Old Topic of the great porn debate.

[madotnw_nihs]

First time posting for advice on here. I have been married for 4 months with being in a relationship with her for 5 years prior. She is the type of girl who believes men should only think about their SO for the rest of their lives. No Porn, masturbation, and so on. I want to say first of all, I do love my wife, find her very attractive and will never cheat. But I do need to take care of business few times a week on my own with the assistance of porn. It's quick and I don't have to go through the foreplay, act, and aftermath. Anyway few weeks ago she discovered I have been watching porn on some days, and declared I am cheating and wants a divorce. She even told my parents of this (terrible decision). She installed a filter on my computer to block this sort of content and states if I she catches me again, she will file for separation. I will answer this question right away, "Yes, she is insecure". There is no debating this, and I made my own bed by marrying her. Divorcing is not an option because I do love her. I also want to say the filter is not a problem as I have ten ways to bypass it. However this is going behind her back and I don't want to do that. I feel my only option is to get her to understand and accept it, but I feel that will be an impossible battle. I am also just venting a bit.

[madotnw_nihs]

Oh Obviously, the option is for me to not look at porn the rest of my life......That seems kind of tough, but maybe doable if a gun is pointed at my head.

[bearz]

How often do you have sex with your wife? When you say you have to masturbate a couple of times a week it seems like there isn't much of a sex life going on. If there isn't, have you two talked about your needs?

[madotnw_nihs]

We average out 2-3 times a week.

[basilandthyme]

Why did you not address this issue BEFORE you got married? I honestly despair at people marrying with such huge unresolved issues.

[michelle23]

can you masturbate without porn? why is it so important to you? if it upsets her this much and causes this many problemsin your relationship and neither of you are prepared to compromise-you will end up divorced.

what about having more sex instead? or using your imagination to masturbate? or relationship counselling?

[Wakeup]

He said she doesn't want him to even masturbate.

[michelle23]

sorry my bad. if she doesnt want you to masturbate at all ever-that is extreme. tell her to give you more sex then-that might stop her hissy fits.

[Nicki XoXo]

I dont understand why she is making a big deal about this. Maybe its messing with her confidence. I do think that was ridiculous to tell your parents.

[Nicki XoXo]

Also for her to go on your computer and lock it seems controlling. Maybe if she asked and you agreed to remove it that would be different. She came off too paranoid.

[madotnw_nihs]

If I ask she would be willing to have more sex, that's not the issue. Like I said earlier, sometimes I would just want to take care of it on my own. I agree that this should be something discussed before marriage, but with her background and personality, she keeps those thoughts private. I actually think she will be willing to compromise eventually, but it will take some time. Thanks guys for your advice

[CompleteFailure]

When typing into Google "scientific proof why men need to masturbate" the first link that came up was to a MensHealth article. Those 5 reasons should be enough to convince someone who supposedly loves you as why you like to partake in some alone time. Of course you should probably find some fallback research with actual empirical evidence to drive the point home.

[ashley89]

oh god here we go again hahaha smackie's thread reincarnated

[searock]

That's insane, I think you'll be better off without her... controlling and crazy insecure.

However, if you lied to her about watching porn (i.e. you made her believe that you didn't watch porn), then I can see why she would be so pissed off, and I agree with her for wanting to leave you. Lying is never OK, especially not in marriage.

[basilandthyme]

I agree that this should be something discussed before marriage, but with her background and personality, she keeps those thoughts private.

So before marriage, you had absolutely NO IDEA that she would detest the idea of you masturbating?