Clearing the smoke from my eyes.. i feel kinda bad.

[smackie9]

I can see where you are coming from. If you say you are an introvert, and you don't interact too much with others, that means you haven't learn any of the social graces. Some peoples reaction, especially during the childhood school years, took the opportunity to pick on those who are not socially out going, shy, look dorky, mom dressed ya funny, etc. This can lead to negative behaviors in adulthood. For example challenging people, coming off as an asshole, arrogant or mean, is a defense mechanism developed over those years to help you cope with certain social situations. All these years of being an introvert, you spent your time observing social situation, and came to you own conclusions as to why others are popular, or attract the girls, have more fun. Now years later, you are still locked in that phase and you see guys that are well built attracting a lot of girls, and after looking at yourself think this must be why you don't have that attraction to others. You start to resent those guys, and feel body conscious from comparing yourself to them. You feel your only answer is to work out and should have what they have, but it's not working. You feel panicked, anxious, frustrated. It's not giving you the confidence you thought it would.

In this thread you are still challenge those who gave some some suggestions, you don't like what you hear and this is how you react to it. It seems you already have all the answers, and you egging on LR to stamp him down to make yourself feel good about yourself. This is the only way for now you can feel good about yourself, by being more superior intellectually, when in reality you are being rude to those you interact with. And you don't see it that way because you never had a chance to learn how to conduct yourself properly in social situations. It's a vicious cycle that won't quit.

[whatname]

I can see where you are coming from. If you say you are an introvert, and you don't interact too much with others, that means you haven't learn any of the social graces. Some peoples reaction, especially during the childhood school years, took the opportunity to pick on those who are not socially out going, shy, look dorky, mom dressed ya funny, etc. This can lead to negative behaviors in adulthood. For example challenging people, coming off as an asshole, arrogant or mean, is a defense mechanism developed over those years to help you cope with certain social situations. All these years of being an introvert, you spent your time observing social situation, and came to you own conclusions as to why others are popular, or attract the girls, have more fun. Now years later, you are still locked in that phase and you see guys that are well built attracting a lot of girls, and after looking at yourself think this must be why you don't have that attraction to others. You start to resent those guys, and feel body conscious from comparing yourself to them. You feel your only answer is to work out and should have what they have, but it's not working. You feel panicked, anxious, frustrated. It's not giving you the confidence you thought it would.

In this thread you are still challenge those who gave some some suggestions, you don't like what you hear and this is how you react to it. It seems you already have all the answers, and you egging on LR to stamp him down to make yourself feel good about yourself. This is the only way for now you can feel good about yourself, by being more superior intellectually, when in reality you are being rude to those you interact with. And you don't see it that way because you never had a chance to learn how to conduct yourself properly in social situations. It's a vicious cycle that won't quit.

Actually you are very correct in many ways...

I never was picked on and i dont hold resentment per say on anyone, but if i do its on my parents who kind of kept me in this glass box where i had to see others do things that i couldnt sometimes...Like when i used to visit my cousins in the US or another country, they would run around, get dirty in the mud, go to birthday parties, while i had to sit on my mother's lap and watch them because it was too dangerous or i could get hurt, that resulted in me not being able to even play with the nieghbor's kids, so i was an outcast who could see what happened and atleast...understand things by perceiving if you will...like i remember that i would be so outgoing, so fun, run around and then my mom would say, " stop you are gonna get hurt" " dont play with your cousin like that he can get hurt", " dont go outside the neighbors kids might be mean", " behave, be quiet", and i understood why she did it even then but it held me back i suppose, i feel like i was naturally outgoing but all this holding back tied me down into a specific personality..

i mean its so weird too because i get treated like in a seperate fashion too..Like in high school when i changed high schools and first arrived at a new one everyone again treated me like a king, and since i was quiet and respectful if someone said something to me that could be interpreted as mean, before i could respond, others would defend me, or if someone asked for my name, theyd say it before i would..same with my cousins, they always treated me with a respect like..imagine having a cousin you treated as someone whos smart and like..um special in a way, thats the feeling i get with everyone in many cases and it could be just me interpreting it like this but their actions kind of support it...i remember clearly a tme when i had gone to my parents native country, it was the first day of arrival, we were putting our bags down, we were in our house, and my parents went some where and left me alone, my family all lives like in a big square block where all our houses are and my stomach was hurting and i decide to lie down for 5 mins, i was in a daze and as i wake up theres like 10 little kids in my room staring at me, and saying hi, in a way i would never expect them to treat someone from their neghborhood, i was like an alien from another planet, but with a positive recognition to it..i think ive said enough for you to understand this premise i hold...

So if i have resentment as to who i am its not specifically against others, it might be a bit with my parents but i still like who i am...and ill elaborate..

You are correct that i spent alot of time analyzing people so much that lets say someone is talking in class, i expect others to react by looking at the guys whos talking in a way in which they are showing a way of challenging him or something along those lines, like thinking " what is he talking about?" and i look at them looking at him...like i try to think that much about that..

But you are wrong in the premise that i am acting the way i do because of resentment, or that i look at guys like that, or that i hold such a grudge...

What i hold at reasoning for being a bit of an asshole sometimes, or try to "win" anything is because, well up until maybe 2 years ago i just lived life, i was happy with everything, i was aware of who i was, it was perfect, i felt "aware" and "understanding" of everything, but as i grow up more, i see people having arguments about anything, trying to impose them selves, and i look around and even when someone says " this isnt about being right or wrong" i see it as being so in a way, its a way of seeing things that have made me more anxious, i dont act like an asshole or hurt anyone, i just put a shield that i interpret can come off as saying, this guy is confident, smart, understanding, but ill get my guns out if i have to..

So i dont actively act like a jerk..im a jerk when i feel others may want to impose themselves on me..

Social graces? i dont get this because most of the people i talk too in real life or online come off as narrow minded and then defensive to me, and ive always seen most of the masses being way more of a jerk than me because i atleast can tell whats going on and decipher it in my mind..

Look i try to be my self and i have no problems with who i am except when i interact with others, and i put on a shield of protection because they are doing the same, argumenting, i mean i dont see it as me being crazy when i see it as coping as a human...

So no i dont look at others and say thats what i should have or else i wouldnt be accepting to who i am, im not the guy who works out just to try to be like another guys, im not jealous, i just hold my self up high in my eyes because i love who i am, and when i look back at pictures i see my self as being so good looking, so the thing is that i look at my self now, and have doubts sometimes but the way i feel doesnt come from being a paranoid asshole to everyone which im not, or jealous because im not..

Not even when i was a kid did i feel aggressively jealous about anything, i dont resent others, i just hold an image of my self which i like..

Challenging suggestions? I treat them with respect and give my input, is that so much a sin?

Look i find it weird that this keeps happening, ive been to soccer forums, tennis forums, heck even when i talk to others on xbox about football or something, and i give my opinion and in football forums for example ive gotten attacked for how ive come off, but i always try to be respectful by giving a logical opinion and after long discussions they always tell me, well its because you come off as an asshole or such, but then isnt that in large part a problem of perception from others...because i dont think ive been rude in anyway, i gave my opinion and you for example told me that im worst than people with anorexia, and LR has told me i was on drugs one time when i try to make conversation..

So in my mind when i talk i try to talk logically but sometimes people might throw an poke at me and then say i come off an asshole but i wonder, why should i try to follow some kind of guideline when in fact i might make a lot of sense and dont insult or anything like that...

Im not stamping on LR lol, but lets face it as humans everything we do is to make ourselves feel better, even when we help others, so between you and me its just a difference of perception, thing is i value my self because i can atleast see this, while many others cant...

Rude? By giving my own opinion in a respectful manner? When was i sarcastic or arrogant? So i know that many times in forums ive been told, why give your opinion when infact you think you are always right, well im giving my opinion and its up to them to debunk me on why messi is better than ronaldo for example, well here i give my opinion to what you say and u find that rude? Even though im trying to be understanding?

Conduct my self? Its a minority of people who have ability of self perception, u just have a different style, and i think you are painting me as evil and deslusioned in a way when i dont think i am...because of what i have explained..

[whatname]

Bottom line, i see us as all being human, and i dont buy into acting with social grace when no one has this, everyone has their own opinions and i try to give a logical opinion while being respectful, i dont go around and saying i am right, you are wrong, you might get offended because you might think im a know it all who comes here for self indulgment and who shouldnt even ask questions if i wont accept them, but never have i done something so drastic imo..

I give my opinion on your opinion, and apparently this is something wrong?

And i dont hold jealousy or hatred against others, i dont aim to be the biggest asshole, or hurt anything in my path, i dont actively look down at others, i see others and say well im gonna be my self and anyone who tries to tell me that maybe i should less be arrogant is insecure in many ways because i am clear minded enough to talk about my self all day in self perception, and i see that as a virtue..

So i hold a perception of what i once was and what i want to be, everyone does, but its not something where i think im superior in a bad way, it where i want to be smart, and peaceful, i want to make sense, and i want to look good, which is everything ive always held i invoked because i think of my self highly but realistically..

You might say, well then why are u here if u think uve got all the answers? Well i dont..i have insecurities like all and i sometimes dont think im hot enough to ever do something with this gorgeous girl who i adore despite thinking other wise for most of my life, ( yet sometimes i take a bath, put on some new clothes and i feel like i could take her anywhere!) it can be shocking to me to be so fickle about something like my looks..

Why so much over thinking, maybe i think too much about what people never do.. i dont know and this is what causes the issue in confidence that you pointed out because i cant just be content with something? Like i see people who have such an easier time talking to others apparently but have so many problems that i dont, i feel so confident about so many things but then when it comes to maybe asking someone out or making sure i hold a positive perception of how i look i may hold doubts!

I dont hold resentment, i dont hold clue less narrow minded stereotypes in a sense, i dont hate my self, ive never longed to be someone else directly, I've never been the jealous type who does everything to be something hes not, but i do find it weird in life how guys like cristiano ronaldo, howard stern, ayrton senna, michael schumacher, jose mourinho, guys like these are sometimes looked at as being vile and evil and arrogant and pose the good guy image on someone else, when that is horribly wrong in so many ways, and thats how i feel with so many delusional people out there.. i can feel for someone like jose mourinho ( incase u know who he is), he always says what he thinks but doesnt attack anyone directly or mean harm to the world or see things so one sided as others who are pointed as the good guys do..

I just feel for guys like these and i feel like them many times when i am misunderstood for being something they hate when in fact they are that very thing in a way.

( and yes my grammar mistakes in many areas here are appalling due to typing fast in such a keyboard..."

[IndiReloaded]

In case you aren't sure, take the ARSE (Asshole Rating Self-Exam). Good luck.

http://electricpulp.com/guykawasaki/arse/

[whatname]

Well i took the test, the questions are not well written, i didnt know what to put for sure in atleast half of them..i got a 10..

[michelle23]

i think you should seek counselling OP. good luck to you.

[whatname]

Well to be honest i feel fine, just a bit insecure when it comes to my looks and some other things ..i dont feel depressed and im not a mess really..

[michelle23]

counselling for your very fragile ego and your OCD about your looks as welk as how you percieve others.

you are not "a bit insecure"- it is extreme.

and i dont think the reason your alone is coz of how you look-its coz of your narcassistic personality disorder which makes you unnattractive to people who have empathy for others.

i dont mean any offence. just being honest and giving constructive advice.

you are also obsessed with yourself and what you want, need, feel. have you ever considered how you affect other peoples emotions? i doubt it

[whatname]

I agree with what you said, but just want to point out that the part that says "unattractive to people who have empathy for others" implies im a jackass who doesnt care for other people, and thats def not me.

I can be ruthless sometimes and im more in the grey area of things i think.

But i think ido have an OCD for how i look, and my insecurities with people can make me feel iffy sometimes, and is part of my shyness/introverted demeanor.

If you know me i think i can be the coolest guy, very understanding, nice, and if you dont then it can be hard to know me since i am introverted and i have an ocd with how i look ad how i react, having to do with my ego.

[michelle23]

it is your decision. your obsession with your looks is unhealthy and i think counselling will help you. its nothing to be ashamed of. counselling is for prfectly normal people who just need a little help

[whatname]

Yes ill think about, look into it, ill see how it goes.

[michelle23]

Good luck to you

[smackie9]

Just wondering if you have asperger's. Your perception of your social interactions are...what I would say kind of off?

[whatname]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAfWfsop1e0

To put it simply without writing too much, i dont think im THAT fcked up.

"when in reality you are being rude to those you interact with. And you don't see it that way because you never had a chance to learn how to conduct yourself properly in social situations. It's a vicious cycle that won't quit."

"OK this will be easy. You do have opportunity between classes, so all you have to do is fight for position. Outside of class rush past her, but make sure you lightly bump into her, get in front of her turn, say sorry, turn away, then do a double take, smile at her say hi, and then say hey you are in my class, what's your name? There that's your first initial contact. If you can't figure it out from there, then you need to go practice on some other girls to build confidence. Girls are attracted to confidence.

Tip: never think that you are out of a girl's league. You will be surprised that these hot girls are just like everyone else."

Those are two quotes from you in 2 different threads i make, and what i read is that i over analyze stuff and should be more confident to put it simply, while you come off to me as someone who supports that i suppose, and which doesnt like to see people overthink it too much but dont let that overriding feeling confuse u too much as to what im trying to say..

In the first quote and in the second quote i kinda see a tone where u are trying to say i dont understand people, even in your last reply, like a lack of empathy, but i think its the opposite, i think its a bit of over empathy because i understand people up to a certain degree but feel insecure in various ways with some things, so putting it simple, more confidence would help.. I dont think im oblivious at all to how others think and i thought that i had made that clear, more so than other things even!

Throughout my whole life ive felt like a good person who doesnt have too many problems per say, ive seen my self as a healthy peaceful guy, and despite my insecurities i still hold this, so to just end this id just like to say that i understand that my biggest problem is confidence or in a way the fickleness of it, but im not as fcked up as some might think lol.

Btw i say i understand people because im right more often than not, i read how they feel and i feel the nervousness in them when they talk, i feel that they are just like me, they are human, just that my handling of it is not as confident as it can be, it doesnt go TOO much farther than that in a way imo.

[whatname]

Infact i over think things so much that sometimes i go for others just to hear their opinions and see if i can make some logical sense from them and i come to the same conclusion even though it might be hard to pull of, like saying there's nothing wrong with sky diving because everything will be alright but then theres always that chance of failure ( albeit not the most perfect example) so i have to start overthinking it and if i really feel that i know whats right, to go with it!

and stop being so fickle...