This girl confuses me.. please help me understand.

[Krollins9]

Alright well, here is my situation, I'll start from the beginning.


For a few months now I've worked at a restaurant with a girl who I began having feelings for. Well, I'd start to flirt with her and notice a change in her behavior almost instantly. She would be more talkative, more physical, and flirty in just about every way. This carried on for a while, we even started texting and it was OBVIOUS we both liked each other. I noticed Valentines day was coming up so of course I asked her to hang out that night. I met her after she clocked out (we only work two days a week together) and greeted her with a flower and asked her to be my Valentine, sure enough she said yes! I was feeling like a king after that, I was so happy, the date we went on was a movie at the local theatre and we had an amazing night poking fun at the bad acting and just goofing off in general. After the movie we headed back to my car and by the time we got there I noticed the big grin on her face, I smiled back asking, "I had a great time tonight, did you have fun?" she just smiled back leaning in a bit closer and saying "yeah" so I leaned in a bit more and before I knew it we kissed. This was the peak of my night, I thought things were going absolutely perfect, almost too perfect. We texted the next day and planned for another date, and sure enough we were together again on another adventure, this time though.. I noticed she wasn't as talkative. I noticed but I didn't think too much of it until I ended up back at her apartment watching a movie with her and her roommate. She was barely talking except for with her roommate (Another girl of course), I would strike up conversation and it would carry but then quickly fade. I was starting to feel awkward just being there so when I got the chance I just casually looked and the clock stated that I needed to be on my way. Well.. now I was feeling a bit weird about things, I didn't know what was going on, things had gone so great on our first date before hand and now I was feeling like working with her would just be awkward. I ended up texting her asking how things were going and she just responded on how her studies were stressing her out like crazy, so in turn I told her that her studies were more important and to just focus on that for awhile. She thanked me and then days pasted with no other word from her. I eventually sent her a text just saying how I hoped her studies were going well and that she was on my mind, and her response was more details about a math exam coming up. I took the hints and just asked her if she would like to just be friends, she then responded with like FIVE PAGES of text explaining how I was such a great guy, and how she did like me, but that she had never been in a "more than friends" relationship before and that she was just more comfortable being by herself and doing her own thing. After accepting the fact that I was going to be bummed out for a few days I told her that I respected her choice but that we should still be friends and not let this make us awkward at work. Of course I knew it would be.. and sure enough, next day I worked with her we were both kind of silent around each other. The time after that we were a bit more talkative but not like it was, and now the most current time we have worked together she was more silent but she was purposely flirting with other guys around me, like she would only flirt with them if I was near enough to hear them giggle or play fight with each other :/ I don't understand this girl... we had a fantastic first date, we kissed (only because she was giving me signals to go for it), but then everything fell apart after that, and now she wants to make me jealous? I thought she wanted her alone time but I really don't get what she wants from me now. Anyone want to shed some light on what the hell is going on?

[ashley89]

hmmm... it sounds like she had a good date with you but maybe didn't feel the spark anymore or something. it is kind of odd how she suddenly got quiet and less talkative, but at least she was honest and said she just wanted to be friends. the only thing I can think of is she wasn't feeling it the same way you were. the whole thing about not being in a more than friends relationship and being comfortable alone thing sounds like a big BS excuse to me

[Krollins9]

Yeah, I thought it sounded like a lame excuse too, but what really got me was the flirting with other guys in front of me, I don't know what message she is trying to send to me through that.

[ashley89]

to me that indicates that she just wasn't into you but used it as a stupid excuse to get herself out of the situation instead of just being honest and saying she didn't feel the same way. it was a bitch move on her part but at least now you know how it is. if she really did like you like she said she does she would be going out with you, not making up dumb reasons not to and flirting with guys in front of your face! you might have dodged a bullet on this one :]

[Krollins9]

If I talk to any other girl at work though she gets all distant and grumpy, I find it funny but yeah I think I dodged a bullet.

[michelle23]

Shes an attention seeker. You had a lucky escape. Forget her.

[Coline]

Hi Krollins,
As you said she enjoyed the first date with you on Valentines but late her response bugs you. First try to sort out the problem where the problem would be? Remember anything you said or did, which disturbed her. Is she interested in any other boy? If she is then try online dating services and you might get lady of your dreams there.

[Krollins9]

I don't think she's an attention seeker.. she is a really shy girl and she does have a sweet heart, but she said she had never had a boyfriend before so maybe she just didn't know how to act in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Though that doesn't excuse her for flirting with other guys in front of me, I mean it's her life she can do what she wants but if she was trying to make me jealous it worked. I didn't show it though, I just acted normal and I could tell she was getting a bit unsettled by my uncaring attitude towards it. So I don't know, if she has truly never had a boyfriend before then I give her credit for being overwhelmed during the whole situation.

[ashley89]

I don't think she was seeking attention because the OP is the one who asked her out and kissed her, he made all the moves. it's not really as if she led him on in any way, she just responded positively at first and then changed her reaction. I still say she just lost her initial interest and made up the "I'd rather be alone" excuse to let you down softly instead of just telling the truth. think about it, if you liked someone and they asked you on a date why would you say no, I'm more comfortable being alone?

[Krollins9]

I asked her that, my words were "Why did you even go on a date with me on Valentines? Did you feel bad for me or something?" Her response was "No patrick i do like you but im just no into relationships. Ive been single for so long that im comfortable with that"

So yeah.

[michelle23]

flirting with everyone says attenyion seeker to me

[ashley89]

I asked her that, my words were "Why did you even go on a date with me on Valentines? Did you feel bad for me or something?" Her response was "No patrick i do like you but im just no into relationships. Ive been single for so long that im comfortable with that"

So yeah.

yeah she is just playing games, I think you actually lucked out on this one!