Seeking advice about discovering a past incestual relationship.

[bcgirl]

Firstly... It's normal for very young siblings to be curious and explore. I remember when I was 5-6 exploring my younger brothers nude body in the bath because we looked different. I also remember trying to mimick kissing and sex scenes on tv with my brother....BUT.... We were way too young to even know what sex was and intercourse was impossible. A 6 yr old child is very different than a 13 yr old. A 13 yr old boy is going through puberty and becomes very horny. And it's sad that he took advantage of his younger sis to satisfy his horniness because a 11 yr old virgin would NOT enjoy having sex for the first time...but she says she does to make her older brother happy. This speaks volume about who is in control here. Alsp at 13 you would know that incest is wrong, yet he went along with it to even make videos for his jerking off afterwards. As for them two being very close and friends... its also possible that your soon to be sis in law is suppressing the memories of having sex with her brother. In very many incentual cases involving children, they have more of an ability to supress trauma to protect themselves from emotional meltdown... Very neat phenomena our mind and body is capable of doing.
Anyhow, what's done is done...you are about to marry this guy. What is a good idea is to talk about it before walking down the aisle. This may be eating away at you down the years. If you were to open Pandora's box, it should be now not after marriage! Also, why did he keep the sex vids with his sis for all these years and just delete them now? I mean, shouldn't it be more common for you to find a recent ex gf sex vid than one that goes back 15 yrs?
And one last thing that you really should take into consideration is that there is a high statistical rate of sexual deviancy from those that have had incest relations as a child. What happens to us sexually as children carries over into adulthood in some form. Most rapers and pedophiles in jail have had a history of sexual abuse or incest as a child.
You should watch "capturing the Friedman" it's a real life case of a teacher that raped his students, his childhood history involved sexual relations with his younger brother (in which his younger brother has no recollection of having sex... Which I had mentioned earlier is very common)

[Wakeup]

Thanks everyone, I'm not seeking further advice because of the attacks I'm getting here. I think its very uncool and rude to call anyone a troll simply because they can't make sense of it.

You were'nt called a troll because "we can't make sense of it." You were thought to be a troll because it's not normal to come here and ask if you should talk to your bf who has had sex with his sister or NOT. For goodness sakes, your going to marry this man. How could you even consider keeping an incident of that magtitude a secret? If you're not a troll then I question your own emotional/pshychological health.

What more could I have done other than post info that I know, even if I don't know everything? I am not expert that knows how and why these things happen and can explain it. Yes, there a lot of things that don't make sense to me either, so I am blamed for that.

Stop being so maudalin about it and actually think about what you could be getting yourself into.

Is your reluctance to accept the anormity of what they did due to your fear of being without him? What are you trying to protect? Yourself, him, his sister, their parents?

Acting all hurt because people think/thought/still think this beyond the truth and you are trolling is just another way for you to avoid facing your own truth. Frankly, what I don't understand is why you aren't here for moral support and to help you get over him after you broke up over this. A one off 'experimentation' is one thing. What they did (are still doing?) is quite another and I'm still curious (if this is even true) who filmed them and if it's been distributed to child molesters all over the internet.

Surely you can understand why people are having a hard time believing this so let your indignance over that go and listen to the scenerios that could very well be going on.

[Wakeup]

To add: How do you explain what BasilandTyme had to say about the cameras? If this is for real then you might want ask your bf that when you talk to him. If they were being filmed by a third party then the ramifications are even worse then originally presented.

[bearz]

10 years ago digital cameras were already pretty decent and affordable for the average person, I know because I had one. The first digital camera my father bought was about 15 years ago, and that wasn't even one of the first ones. I'm sorry but basil's argument is pretty weak in this case.

[bcgirl]

If a third party was involved, that would indeed be worse. You HAVE to talk to your fiancé about this. It would be silly not to. If you are going to spend your whole life with someone, you need to know certain things....especially things in this nature and magnitude. If a third party wAs involved perhaps he can finally tell someone and release some of that burden. As for the camera thing, digital cameras have been around for 10 yrs + now so it is possible for him to have those vids on his laptop...why he didn't just get rid of them sooner may point towards a sort of sentimental value he holds on them being his sis

[Wakeup]

IMO: Whether her argument is "weak" or not isn't important in the scheme of things. Point is, its likely that he wouldn't have access to all that equipment it would take to film them and their parents not know about it. This is one of the questions Op would do well to consider when (if) O.o/ she decides to talk to her bf about his past. Did you film it yourself or did someone else do it.

[bcgirl]

10 yrs ago isn't THAT long. 2003. I remember still taking pictures with the film cameras and getting them developed, my friends all laughed at me cause they all had digital cameras and I wasn't that quick to jump into the digital cam technology back then. It's like ppl still carrying around a basic Nokia phone when we have the latest apple touch phones now a days.

[bcgirl]

IMO: Whether her argument is "weak" or not isn't important in the scheme of things. Point is, its likely that he wouldn't have access to all that equipment it would take to film them and their parents not know about it. This is one of the questions Op would do well to consider when (if) O.o/ she decides to talk to her bf about his past. Did you film it yourself or did someone else do it.

What's so hard about a 13 yr old filming with a dig cam and uploading it onto a laptop? I've seen 5 yr olds know how to access things on iPhones and iPads faster than adults. We are talking about a generation that was born in the 90's!! When my brother was 12 he hacked so many computers, he is able to get all the newest games, DVDs, music, books etc. and that was years ago! C'mon... A kid is WAY better with technology than an old adult. Don't tell me your still one of those that goes and pays money to rent Dvd's!

[Wakeup]

Well, not that everyone is/was like us but we didn't spoil our 13 year old daughter by giving her her own digital equipment/computer/video equipment etc at that age. We also kept a pretty close eye on her computer time just for the very reason we didn't want her chatting etc with strangers or getting into any trouble. She was fine with the restrictions becasue we explained to her why we were doing it. What I meant has nothing to do with them being proficient or not in using any of the equipment. If you notice I talked about having "access" to such equipment.

[bcgirl]

At this day and age.... What 13 year old doesn't have a cell phone?? All cell phones now are also dig cams, act as Internet etc. so the parents now a days really have a much harder time controlling what their kids are up to in a Facebook and twitter generation. As for dig cams for the Kids...What's the big deal? A parent can easily say... Use my cam, have fun kids! Sure beats sitting around and watching tv or playing video games.
Also I remember when I was young and my parents tried to monitor my Internet etc. it would never work because even then I knew how to bypass all the parental controls and sneak out of bed when everyone was sleeping to chat with old pervs on chat lines.
Parents are pretty clueless in what their kids do. They think they have the upper hand... But the kids can easily steal their parents dig camera without their knowledge or say I need it "for a science project" etc. etc.
I know I used the "I need Internet to do my homework" A LOT

[Wakeup]

Should I just delete the pictures permanently and never say anything to my boyfriend about having found them, or should I let him know I found them? It does not change my feelings about him or his sister,

This (if the whole thing is even true) is pretty scary. How can finding photos of your bf fking his sister, NOT change the way you feel about them at least in some way?

[bcgirl]

Also should note... Elementary and high schools do have problems with genious nerdy kid hackers. I remember being in school and all the schools computers would have parental restrictions to certain websites like porn websites... Well, us kids did find a way of hacking that. Lol.. It was pretty funny when the librarian would find All these naked nude porn photos on the computer and get so frustrated because she can't figure out who keeps doing that to her

[LisaW]

I have only known my boyfriend for 3 years. I do not know what what what happened 7 years prior other than typical family stuff. I assume they used a digital camera(s) simply because there were 100s of family pictures, and like everyone else I know, I've only known them to use digital cameras. There were only about 10-15 nude pictures of his sister posing like a model in her bedroom, there were several short videos which were mostly family videos of birthday parties, and other family gatherings. The family pictures covered a span of 10 years, and appeared to be taken by different people. There was lots of non-nude pictures of his sister, and she appears very happy in all of them. Even in the nude pictures when she was 11-12, she appears to be joking\playing around pretending she is a nude model. If not for the video with the sex, the pictures wouldn't be such a big deal because it just appears they were goofing around with the camera. There were a few videos where they filmed each other (and friends), but it was just kids being kids having fun with a camera.

[LisaW]

Firstly... It's normal for very young siblings to be curious and explore. I remember when I was 5-6 exploring my younger brothers nude body in the bath because we looked different. I also remember trying to mimick kissing and sex scenes on tv with my brother....BUT.... We were way too young to even know what sex was and intercourse was impossible. A 6 yr old child is very different than a 13 yr old. A 13 yr old boy is going through puberty and becomes very horny. And it's sad that he took advantage of his younger sis to satisfy his horniness because a 11 yr old virgin would NOT enjoy having sex for the first time...but she says she does to make her older brother happy. This speaks volume about who is in control here. Alsp at 13 you would know that incest is wrong, yet he went along with it to even make videos for his jerking off afterwards. As for them two being very close and friends... its also possible that your soon to be sis in law is suppressing the memories of having sex with her brother. In very many incentual cases involving children, they have more of an ability to supress trauma to protect themselves from emotional meltdown... Very neat phenomena our mind and body is capable of doing.
Anyhow, what's done is done...you are about to marry this guy. What is a good idea is to talk about it before walking down the aisle. This may be eating away at you down the years. If you were to open Pandora's box, it should be now not after marriage! Also, why did he keep the sex vids with his sis for all these years and just delete them now? I mean, shouldn't it be more common for you to find a recent ex gf sex vid than one that goes back 15 yrs?
And one last thing that you really should take into consideration is that there is a high statistical rate of sexual deviancy from those that have had incest relations as a child. What happens to us sexually as children carries over into adulthood in some form. Most rapers and pedophiles in jail have had a history of sexual abuse or incest as a child.
You should watch "capturing the Friedman" it's a real life case of a teacher that raped his students, his childhood history involved sexual relations with his younger brother (in which his younger brother has no recollection of having sex... Which I had mentioned earlier is very common)

Thanks for the constructive and insightful comments. I shall try to watch 'Capturing the Friedman'.

I do feel we need to talk about it, and I have pretty always felt that way, I am just very reluctant to be the source of creating a huge problem where none currently exists. I wish I never had found the pictures. Maybe they do have issues they need to work out, but that is between them, not me being the person who causes it all to happen. And the thing about his sister is that she is no push over. If she feels she been "Wronged" in some way, she doesn't hold back. She is more the type of person who would stop speaking to her brother if she felt he took advantage of her, so because they have close relationship now suggests she never had any regrets, or they long ago resolved their issues. Maybe they had sex only a couple of times, and that was end of it. But I guess I need to talk with my BF and let know I found the pictures, seem like there is no avoiding that talk.

[michelle23]

maybe they just has sex a couple of times? can you hear yourself lisa? you are in denial. she is his sister!

i think you need to hear his explanation first and if your not satisfied-hear hers. and then if your not satisfied with those answers-find yourself someone else to marry.

if they were forced to do what they did and its not their fault u could move past this but any other explanation than that-i recomend you run and dont look back.