Dating a suspected slightly mentally challenged person

[Turbo]

Howdy all,
this is the first time I have ever come across this, seeing if anyone else has. On a popular dating site I receive a message from a 25 year old and start texting (I prefer this to email).

Her occupation says "disability", she described it as a "short term memory problem", said she has not worked in over a year due to it, and does not drive.

Her speech is fine, and memory seems fine too, but not completely socially there, hard to pinpoint exactly is going on though. Before the first date it seemed as though it was difficult for her to convince her mother to let her go out with me, actually delayed it a few days... I figured since I was from the "Internet", but she had to really fight with her mom to allow her to come over to my house, where we plan to cook dinner. I asked if she had this problem with other guys, she said I am the first to want to invite her over, which kind of freaked me out (fearing she will becomg a mega-clinger... as it is now she texts me a LOT).

[pcmaster]

Theres cool movie about girl who loses her memory every day - 50 First dates

If you not sure then take it slow.

[basilandthyme]

Turbo, good on you for giving her the time of day.

If you do take her out, my best advice is to be completely honest with her at all times. No game playing and no leaving her hanging if you're unsure. If there are issues eg; she's texting you a lot, set the parameters as to what is acceptable to you. But be very clear - leave nothing open to interpretation. Instead of saying "Don't text me so much" say "four texts per day is good" or "I can't text when I'm at work, but the evenings are good. But not on Tuesday nights because I play tennis"

And I'd also suggest you get to know her mother very early on and show that you mean no harm.

[asdfg789]

... but she had to really fight with her mom to allow her to come over to my house, where we plan to cook dinner.

going to a internet stranger's house for a first date ? i would be nervous too !

[Rowen]

Just take it slow. If you can't handle it, move on. Good night, and good luck.

[surfhb2]

Maybe I'm just an assshole but a girl with short term memory loss, doesn't work or drive doesn't sound like much of a catch

[vashti]

Maybe I'm just an assshole but a girl with short term memory loss, doesn't work or drive doesn't sound like much of a catch

That isn't too far off from the description of my daughter, especially post-operatively, and trust me, she IS a catch.

[Rowen]

That isn't too far off from the description of my daughter, especially post-operatively, and trust me, she IS a catch.

^ Agreed.

It shouldn't matter if she doesn't drive or work because of her disability. And it certainly shouldn't matter that she has this disability. So, surfhb2, I'd say your statement is completely shallow and unrealistic.

[dem862]

Well, it does sound like there might be some issues. I would be concerned about family enmeshment. Just how much control does the mother have over a 25 year old woman? Memory problems are usually associated with traumatic brain injuries, which often carry a large degree of mood lability. Does she throw tantrums if she doesn't get what she wants? Without more information, it is difficult to tell really. But generally, to get SSI disability, a mental health professional must be convinced the impairment is so severe the person is not able to work full-time. Medically, the fact that she doesn't drive could either be due to seizures (also a possible effect of TBI) or that she is cognitively unable to pass the test. She may also lack interest in driving, or it may not be necessary depending on where she lives. If she is on SSI, ample testing was done and results are known. The mom would know all about it.

[coconutz]

i would think why do you want to date a person with so much issues?
and no good guy would invite you first to their house.
cause you barely know each other
and a lot can happen at home.

if you are a good guy why not in the open air.
or if she live under her moms guide cause of her sickness
why dont you go over to meet the mom and her?

even thou i still think you should date other people.

[HeartIsAching]

Cupcake's a girl?!