You! The Dumper Guy.. Breakup FAQs

[myhkiestraw]

Has anyone here who "dumps SHE"? Root of problem: Misunderstanding, attitude/character problem, arguments and fighting, so forget about he likes other girls that's why he dumped her. Try answering some questions that boggles our (we girls) minds...

1) First things that comes to your mind? (other than thinking about getting one-stand)

2) First thing you should do? (other than hitting the club)

3) How about the stuffs she gave to you? What will you do to them?

4)Do you still check your phone for her texts, or IMs in Skype/Yahoo and emails (if LDR), even if you knew she isn't gonna send you one?

5) Pretty plain fact that the dumper always have a headstart on moving on. Does that mean there is no more hurt for you?

6) Did your ex's face, or the memories of her, or the times you have together, EVER crossed your mind? How frequent?

7) Breaking a habit, especially if it involves her, is it bearable? Or do you often found yourself sitting during that time and missing her instead, thinking what she's doing?

8) Since you're the ones who broke up (which is not typical), does it mean you fall out of love of us completely, even before break up? (i know guys who are thinking of break up often gives cold treatment to girls)

9) If you broke up with her out of your anger, is there any possibility that you regret it later on? Especially if you realize you are wrong and that you have let go of someone you think you can never ever find someone like her again?

10) What if you want her back, and you've realized she moved on (and cut off any means of comm), but still thinks that she loves you, what would you normally do? give up and leave or try to win her back? (cause sometimes we girls just need to see how far will you go this time to have us back)


....need really your opinion guys, especially if you are the dumper (as per the title says). It helps us girls to settle our emotions on what our guy is doing after the break up. THANKS!!!

[Sam29]

I think women go through the same emotions as the "dumper" as men do, but will try and answer your questions.....

1) First things that comes to your mind? (other than thinking about getting one-stand)

FREEEDOM!!!! No seriously, I think about what I can now do on my own without answering to anyone else. Bit like moving out of home for the first time.

2) First thing you should do? (other than hitting the club)

Find a wingman. Sounds bad, but no point sitting in a bar on your own.

3) How about the stuffs she gave to you? What will you do to them?

I wouldn't keep. This would be the same for most people and genders I think.

4)Do you still check your phone for her texts, or IMs in Skype/Yahoo and emails (if LDR), even if you knew she isn't gonna send you one?

Yes.

5) Pretty plain fact that the dumper always have a headstart on moving on. Does that mean there is no more hurt for you?

Again, same for both genders, you go through the hurt and doubt and all the emotions ahead of time. As the dumper you have had time to deal with it, where as the "dumpee" is typically blindsided.

6) Did your ex's face, or the memories of her, or the times you have together, EVER crossed your mind? How frequent?

Of course, at one point there was love, and the good memories sometimes come through from the bad ones.

7) Breaking a habit, especially if it involves her, is it bearable? Or do you often found yourself sitting during that time and missing her instead, thinking what she's doing?

To a point yes. The feeling of guilt can be over whelming.

8) Since you're the ones who broke up (which is not typical), does it mean you fall out of love of us completely, even before break up? (i know guys who are thinking of break up often gives cold treatment to girls)

Probably the same for both genders, once you decide this person is not the one for you then you do "fall out of love", you no longer have the same emotions you did for them.

9) If you broke up with her out of your anger, is there any possibility that you regret it later on? Especially if you realize you are wrong and that you have let go of someone you think you can never ever find someone like her again?

Definitely, things said out of anger or in in the heat of the moment are never good. It is always with regret to look back on words spoken in anger. If the other person can tell you in a calm way that it is over, then it is over. Arguments should be taken with a pinch of salt.

10) What if you want her back, and you've realized she moved on (and cut off any means of comm), but still thinks that she loves you, what would you normally do? give up and leave or try to win her back? (cause sometimes we girls just need to see how far will you go this time to have us back)

I've done this, contacted someone I left after many years. She had moved on and I very quickly realised this. I let her go, she was happy and it was my mistake.

Hope that helps.

[FlaCooln]

1) First things that comes to your mind? (other than thinking about getting one-stand)

Freedom, Relief, Calm

2) First thing you should do? (other than hitting the club)

Be single for awhile and catch my bearings. Get back in shape and get rid of the "lovechub." Also, find a wingman.

3) How about the stuffs she gave to you? What will you do to them?

Depends on what it is. I am not going to return every Bday or Xmas gift and I would NEVER want her to do so either.

4)Do you still check your phone for her texts, or IMs in Skype/Yahoo and emails (if LDR), even if you knew she isn't gonna send you one?

Nope, not really.

5) Pretty plain fact that the dumper always have a headstart on moving on. Does that mean there is no more hurt for you?

There maybe a some hurt, rather dissappointment that things didn't work out and/or that she was not the one for me.

6) Did your ex's face, or the memories of her, or the times you have together, EVER crossed your mind? How frequent?

On occassion, lots of things trigger memories both positive or negative.

7) Breaking a habit, especially if it involves her, is it bearable? Or do you often found yourself sitting during that time and missing her instead, thinking what she's doing?

Not really, I broke up for a reason.

8) Since you're the ones who broke up (which is not typical), does it mean you fall out of love of us completely, even before break up? (i know guys who are thinking of break up often gives cold treatment to girls)

No, there still maybe love...I'm not "in love," but I care.

9) If you broke up with her out of your anger, is there any possibility that you regret it later on? Especially if you realize you are wrong and that you have let go of someone you think you can never ever find someone like her again?

Never broke up in anger and don't have any regrets for my past breakups.

10) What if you want her back, and you've realized she moved on (and cut off any means of comm), but still thinks that she loves you, what would you normally do? give up and leave or try to win her back? (cause sometimes we girls just need to see how far will you go this time to have us back)

Never been in that situation because when I break up there is a really good reason(s). Once I fall out of love with someone that is it.

[Rowen]

I'm gay, but I've ended two relationships before...

1) First things that comes to your mind? (other than thinking about getting one-stand)
Relief about the fact I can finally pursue my happiness. While I feel bad about dumping the person, I hope they'll grow from the experience.

2) First thing you should do? (other than hitting the club)
First of all, I am against clubbing in all shapes and forms. But the first thing I do is wind down a little with an activity that makes me happy. For instance, I'll watch a movie or play some spider solitaire with my Frank Sinatra records playing. Something easy going.

3) How about the stuffs she gave to you? What will you do to them?
I actually never received ANYTHING from any other guys... But if I did, I'd maybe try to see if our breakup means they want them back. If they didn't want them, though, I'd add them to my memory box.

4)Do you still check your phone for her texts, or IMs in Skype/Yahoo and emails (if LDR), even if you knew she isn't gonna send you one?
No... I ended it. It's over.

5) Pretty plain fact that the dumper always have a headstart on moving on. Does that mean there is no more hurt for you?
No, there is always hurt that it didn't work out and things changed that the relationship pushed you to the point where you needed out... The loneliness is the biggest part of it, for me. But after a while of being single and focusing on my happiness, I'll be ready to recreate my online dating profiles.

6) Did your ex's face, or the memories of her, or the times you have together, EVER crossed your mind? How frequent?
It does as memories...but it doesn't make me miss the person at all. It more or less makes me re-assured that I'm making the right choice.

7) Breaking a habit, especially if it involves her, is it bearable? Or do you often found yourself sitting during that time and missing her instead, thinking what she's doing?
What the hell... It sounds like you're trying to get guys to admit they miss the person they're dumping. I don't dump someone unless I'm sure, so no. I do NOT miss the person like that.

8) Since you're the ones who broke up (which is not typical), does it mean you fall out of love of us completely, even before break up? (i know guys who are thinking of break up often gives cold treatment to girls)
You never fall out of love with someone... *nudges signature* If they do and have to end it, it's because that love has grown into a different kind. There will always be a place in the guy's heart, but it's not the same with that person that they'd want them back.

If they fall out of love, they were infatuated.

9) If you broke up with her out of your anger, is there any possibility that you regret it later on? Especially if you realize you are wrong and that you have let go of someone you think you can never ever find someone like her again?
I don't break up out of anger. I break up after I've spent a long time thinking about it.

10) What if you want her back, and you've realized she moved on (and cut off any means of comm), but still thinks that she loves you, what would you normally do? give up and leave or try to win her back? (cause sometimes we girls just need to see how far will you go this time to have us back)
Assuming "moving on" means a new boyfriend, it's sickening to think of anyone doing that to someone they "love." I'd move on.

[basilandthyme]

Another female here. To be honest, I don't see much difference between being male or female dumper.

1) First things that comes to your mind? (other than thinking about getting one-stand)

Freedom. Peace. Calm. Oh, did I mention, freedom?

2) First thing you should do? (other than hitting the club)

Find somewhere else to live. Unfriend on FB.

3) How about the stuffs she gave to you? What will you do to them?

Depends if it was good stuff or crap. Crap goes in the bin, good stuff will continue to be used. I would never return gifts, nor would I want gifts I gave returned to me. If someone did return the gifts I gave, I would think he's a spiteful piece of shite. My sister's ex not only returned her gifts, but gave the children back the gifts that they'd given him too. How nasty.

4)Do you still check your phone for her texts, or IMs in Skype/Yahoo and emails (if LDR), even if you knew she isn't gonna send you one?

No

5) Pretty plain fact that the dumper always have a headstart on moving on. Does that mean there is no more hurt for you?

Yep. Did all the navel gazing while I was still in the relationship.

6) Did your ex's face, or the memories of her, or the times you have together, EVER crossed your mind? How frequent?

Not often.

7) Breaking a habit, especially if it involves her, is it bearable? Or do you often found yourself sitting during that time and missing her instead, thinking what she's doing?

Thinking about them and wondering what they are doing? You've gotta be kidding.

8) Since you're the ones who broke up (which is not typical), does it mean you fall out of love of us completely, even before break up? (i know guys who are thinking of break up often gives cold treatment to girls)

Yes, the love goes before the relationship gets ended.

9) If you broke up with her out of your anger, is there any possibility that you regret it later on? Especially if you realize you are wrong and that you have let go of someone you think you can never ever find someone like her again?

I've never regretted a breakup. And there are plenty of fish in the sea with equally good attributes

10) What if you want her back, and you've realized she moved on (and cut off any means of comm), but still thinks that she loves you, what would you normally do? give up and leave or try to win her back? (cause sometimes we girls just need to see how far will you go this time to have us back)

I would never get back with an ex.

[IndiReloaded]

1) First things that comes to your mind?

Taking care of myself. Finding calm and recentering. Breakups are hard for dumped and dumpee.

2) First thing you should do?

Be thankful for the time you had and lessons learned. See above.

3) How about the stuffs she gave to you? What will you do to them?

I would return expensive gifts or heirlooms. Not worry about small ones.

4)Do you still check your phone for her texts, or IMs in Skype/Yahoo and emails (if LDR), even if you knew she isn't gonna send you one?

For a while. Then move on. If necessary, block an email address.

5) Pretty plain fact that the dumper always have a headstart on moving on. Does that mean there is no more hurt for you?

No. This depends on the personality of the people involved.

6) Did your ex's face, or the memories of her, or the times you have together, EVER crossed your mind? How frequent?

Depends on the length of the relationship. But most would say yes.

7) Breaking a habit, especially if it involves her, is it bearable? Or do you often found yourself sitting during that time and missing her instead, thinking what she's doing?

This is why its good to get out with friends. All things are bearable, its a matter of perspective.

8) Since you're the ones who broke up (which is not typical), does it mean you fall out of love of us completely, even before break up? (i know guys who are thinking of break up often gives cold treatment to girls)

I think love is always there. Unless, as someone said, its infatuation. But love isn't enough for a good relationship.

9) If you broke up with her out of your anger, is there any possibility that you regret it later on? Especially if you realize you are wrong and that you have let go of someone you think you can never ever find someone like her again?

I would say someone who thinks what you posted here^ would certainly feel regret. But its unproductive. Some doors are one-way and can't be revisited. That's an important life lesson also.

10) What if you want her back, and you've realized she moved on (and cut off any means of comm), but still thinks that she loves you, what would you normally do? give up and leave or try to win her back? (cause sometimes we girls just need to see how far will you go this time to have us back)

I think guys trying to win back girls they dumped are pushing ropes up hills. But if one is really in love with another then I suppose you have to try, right?