In need of serious advice?

[solip]

UGH I will try to keep things short but UGH I'm so frustrated right now... And yes, I did read the sticky about how to forget someone and it didn't help, I know all of that already and I think my problem kind of goes beyond that?

So hey, I'm a girl and last year around may when I started university I met a cool guy, friendly, with a good sense of humor, smart, extroverted blah blah, I don't know when it happened but I started to like him. I spent a lot of time by his side because we had classes from 7 am to 4pm all first semester and we waited for next class together, ate together, went home together and stuff, most of the time we were surrounded by friends of course but sometimes we did get some alone time, plus we talked a lot on facebook and. Well yeah I might have been getting mixed signals from him but I don't know, I'm usually very receptive about that but with him I couldn't read his mind at all. Maybe it's because he treats all girls nicely. Ok so I spent a lot of time with him and we were friends but I think he knew all along I liked him and I'm certain he didn't return those feelings because nothing ever happened between us: I asked him out a couple of times as friends and he didn't show up or he just didn't want to go at all in the first place. I liked him, and a lot, it was one sided but I think that I was about to fall in love with him, however I received the signals annnd I decided to let it go you know, not worth my time anymore. By september the second semester started and well, we grew apart because I obviously knew he wasn't into me and I just wanted to get over him. We were still friends though.

So yeah I was just minding my business, I know and I accept that even to this date I still care about him but I tried not to give him much importance because, like I said, I spent a lot of time with him before and I didn't want to be doing all that again, looking at it from this point I might have been /way too much around him, even declining being with my friends just to be around him (never again). Ok yes, I'm now all the time with my friends and I try to ignore him, to not look at him, just minding my business, studying, blah blah, actually I hadn't thought about him at all these last months. Thing is I had a dream this morning of him, just hanging around the university and he was ignoring me and it was obvious. When I woke up I tried to make out something out of it, I mean I thought I was over him but that dream hurt me so much and today, when I went to the university and I saw him, he was, indeed, avoiding me like in my dream. Or maybe I'm paranoid but that's how it seems to me.

So according to this thread on how to forget about someone (sticky on broken hearts forum)
I love myself too much, I know you don't need to be by someone's side to be happy and I've been keeping my mind busy watching series, studying, playing videogames and I thought I was genuinely over him! I was happy with my life, my friends, everything and even though, like I said, I still care about him, I know nothing is ever going to happen between us. I was moving on u.u

So what is going on with me? We weren't even in a relationship for gods sake! And I have to face him like almost all the week! I can't keep going like this, I've had advice from a friend but she's not one to talk because she's in a very similar situation herself. And I don't know, I just don't know anymore I need to get over this but I tried, I sincerely did but it didn't work :C....

Help me?

Edit: I posted this on broken hearts section because I think it's only appropriate, I do have a broken heart sponsored by him, but if I need to change forums please let me know?

[Cerby]

You probably feel as this may the "the one that got away", but you said yourself that you don't think he was ever legitimately interested. So you just need to do as you're doing, avoid him, avoid contact, and keep working on yourself. Time is the only true remedy for a broken heart, even if you never had anything to begin with. Alternatively, find someone to date casually for a while, let you mind and body have a break from pining over this guy who you can't have.

[smackie9]

We desire most what we can't have, that's why you can't shake it..... all you can do is let time pass and these feelings will eventually wear off.

[bearz]

It was just a dream, you really shouldn't read too much into it.

But I think the problem you are having is that he never actually told you that he isn't interested in you, all you got from him were signs that you might have misinterpreted. So you decided it was a good idea to just stay away from him but yet still have all these feelings and are wondering "what if".

Here's my personal opinion: If I were in your situation this would bother me a lot as well, especially when I'm not sure what the other person thinks of me for sure. So I would have a talk with him about everything, put everything in the open and see how he responds. Either he'll say he's not interested, in which case you can have a proper closure and move on. Or he'll say that he's willing to give it a try.

But in the end it's really up to you if you want to go through with that or just letting it go.

[basilandthyme]

I think it's probably easier to get over someone when we've actually had a relationship with them and know all their faults and the annoying stuff they do. In your case, this guy is probably still somewhat idealised in your mind because you've never had the opportunity to get to know all his annoying things.

I'm afraid this isn't 'advice' as such - but perhaps insight into why it's so hard will be helpful to you.

[amy37]

i agree with cerby,

you're wondering if it woulda worked out, or what woulda happened if...thqat's the killing question. So i guess you need to decide if it's something you want to pursue.

To help you get over him the only pieces of advice i can give is;

1) spend time on yourself, doing the things you love doing.
2)Get the support of close friends by telling them about your situation and spending time with them. Don't go at this alone, you need the support of friends as it can help a lot.
3)Try looking at other guys, by doing this it can get your mind off him and help you see that there are other options out there. As women we have a tendancy to become 'obsessed' over 1 guy.
4)understand that your emotions are going to come back for him like waves. One moment you'll feel for him, the next you'll be ok. Then they'll come back again and the process will repeat itself. This is normal for those feelings to behave like waves. In the long run the strngth of those waves will subside.

Good luck, luvs

[solip]

Ok first of all thank you all for replying, I thought I wouldn't get many replies because it was kind of a long text there hahaha but I did make it kind of short for all the things I have to say (which are a lot xD)

Ok about looking at other guys, believe me I do, all the time xD haha But I'm kind of a shy person (that's another problem, maybe some other time I'll discuss about it later on another part of the forum lol)

About talking with him... I don't know, I think I'm scared of what will happen, I know closure is so important and it's what I want but damn, if I didn't have to see him every day on university... I'd totally do it but I don't think my heart is going to handle seeing him every day if he rejects me (which is the most likely thing to happen)

And oh oh, that wave comment... Totally true and god, I think I didn't think of it like that, now that I do maybe I should get used to this happening?

Thanks again, I think I will just try to move on... Or maybe there will be a point where I can't handle it no more and I'll implode xD Or go drunk and tell him everything, blaming the thing on the alcohol haha

[Wakeup]

Coming in here late, op but I wanted to suggest you google "Limerence" and read the Wiki link to it. I think maybe if you know what (it sounds like) you're going through, you'll be able to get over thoughts of him. After you've read it, do make a conscious effort to change the thoughts of him when he pops into your mind, no lazing in your reverie about him. You'll get over your limerence quicker if you do that.

[solip]

Coming in here late, op but I wanted to suggest you google "Limerence" and read the Wiki link to it. I think maybe if you know what (it sounds like) you're going through, you'll be able to get over thoughts of him. After you've read it, do make a conscious effort to change the thoughts of him when he pops into your mind, no lazing in your reverie about him. You'll get over your limerence quicker if you do that.

I'm familiar with the term since even before I met him haha and while it does sound a bit like me right now, I think limerence is more pathological-like o.o and I already accepted nothing is going to happen, in fact I never wanted something to happen between us, it's just that well, he's still my friend too so having him ignore me after all the time we spent together is hard =/

[Wakeup]

If anything, its more psychological-like. Did you read the Wiki link. Many people confuse limerence with 'new relationship energy' but limerence isn't quite the same as that.

... and, accepting that "nothing is going to happen" is the first step to getting over the "hard."

Good luck.

[shesjustnotin2u]

Ive had a similar situation like yours before. My solution was giving them space and time. It was tough at first but I always kept myself busy. Slowly I was able to start dating and meeting new people. Eventually I broke the old habits and was happy again. I simply just gave it time for things to cool down and called/texted him a few months later. I knew he also valued me as a good friend and we were able to laugh again and catch up on life. Didnt spoke of the past or what happened but kept moving forward. Til today he's my friend and we still hang out every now and then. He has a girl friend now and we're still friends. Once in a while he'll try to flirt or tease me about our past. We'd laugh and tease eachother but know we'd never go there again. If he is a good friend like you say, he'll understand. Give it time. Everything will work out for its best. Good Luck! There are also other good people out there. Never settle for less.

[solip]

Ive had a similar situation like yours before. My solution was giving them space and time. It was tough at first but I always kept myself busy. Slowly I was able to start dating and meeting new people. Eventually I broke the old habits and was happy again. I simply just gave it time for things to cool down and called/texted him a few months later. I knew he also valued me as a good friend and we were able to laugh again and catch up on life. Didnt spoke of the past or what happened but kept moving forward. Til today he's my friend and we still hang out every now and then. He has a girl friend now and we're still friends. Once in a while he'll try to flirt or tease me about our past. We'd laugh and tease eachother but know we'd never go there again. If he is a good friend like you say, he'll understand. Give it time. Everything will work out for its best. Good Luck! There are also other good people out there. Never settle for less.

Thank you for sharing your experience, I hope it can go that way for me too I'll give it time and see how it goes <3

[shesjustnotin2u]

Good luck and best of wishes. XOXO