Turning around my "love-life" ...

[OKANEED]

To put it frankly, I am an average looking teen guy, who plays high level sport, but not good enough to get noticed for it, and am pretty geeky.
I have this weird situation where I can get talking to a girl and they seem to be alright, but by the end of practically any protracted conversation, or, lets say a group project with a couple of girls, they are annoyed at me for something or other. I cannot work out what it is that I am doing So I was hoping to find out what you guys generally do when it comes to girls :s. It might be worth mentioning I basically have never dated, apart from twice, which I would definitely not call a serious relationship. I am not looking to get off with every girl I see, just get on with them.

P.S My general Modus Operandi is using sarcasm ... I think that may have something to do with it ...

Thanks in advance

[basilandthyme]

Yes, sarcasm may very well have something to do with it. A tiny bit of sarcasm on rare occasions is OK, but continual sarcasm is not nice to be around.

Try substituting being pleasant. And remember the old addage "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all" It will take you a lot further.

[Boisdevie]

P.S My general Modus Operandi is using sarcasm ... I think that may have something to do with it ...

I think you might be right there sport.

[OKANEED]

Mmm I guess it comes with being a scholar :/ and I do not say that in any arrogant way at all, but I just find my automatic reaction to those who ask inane questions or point out the obvious, or even worse say things like "Yeh well your gay" (Grammar fail left in for added effect ), is to say something sarcastic back :/ Okay I'll take that on board, so lets say I am working on something with a girl or a few in a group, is it good to follow the "ask lots of questions and let them talk about themselves" rule? Because that sounds like more of thing to do if you are dating :s Thanks for the reply so fast

[OKANEED]

Thanks Boisdevie I think I will try no sarcasm (or minimal) for a week and see where it gets me

[basilandthyme]

Mmm I guess it comes with being a scholar :/ and I do not say that in any arrogant way at all, but I just find my automatic reaction to those who ask inane questions or point out the obvious, or even worse say things like "Yeh well your gay" (Grammar fail left in for added effect ), is to say something sarcastic back :/ Okay I'll take that on board, so lets say I am working on something with a girl or a few in a group, is it good to follow the "ask lots of questions and let them talk about themselves" rule? Because that sounds like more of thing to do if you are dating :s Thanks for the reply so fast

You may not be intentionally arrogant, but I can assure you that this would be how other people interpret your behaviour. They know full well that you are mocking them and therefore they would find you unpleasant to be around.

If you want to fix this, you need to stop the sarcasm permanently. It will take people time to trust that you've become a nicer and more tolerant person. Certainly, you won't see any changes within the week which you propose.

That being said, why are you hanging out with people who are so different to you? Most of us tend to gravitate to those who have similar outlooks and education.

[OKANEED]

You may not be intentionally arrogant, but I can assure you that this would be how other people interpret your behaviour. They know full well that you are mocking them and therefore they would find you unpleasant to be around.

If you want to fix this, you need to stop the sarcasm permanently. It will take people time to trust that you've become a nicer and more tolerant person. Certainly, you won't see any changes within the week which you propose.

That being said, why are you hanging out with people who are so different to you? Most of us tend to gravitate to those who have similar outlooks and education.

I already have my group of "good friends" who find my sarcasm funny and are equally sarcastic back to me, but this was more a question of just meeting girls in a class I share with them, or just any time that we end up doing something together because of school or something. Thanks for your honest advice No sarcasm? This is going to be hard

[michelle23]

Its okay to be sarcastic with the people who get you and know you are joking. I'm quite a sarcastic person and me and my bf have a lot of fun mocking each other in a playful way but we both fully understand there is no offence meant. However, I would not do that with strangers who barely no me. Its okay with family and close friends who just do it back. You need to find a girl with a similar sense of humor to you and slowly introduce the sarcasm.

[OKANEED]

Its okay to be sarcastic with the people who get you and know you are joking. I'm quite a sarcastic person and me and my bf have a lot of fun mocking each other in a playful way but we both fully understand there is no offence meant. However, I would not do that with strangers who barely no me. Its okay with family and close friends who just do it back. You need to find a girl with a similar sense of humor to you and slowly introduce the sarcasm.

Thanks Michelle Okay, it's just the constant worry that I will end up in the dreaded "nice-guy" position, I always over analyse what girls say to me and think about how I ought to react to them. Also, if you know a girl is trying to manipulate you to do something (which most girls do, not maliciously, but they use the whole "aww please, you will be my favourite guy if you do this for me ...." tactic), is it better to just go along with it, or ignore them and risk them getting annoyed at you?

[michelle23]

haha "dreaded nice guy". I actually like nice men that treat women with respect you no. And all girls are not manipulative.

That really made me laugh. They are teenage girls. Don't take it all so seriously. Just be yourself. You will meet a nice girl that likes you for you

[OKANEED]

haha "dreaded nice guy". I actually like nice men that treat women with respect you no. And all girls are not manipulative.

That really made me laugh. They are teenage girls. Don't take it all so seriously. Just be yourself. You will meet a nice girl that likes you for you

Well what do I know only a teen, but the stereotype in my school is definitely that girls get annoyed by nice guys :s hmmm perhaps not manipulative but of all the girls I have met they always try and get me to do something for them.
I'm glad I made you laugh, though I am not sure how alright sure, it sounds so easy when you put it that way!

[Wakeup]

There is a difference between a "nice" guy and a "good" guy. Most gals want to end up with a good guy while they turn "nice" guys into their friends who do stuff for them. While he resents them for doing it while being afraid to say "no."

Thing is, you have to be able to say "no" if you do not want to do something for them. If they don't like you because you don't do something that you really don't want to do, then do you really need someone like that in your life? If they like you for you and not what you can do for them, then they'll not give you grief. Even if they do, just laugh at their dramatics and change the subject.

[OKANEED]

I hate to sound like a complete idiot but I can't see the difference between the two? Nice and good ... Yeh I guess that is a good philosophy, thanks

[basilandthyme]

I hate to sound like a complete idiot but I can't see the difference between the two? Nice and good ... Yeh I guess that is a good philosophy, thanks

Yep, I need explanation on that one too

[Wakeup]

"nice" is what you discribed. Doing things you don't want to do but you do them anyway because you're afraid to piss her off or turn her off you. "good" is a guy that won't let a woman take advantage of him, isn't afraid to say no to her but is there when she really needs him, has her back and is in something with her that is riciprocal.

Self proclaimed "nice guys" are usually harbouring a whole lot of "not nice" due to frustration from not being able to tell a girl No when he really doesn't want to do whats being asked of him. He also resents that his niceness and 'doing things' is rarely reciprocated or isn't appreciated... but he keeps doing it anyway.

Good guys are nice with an edge. No door mattiness from a good guy but you don't feel as if you're lacking anything even when they say no occassionally.