My heart is broken...

[2BeABetterMan]

I don't know what to say or how to start, but I know I need someone's help. I'm just going to pour is all out there to see who's listening. This is my story;

I'm a 29 year old male, and this is the first time in my life I've had my heart broken. I can't even describe how much is hurts right now. I can't breath. I can barely type. My head is spinning... so many thoughts I can't even put them into words. Why did I let her go? She was perfect! I had so many chances. I ****ed up big time. Will I forever regret this decision? I finally know what's it's like to have a shattered heart... and it hurts so so much. More than I could have ever known. I'm a complete wreck... and here is what happened...

I had the most amazing woman in my life, she was everything I ever wanted. Beautiful, intelligent, genuine, and she'd do anything for me. I will say that I treated her like gold and took her out on amazing dates, we did lots of fun things together and kissed and laughed and had fun. But I never fully opened up to her or let her all the way in, and I knew that's all she wanted me to do. I guess you could say I'm a closed person, and that I'm afraid she might not like what she sees. I found stupid things to dislike about her, to help hold myself back. The smallest little details that don't even matter. I never let my love for her pour out. Deep down it hurt her, and I was too caught up in my own life to even fully realize it.

She gave me plenty of chances, but I guess you could say 'something inside me 'wasn't ready'. For some reason I just couldn't commit, I guess I thought I was too cool? Didn't want to give up the single life? Am I really that crazy? I'm not getting any younger, and we would have lived a perfect life together. Maybe it's a sign that I just wasn't ready, but I know for a fact that I won't be able to find another girl quite like her. And in my own head I want to settle down and have kids. Should I try online dating?? She was, as truthfully as anything on Earth, the girl of my dreams. And she wasn't about to wait around for me to figure it out. Well, she has got up and left, and found another man who's showing her that love that she deserves. It hurts me so much for so many reasons, and this is the first time in my life I truly wish I could re-wind the clock and do a part of it over. I ****ed up really bad, and I hurt two people in the process. She was hurting the whole time we were together, and I'm am hurting so much now. I don't think this will be an easy heal... it hurts too much, like a deep wound. This will leave a permanent scar. But maybe that's needed... perhaps there's a longer, deeper heal that I need in my life to truly change my ways. To become a better person... I dunno, I hope this is true. I really, truthfully with all my heart want to become a better person. I really just wish I could tell her how sorry I am.

I can't say that deep down I'm not happy for her, because after getting to know how amazing and genuine of a woman she is, I know how much she deserves to be with someone who truly loves her for all that she is. She deserves to go off and live a very happy life. Deep down, I wish her all the best... but it hurts more than I ever knew it could hurt.

I don't know what to do from here. My mind is scrambled, and I'm replaying so many things in my head. How could you hurt her? I'm getting older, am I really going to find another girl as amazing as her? The second she was gone I'd realized what I'd lost. It felt like a belt smack across the face, waking me up from a cold sleep.

I really didn't give her the true respect that she deserves, and that is what hurts the most right now. I can't say I don't deserve this, I've hurt too many people in the past. Someone loved me and I didn't let my love for them out. I didn't respect their feelings, I hurt them. I've hurt too many people, and I'm tired of hurting people, I'm tired of living a closed life and not opening up and trusting the people around me. I want to be a better person, I really want to be a better person.

I need to become a better person. I'm too selfish. I needed to know what's its like to get hurt, to really have your heart broken. I needed to know what pain felt like. The pain right now I wouldn't wish upon anyone, ever. I need to respect other people's feelings, I need to treat people better. I need to change my selfish ways. I need to open up to the people who love me, my parents, family and friends, and let them all the way in. I hope this humbles me... I really hope it helps me change the person who I am. I swear I'm a good person, I never mean to hurt anybody, but I know I'm too selfish. I hope this is a first step, the pain is so great I feel unable to cope.

Please someone help me, I need somebody to lean on. I know I might not deserve it... everyone makes mistakes, and I need advice in how to deal with the pain. How do I go into work? How do I tell my family? How do I become a better person?

[michelle23]

what exactly did you do that was so bad? Did you cheat on her? Its sounds like your not giving us the full story...

If the only mistake was not opening up enough and not knowing how to express your feelings-I think you should forgive yourself for that. But I get the feeling there is a lot more to it.

[2BeABetterMan]

what exactly did you do that was so bad? Did you cheat on her? Its sounds like your not giving us the full story...

If the only mistake was not opening up enough and not knowing how to express your feelings-I think you should forgive yourself for that. But I get the feeling there is a lot more to it.

I did not cheat on her, not at all! I understand why you would think that though. What was so bad is that I played around with her feelings by not committing entirely when she really needed me too. I would 'drag her along' if you will, because I knew how amazing she was so I didn't want to lose the opportunity to finally commit 'when I was ready'. Like what the hell was I thinking! I had the girl of my dreams in my arms, and I let her slip away! I would talk about things like Kids and family with her, but never tell her that I love her. I didn't mean to hurt her, but now that she's gone (hasn't been long... a few days) I've had time to really reflect and understand the pain that I've caused her. Now the pain is on me. I never realized how much it could hurt. The pain in my chest is unbearable. My heart aches. I just want to go back, even 3 months, so I could change everything.

I'm devastated, I was up all night tonight. She's gone for good and it kills me inside... I'll never find another girl like that.

[pcmaster]

First of all realise that pain is temporary.

Second google some how to get her back guides on google. It will help you get your shit together.

Third realise that you rearly didnt know - if you would know better you would do better. Think about yourself as a friend, see your positive sides.

Might be very hard but realise that shes just a girl, just a human. And your love that made her special, without your gracious thoughts she would be nothing in your life. You are ignoring her negative sides and actions right now.

I know sometimes you want rip out your heart out of chest just to feel at peace but its the feeling of guilt that is most killing. Forgive yourself man. You have to stay busy so dont quit job - trust me, keep everything as it was before the pain. Find one positive thought in your mind and focus on it - many more will follow.

After every night comes moorning. Face the sun and shade will stay behind your back.

[michelle23]

is there any way you can tell her how you feel? That you do want to marry her/have kids with her?

If it has only been a few days you may still have a chance.

How did you break up and why?

[2BeABetterMan]

Update: I was able to tell her how I feel, I poured my heart out to her. I drove by her place with flowers and we had a really long chat. This was last weekend. All week I was thinking about her and we we're texting and chatting. I sent her some really cute e-cards and things like. The problem is, this new guy is doing everything perfectly, and she tells me she needs time to focus on him. "He deserves it." She is confused, and doesn't know what to do. I know she still has feelings for me, but she also is developing feelings for him and I know it's been really hard on her. Here is the current situation:

1. He is coming to visit her and meet her family in 3 weekends. (Heart aches thinking about it).
2. She has asked me to give her two weeks to think about everything. I know I have to respect her request, it's only fair, however:
3. I don't want to come across as desperate, but I also don't want to give it enough time for her feelings of me to fade, and her feelings of him to grow.
4. My only hope of winning her back is to find a way to stay in her mind, and therefore put up a wall between her and this new guy. If he senses I'm still in the picture, I think he will pull back.
5. Right now she still has feelings for me, but I know she can fall quickly, and he is woeing her.

The last thing I want to do is come across as needy or desperate, but I also can't just go silent because I fear I will lose any ground that I've made up. I'm a huge underdog, against all odds, but I'm going for it with everything I have!

What should I do?
Can I really give her two full weeks? Each day is so important right now and both of us try to win her over.
I have a very cute, thoughtful gift that I made for her with my bare hands, and I want to ship it to her. Should I do it? When?

Please, anyone who can provide any input, it would be greatly appreciated. I need her in my life, and I can't let her move forward with this new guy. My heart is still torn apart, what should I do? Tnx!

[toknow]

I think the gift is a great idea. You need to help her remember her feelings for you.

[michelle23]

You need to sit back and do nothing. If u are meant to be-shell find her way back to u. Im sorry but you cant do anything else. This new guy is prob just a rebound and its unlikely to last. Theirs a 50% chance shell forget alk about both of you and a 50%chance dhell come back to you once she gets this outa her system.

In the meantime you need to respect her decision to end your relationship and leave her alone. If shes not back to you within a month-accept its over and try to get on with your life.