Boyfriend got angry when I asked about watching porn?? Help!

[sarahfort]

I'm hoping I might get some male feedback or outlooks on my situation. Female perspectives are welcome as well!

My boyfriends and I have been together 2 and a half years, we're in our 20's and are very happy. I am not blind or naive to the fact that when my boyfriend and I spend a night apart he uses porn to get off. Most men do. He often lets me use his computer and sometimes I'll even joke around like " Hey. big busty ****" last night hey, ha ha. And he'll just jokingly tell me to shush.

What bothers me is if porn or masturbating to it ever comes up, he will deny deny deny. He denies that he watches it, denies that he gets off to it. Last night before bed and before sex I wanted to know what kind of porn he watches when I'm not around. Sheer curiosity. What kind of porn turns him on so he can do his thing. He said it was awkward and I kept trying to get an answer out of him, and he shut me out. Totally closed the door to the subject. Told me he didnt feel comfortable discussing it, he felt awkward and wanted to go home to sleep. He ended up staying but I'm sure it was only because i was upset and he was tired.

I don't understand why he feels he can't talk to me about this? I can share anything with him, especially if its anything sexual. And I don't have a problem with him using porn as a visual when I'm not around, I KNOW those girls arent me, nor does he wish they were. Simply visual. What I don't understand is why he is so ashamed and embarassed that he does masturbate to other naked people. I don't understand why he'll deny it even though he knows, that i know. We spend 5-6 nights a week together but I have noticed whenever I'm not around he will watch it before bed. I have hurt feelings that he just shut me out, and won't be open about that kind of stuff, and that he feels he has to hide it from me. It kind of hurts when he does it behind my back, I'd rather not the sneaking. He was upset and acted quite harshly towards me, enough so to leave me in tears.

So guys. Do you talk openly about porn with your girlfriends/wives? Is there any reason why he might feel awkward or embarassed to the point of turning around and going to sleep angry with me? I'm just confused.

And girls, Would you feel hurt about this? I was only curious to know what gets him aroused when I;m not present. Might come in handy one day, role play or dress up... I can't understand why he is so closed off to the subject.

someone... give me anything!!

[Sekret]

Do I talk openly about it totally. Very wiered a guy will have issues with this. What's his background like, religious/conservative? Maybe feels guilty for whatever at watching porn or masturbating. How to get through to him part I have no idea to be honest. After two and a half years of physical relationship he really shouldn't have a problem with it, when you seem to have no problem at all yourself.

Do you read steamy novels, erotica or watch porn? Maybe you start openly doing those things. Even just talk about your fantasies. What kind of porn you enjoyed etc, might lead him to be more about it too. Maybe and maybe is it possible you might be able to talk to one of his friends. Personally I might not like it but is an idea.

[michelle23]

just accept that its private and he doesnt want to discuss it. its not a big deal. if you keep pushing this topic-youll drive him away.

lots of people dont wana discuss masturbation. lots of people deny doing it. you dont need to no this info as it doesnt affect your relationship or your sex life and you are cool with it so just stop mentioning it and enjoy your time together

[surfhb2]

Me and my wife watch it together. Ever try that ?

[TheEnigma]

You're not 'male' if you don't watch porn, it is what we do. Seems weird he doesn't want to talk about it, maybe he has a fetish he doesn't want you to know about, might freak you out.

[pepperanne1016]

well my bf used to watch porn and all that stuff and i had asked him the same questions because it made me feel the same way its probably making you feel. it made me feel insecure, very hurt etc. he also didnt want to talk about it and i got very frustrated that he kept changing the subject. the thing that helped me was knowing that although i hated it and how it made me feel that he was watching it that he was not physically cheating on me with another female and also it gives ideas to do in bed.

after being together for 5 1/2 years he doesnt do anything like that anymore and we worked through it.

[bearz]

I have a feeling that the biggest reason why guys don't really want to talk about it or admit it is because they feel embarrassed.

[dickriculous]

Have you tried rubbing your clit and/or working a dildo to some porn at a time and place where you know he will walk in on you?

I know that sounds a bit crazy but I'm actually serious. If THAT doesn't lure him out of his shell then it's probably a lost cause and you should just stop talking to him about it.

I was only curious to know what gets him aroused when I;m not present. Might come in handy one day, role play or dress up

Have you tried simply talking about the things that get the two of you off? It's something couples should be doing anyway, whether or not they have these problems. If he's closed off to that then just make a suggestion to him about something you want to try and see if he's up for it. "Sweetie, I wanna dress up as a school girl next time we're in bed together and for you to bend me over a chair/table/the bed/whatever and spank me for being a bad girl until I start crying, then I want you to REALLY punish me with that hard throbbing cock of yours" - how hard can it be to ask for that? Or something else you wanna do that you think he might like.

Btw just because guys like porn and like what they see it doesn't mean they want to act it out with their gf so keep that in mind too. That probably just sounds weird to you, I dunno it's a guy thing. I mean, I like to watch things like 69 action, nipple clamps, tentacle rape, 5 or more person orgies, etc but I have no interest in actually doing any of those things irl, even if I fap to them at times. Girls who know this about me say that it makes no sense to them so it might just be one of those weird gender differences where one will never fully understand the other. To me it's weird that it's weird to them.

Not saying it's the case with him but it's just something to be mindful of - maybe he wants to act it out with you and maybe he doesn't but it's best not to assume.

[Nath]

Never ask us males about our porn collections. I grew out of that phase long ago, and without the help of a frustrated girlfriend.