaving this abusive relationship. I think you should seek counselling when you get out and make sure you boost your self-esteem and never put yourself in this situation again. You no all the signs now and what to avoid in the future so youll find it much easier to meet a good man who doesnt treat you like an emotional punching bag.

Well done for recognizing this is his fault, his flaws, his horrible personality and nothing to do with who you are as a person. And well done for recognizing that you need to get out.

Now all u have to do is stay strong, be brave, follow it up with actions and dont allow yourself to go back.

The best thung you can do in the meantime is distract yourself by keeping busy, making excuses not to be around him too often and planning your escape. Pretend you have a bad kidney infection-get a medicine case and fill it with aspirin or something and pretend you cant have sex as ur in pain.. Tell him ur project will take up a lot of time and be on ur computer or have ur head stuck in a book when hes around and just say sorry i have to get this done. I promise when its finished im all urs and then when hes least expecting it you can walk out the door and never look back.

[Wakeup]

He's a right and disgusting wanker who is emotionally abusive, narcissistic (by all accounts) and not worth you even worrying about his next victim.

Stay away from him and get out as soon as you can. You said You've recently found him to be all these dysfunctional things you've called him? Just how long did you date him then? How long did you ignore all these red flags and what would make you move in with him before you knew who is really was?

Go to your schools guidance centre and ask to speak to a councellor, tell them everything you've said here and get some advice on moving out before you say you intend to above and to get some therapy for your codependence.

Good luck... work on making your independence a priority now and with all over relationships.

[onesexyblonde]

I think you should talk to someone and get out ASAP before things get any worse. I have to say his behavior is NOT you fault and don't let yourself think that. Also therapy helps it takes time but it does help. I understand how hard it is but leaving i the best thing you can do even though it may not seem like it it is.

[dickriculous]

Are you sure he's a narcissist? He sounds more like a sociopath.

Either way, you already know what you need to do. It's just a matter of doing it as opposed to allowing your fear of being alone to control you and keep you in this relationship (a term I must use rather loosely).

And don't let him control your sense of self. If he's anything like he sounds then he's like this to you because he would be like this to anybody. Even if you were the most amazing woman he could ever hope to have he would still treat you like you were the lowest form of life on earth. Of course you know that already, it's just easier for us to say than it is for someone who's actually in the situation to follow through with, but it's something you have to do. It will involve breaking out of your comfort zone but that's a necessary evil, something each and every one of us has to go through at certain points in our lives.

And yes, please get counseling for your co-dependency. This one bad relationship is only a detail, the big picture that involves all details is you, and your codependency is part of you right now. Until you overcome your codependency you are highly unlikely to ever end up in a fulfilling relationship. As I tell everyone who has these issues, you can't have a good relationship with someone else until you have a good relationship with yourself and codependents are codependent exactly because they do not have good relationships with themselves.