Advice on wife... Continued

[rob1984]

OKay, so those who do not remember the story you can easily go back and read it

Anyways.. So my wife took on a job she really has no interest in, ( selling cars ) she quit her old job and started there. She is not doing well obviously mostly due to lack of interest, but she is trying... She recently came to realize how insecure she really is.. there's this old guy there, who bosses her around, tells her to wipe the cars down ect.. and he's not even her boss. She said she has a hard time telling him no, as she keeps worrying what people will think of her and she does not want to be a bitch.. but knows she has to stand up for her self..

she feels so uncomfortable with customers, she feels stupid and things they are just going to laugh at her.. ( she's seeing her psychologist today again and will tell her this ) She is paranoid someone keeps looking at her weird.. she gained a few pounds where she is very uncomfortable now. Her real hair has been growing back now, so the wig looks weird on her she says and she worries people stare.

She feels useless, as people just take advantage over her and she cannot defend her self. She knows she has it in her, but is not used to being slightly over weight and her wearing a wig is starting to really get to her.. makes her feel very unpretty.

She let me read her journal, and its not great.. she wakes up sad and gets upset for no reason.. that her life is going no where.. I read how she was sorry for what she did, and how for the rest of her life she will have what she did on her shoulders and feels there is nothing she can do to make up for it. That I deserve better and she should be with a douche bag.

So what do you guys think of this info... How can I help her.. We have started exercising now, her mood seems better.. but she still feels like a **** all.

Do you think her actions a few months ago when she let the guy kiss her.. be a result of this real bad case of insecurty?

[Wakeup]

... or a real bad case of low self-esteem and she gets her validation and feelings of being pretty through the attention of the opposite sex instead of achievments accomplished and goals met.

Recommend that she take an assertiveness class or read books on same so that she knows how to calmly say "no" and not feel bad about it. Not being able to tell people no will make her have low self-esteem and feel insecure as well.

Is there a sales course she can take through her new job that will give her more confidence in what she is doing, which in turn will make her more successful at it which in turn will make her self-esteem improve. I'd hate to be doing something that I wasn't doing as good as I should be. If she's on commission, sales courses are something she would really benefit from both professionally and personally.

[rob1984]

she's also doing the job for me, she quit the old one cause that guy worked there.. she is trying I can tell.. I know what she did was cause how she feels about her self.. she has no respect for her self. Yes her self-esteem is shot down to nothing almost.. I think what she did was also someone other then me making her feel attractive and it was something she had a hard time with.. even thou what she did was wrong.. she was soo fooled its unbelievable how much he lied to her. I know all this from the changed and remorse.. I know she is suffering inside. I just need to help her find a way around all this.. I will bring up the books to her

[rob1984]

to add, Her mom is very odd.. I see where her behaviour comes from.. few years back her mom got drunk and flashed everyone.. my wife was embarrassed so was everyone else.. but I think I may have narrowed some of that stuff down.. She is currently at the psychologists.. and usually tells me how it went so we will see. The job she is in, is only temporary.. Im in the Military up here in canada and she joined as well.. a lot of her family members are in it. She made that decision on her own.. as she said she needs to learn discipline and have someone yell at her.

[michelle23]

rob i can reccommend a fantastic weight management program. i put on 8-10lbs when my aunt died due to depression and it made me feel awful so i can relate to how your wife feels. i lost 8 and a half lbs in 9 days about a year ago on the program and feel amazing. its called clean 9 and its sold online by a company called forever living prodcts. its expensive but worth it. its completely safe and natural. let me no if you want more info and ill pm you.

the main product is an aloe vera drink which would also help her hair grow back. they are amazing products. i used to distribute them but gave it up as it was time consuming.

i agree with wakeup. a course may also do her good. you could do one together

[rob1984]

Yeah I gotta do something, her appointment was double booked today so she gets a free session.. Anyone else wanna chime in.. I'll tell her about it Michelle

[michelle23]

What about a mindfulness or stress management course? Or yoga? Or you could start a new hobby together-something fun that will make you both laugh. Or maybe you could go to counselling together and talk through all the recent things that happened to help you forgive each other and move forward.

[rob1984]

all that stuff is good, its her self esteem and insecurities that I really need her to work on, cause its caused us the most, with her having some guy give her attention and her insecurities and low self esteem getting the best of her, to having people push her around at work.. and her not having much drive. Im hoping the shrink will be able to help. She was much different before we met, I can see her trying to be that again