To marry or not to marry that is the question?

[needlepoint]

I am in a 3 yr relationship with a man who is separated and not divorced. He has a son 20's.from that previous relationship, I have never been married, no children of my own. I am wondering if I am just wasting my time in this relationship. He's been there done that and not interested in another marriage. He's not asked me to marry him, I don't expect him too quiet honestly though we've talked about it in general terms.
I am admittedly not without my own reservations in any relationship.

[michelle23]

we cant answer that for you.

it depends whete your at in ur life and what your hopes and expectations are for the future. do you feel like your settling for him? if yes-get out now.

or do you feel like he could fulfill all your other expectations apart from marriage? and can you live without it?

[basilandthyme]

Is marriage important to you?

[coconutz]

I thnk you are asking something you do know!

So you are messing with a married men?
Thats already a big wrong.

He still wants his wife , he is not single, he is using you by having a affair with you,
when he is done with you he will live happy with his wife.

And i guess both of you are not that young, so why would you waste any second on
someone else men?

And if he divorce her he will need years to heal. so he cant get into any marriage with you.

Get your own SINGLE men.

Beside men know very good what they are doing. And how they treat what kind of woman.
In your case you are just one more of those other woman!
with low self esteem that wants to be love and mess with married men.

[sentenzza]

I don't agree with cocnutz. Life is very complicated and relationships make it even more so.
I for one, do not believe in marriage because it is a great distraction in life. People marry because they do not want to end up lonely, yet marriage ultimately leaves them more lonely than before, think about it. Marriage means the end of friendship with any one else besides married women for women and married men for men. it means giving up all your freedom to answer to your spouse. It means your entire life will be made of you always conceding battles to your spouse .compromise is the key word in marriage, it is a miserable existense and the only people who end up benefiting from marriage are the government, women because men let them have it thier way for fear of confrontation and children because they get a "stable" home to growup. I must say that the later is urguable because if the parents are sad and always fighting because of the stress of marriage then the kids stability comes into play. Finally if you really love this man and you think he loves you too, live with him but you two must make up a set of rules designed to maintain as much freedom as possible in which case if love is no longer holding you together seperation becomes much easier.
But thats just me "a man" talking women have different motives and views of life. you have to think seriously marriage is much more complicated and stressfull than most people realize. I've been married before five years and while I love my wife and family i wouldn't do it if i had a chance to start all over. remember variety is the spice of life don't limit you options by marriage.

[michelle23]

I don't agree with cocnutz. Life is very complicated and relationships make it even more so.
I for one, do not believe in marriage because it is a great distraction in life. People marry because they do not want to end up lonely, yet marriage ultimately leaves them more lonely than before, think about it. Marriage means the end of friendship with any one else besides married women for women and married men for men. it means giving up all your freedom to answer to your spouse. It means your entire life will be made of you always conceding battles to your spouse .compromise is the key word in marriage, it is a miserable existense and the only people who end up benefiting from marriage are the government, women because men let them have it thier way for fear of confrontation and children because they get a "stable" home to growup. I must say that the later is urguable because if the parents are sad and always fighting because of the stress of marriage then the kids stability comes into play. Finally if you really love this man and you think he loves you too, live with him but you two must make up a set of rules designed to maintain as much freedom as possible in which case if love is no longer holding you together seperation becomes much easier.
But thats just me "a man" talking women have different motives and views of life. you have to think seriously marriage is much more complicated and stressfull than most people realize. I've been married before five years and while I love my wife and family i wouldn't do it if i had a chance to start all over. remember variety is the spice of life don't limit you options by marriage.

I think your cynical view on marriage means IF you ever get married-you will be miserable because you already believe that marriage has no value. Many experts believe that married men live longer as their lives are less stressful and they are well looked after and well fed (proper food) so they are less likely to die young of a heart attack. Also many researches believe that monogamous couples have more sex in their lifetime than any other type of couple or single person and sex is good for you.

Also if marriage was such a death sentence-why would anyone ever want to get married. The biggest cause of suicide in men is marital breakdown which means they must really love their wife if the thought of losing her is so unbearable.

Also in old age people-if the wife dies-the husband nearly always follows her shortly after as he cannot handle the stress of losing his beloved.

Just saying... many men value marriage, their wife and family a lot more than you give them credit for.

[michelle23]

I've been married before five years and while I love my wife and family i wouldn't do it if i had a chance to start all over. remember variety is the spice of life don't limit you options by marriage.

Perhaps you and your wife just weren't compatible? Maybe you got married for the wrong reasons? Maybe you just don't believe in monogamy? I know lots of happily married couples who have been together for 10, 20, 30, 40 years. I even no one couple who were just coming up to their 50th anniversary when the wife died sadly. And that couple who lasted almost 50 years were happy. You could see it a mile away. They were a beautiful couple who went through so much together and never took each other or their family for granted. They lived for each other, their kids and their grandkids.

I spent an hour chatting to my aunt the other night who has been with her husband for 28 years. She told me he is her rock, she worships him and their little family. As long as they have each other she will be happy and it is obvious how much he adores her.

I'm sorry if your experience of marriage was so bad but its not like that for everyone who experiences it.