how to lay him dwn nicely

[shesjustnotin2u]

It's hard for me to be naturally be mean and crule to men eventho they've hurt me plenty and gave me the short end of the stick. I fear karma and believe I shouldn't intensionally cheat someone. Anyway, how do I tell a guy I'm not feeling it anymore and only see him as a friend. Because we've had sex, its always easier to do it again but I am honestly not feeling the connection like it was before. Theres possibly someone I have my mind on and would rather put effort towards since this old relationship isn't going anywhere... How do I lay him gently? For all I know, he probably could care less but how do I start the conversation and end it without feeling like such a bitch?

[basilandthyme]

There is no way to end a relationship without hurt. Unless they want to end it as well...

The best you can do is be honest, tactful but firm about your resolution..

[Wakeup]

Try this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mrtUDosTrS0

[fearoflove]

This was my problem too a few days ago. When it comes to breakups, honesty is not always the best policy because if the truth is that you are interested in someone else, it is going to be a huge blow to his ego. Although, all breakups will hurt, giving a non-personal reason behind it will help alot. I told my last boyfriend that I am not in an emotional and mental state to be in a relationship right now because I haven't broken up with my ex that long ago and I am very busy with school so I thought it would not be fair to him. I used this reason knowing it is unlikely I will bump into him in public. But you may have to come up with a different non-personal reason (its you, not him) if you think you might bump into him in public in the future.

[Rowen]

This was my problem too a few days ago. When it comes to breakups, honesty is not always the best policy because if the truth is that you are interested in someone else, it is going to be a huge blow to his ego. Although, all breakups will hurt, giving a non-personal reason behind it will help alot. I told my last boyfriend that I am not in an emotional and mental state to be in a relationship right now because I haven't broken up with my ex that long ago and I am very busy with school so I thought it would not be fair to him. I used this reason knowing it is unlikely I will bump into him in public. But you may have to come up with a different non-personal reason (its you, not him) if you think you might bump into him in public in the future.

Oh, certainly... Tell her to do that she grows into a grand manipulator with men and ends up hurting them more... How could this be any more cliche? Right. If there was a guy who always heard the "it's not you, it's me" response.

OP, if you do that, you will set yourself up for bad karma. It's that simple. The guy will eventually find out you lied to him and then feel a hundred times worse.

Honesty is the best policy. It clears your karma because you're noble and honest. There are too many people in this world who feel the truth should be told at a slant. Tell it direct. Yes, it'll hurt him, but if you express that you no longer feel the same way for him anymore, he'll respect your honesty. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday, he will. He'll look back on it and grow from it. But if you manipulate him into thinking you're the messed up one, he'll eventually find out when you date someone else. Then there will be all hell to pay because you started unnecessary drama. Be honest. Be noble.

Just do it. There are no excuses not to.

[fearoflove]

Oh, certainly... Tell her to do that she grows into a grand manipulator with men and ends up hurting them more... How could this be any more cliche? Right. If there was a guy who always heard the "it's not you, it's me" response.

OP, if you do that, you will set yourself up for bad karma. It's that simple. The guy will eventually find out you lied to him and then feel a hundred times worse.

Honesty is the best policy. It clears your karma because you're noble and honest. There are too many people in this world who feel the truth should be told at a slant. Tell it direct. Yes, it'll hurt him, but if you express that you no longer feel the same way for him anymore, he'll respect your honesty. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow. But someday, he will. He'll look back on it and grow from it. But if you manipulate him into thinking you're the messed up one, he'll eventually find out when you date someone else. Then there will be all hell to pay because you started unnecessary drama. Be honest. Be noble.

Just do it. There are no excuses not to.

WTF. Its not about manipulation. It would hurt him less. Honesty is not always the best policy if you are going to tell someone they are not good enough for you or that they are ugly or whatever.

[Wakeup]

WTF. Its not about manipulation. It would hurt him less. Honesty is not always the best policy if you are going to tell someone they are not good enough for you or that they are ugly or whatever.

Whenever you lie for your own gain, it's manipulation. In this case you're wanting to mainipulate it so you don't look like a bad guy for leaving him for someone else.

[fearoflove]

Whenever you lie for your own gain, it's manipulation. In this case you're wanting to mainipulate it so you don't look like a bad guy for leaving him for someone else.

It is not for one's own gain. It is not about making yourself look good. It is about hurting someone less.

[Wakeup]

No it's not. You're going to hurt him no matter what you do.. you've already been advised that. You can tell him the truth without actully lying or manipulating the way that it's been suggested you do.

Just tell him that you don't feel the connection and you realize that you're not compatibie enough to continue on. Then wish him well, say goodbye and cut all contact so he can heal. That wouldn't be lying and it wouldn't be "its me not you" bullshit that everyone knows is exactly that.

[fearoflove]

Actually, saying you two are not compatible is a good way to make it non-personal and vague. Let's just hope he doesn't ask for elaboration on that if the real reasons is because you don't find him attractive enough or successful enough or interesting enough, whatever it may be.

[ashley89]

through my own personal experience I learned it's better to just tell the person sooner rather than later. honestly most guys will respect you more if you are upfront and tell them directly rather than beat around the bush or lead them on for weeks only to finally admit you aren't into them that way. I used to be more shy and felt I was going to hurt their feelings so I'd continue to hang out with them and it gave them the impression I was into them when I wasn't, and it always ended up awkward and with me feeling so guilty. just man up and tell him, he may be slightly bummed for awhile but it's better to settle it now, you will hurt him more in the long run if you don't.

[ashley89]

This was my problem too a few days ago. When it comes to breakups, honesty is not always the best policy because if the truth is that you are interested in someone else, it is going to be a huge blow to his ego. Although, all breakups will hurt, giving a non-personal reason behind it will help alot. I told my last boyfriend that I am not in an emotional and mental state to be in a relationship right now because I haven't broken up with my ex that long ago and I am very busy with school so I thought it would not be fair to him. I used this reason knowing it is unlikely I will bump into him in public. But you may have to come up with a different non-personal reason (its you, not him) if you think you might bump into him in public in the future.

no, this is not good advice. if you use excuses like that, it gives the guy false hope and they think "oh, ok well she's busy with studies now so there's a chance in the future when she's less busy she'll like me again!" then they might wait around or not take opportunities to date other girls because they're still hung up thinking this girl is gonna come back around. you have to be honest and upfront. it may hurt his feelings but it will hurt more to keep leading him on or lie to him.

[shesjustnotin2u]

I always hate to be the bad guy and pull the trigger. At most, I dont want him to feel rejecting. Dont get me wrong, he's a great looking fella with a good career. A lot going for himself. A strong personality too. But after a while, those material things have no value to me. And most importantly, I simply just cant be myself around him without constant criticism. After a while, it gets sickening and I think that is what killed it for me... I guess you are right. Honesty is the best policy. It may hurt him now but at least I was honest. Thanks everyone!

[FlaCooln]

Tell him basically what you posted here and done. Just be straight forward and honest and you will be fine.

[fearoflove]

no, this is not good advice. if you use excuses like that, it gives the guy false hope and they think "oh, ok well she's busy with studies now so there's a chance in the future when she's less busy she'll like me again!" then they might wait around or not take opportunities to date other girls because they're still hung up thinking this girl is gonna come back around. you have to be honest and upfront. it may hurt his feelings but it will hurt more to keep leading him on or lie to him.

That can happen with some guys but I know it wouldn't happen with mine. He has too much going on his own life, he won't have the time to be fixated on a girl who isn't ready to be in a relationship. So, it really depends on what you know about the guy in question. Of course, one has to use their brain to come up with the excuses. As I said before, use whatever non-personal reason will work with your guy.

Some people think honesty is the best policy to fulfill some kind of sense of righteousness. Indeed, honesty does work in some situations but not all. Sometimes, you need to tweak that a bit, sometimes you need to outright lie. I think its important not to get hang up on redtape rules like "never lie" or never this or that. Sometimes, its better to evaluate the effect of your actions in certain situations and circumstances rather than doing something because we are socialized to believe lying is a horrible thing to do.

Saying the truth can damage people. Even the OP says that she is breaking up with her bf because he is too critical of her. What it seems to him to just being truthful and even helping her improve as a person, it damaged their relationship.

But it seems in this situation, the OP will do well with telling him the truth because at least he can change that quality about himself. If its something that is difficult to change (his looks, penis size, his success, etc), telling the truth will just be plain mean.