Is it wrong to still have hope?

**blueberrypie_s** · 18-03-13, 02:49 PM

Sorry this is really long, but I really need help.

So I had a crush on this guy who lived a floor above in in residence. we started talking on fb and things were going really well, we would stay up everyday super late to talk to each other. I told my roommate about him, since she knows him and can give me advices. But what i didn't expect was that a couple weeks later my roommate went behind my back and asked him if he liked me. The guy told her no, and my roommate immediately started giving him advices on how to let me down gently. And the Monday after, the guy told me that he wanted to talk to me and basically rejected me saying that things won't work out, and this is when i found out about my roommates betrayal. It really broke my heart that my crush didn't like me and my roommate/good friend betrayed me.

After a couple of weeks, when we, my roommate him and his roommates, all went out for sushi one day. and when we came back i see on my facebook, the guy messaged me that he was sorry, that it was a mistake. At first i got really angry and confused, because i thought things were over and he is just rubbing salt on my scars. But we decided to meet up in person to talk. And at this talk he told me that he was sorry he rejected me, because he realized that he really did like me and that it really hurt him when i was avoiding him that night and was having fun with other people. I was really shocked by his confession, but i was really confused myself because for the last couple of weeks all i was doing is trying to forget about him. So i told him to give me a week and i'll give him my answer then. So a week later i decided to give this a shot, even though i was insecure about it. I was insecure because he never initiated any conversation either on facebook or over text, and I always felt that my roommate (the same one that betrayed me) was hitting on him, and that he might prefer her over me. But i wanted to give it a shot and trust him. So on the day when i told him about my decision, we decided to watch a movie that night, since he was leaving the next day on vacation. We watched a movie on his bed, and we kissed and cuddled. It was my first relationship, so everything was a first so i give him my first kiss as well. When i went down to my room after the "date" i went to my roommate since we were planning to watch a movie. But guess what i saw, i saw the guy messaging her on facebook asking her to go to his room for pizza. When i saw that it seemed like some one threw a stone at my heart. I went into the relationship with doubt and this basically confirmed my fear.

So the next day, i decided to skype him and told him that i saw the message and that it really bothered me. he didn't explain himself and just said asked me if i think being in a relationship with him is the best for me. It made me so angry, i made my decision to be with him, yet it seemed like he wasn't even putting an effort into it. I don't remember exactly how the conversation ended, but i know by the end it was me saying that i'll trust him.

The day after, we were skyping again, and he looked really sad and troubled. I asked him what's wrong, and he told me that he didn't want to break my heart but he feel like things won't work, and he feel that it was a mistake for him to ask me out in the first place. Once again, i was shocked since i did not see this coming at all. I tried to talk him out of it, but he said it won't work...and i guess i accepted it.

It's been 3 weeks since the "break up" and i'm still not over him, i still think about him at night. We still talk on facebook sometimes, but it is always me initiating them. I have now stopped initiating in effort to forget about him, but it has been hard. It was my first relationship, no matter how short it was, and i give him my first kiss. I keep asking myself, had i not skyped him the first time, would we still be together right now? did the relationship end because of my insecurities? And i still have hope that we might go back together again, is it wrong to have hope? and if i should stop having hope, how do i go about doing that? HELP!

**basilandthyme** · 18-03-13, 03:13 PM

It's not wrong to have hope - but it a waste of time. He's not into you and the first part of getting over this is accepting this basic fact.

Also, you're taking about this as a breakup, but I can't see that he was ever your boyfriend. And As much as you want to believe otherwise, it certainly wasn't a relationship. He was just a guy who you chatted with a bit and hung out with briefly.

Don't stress about a 'first kiss' going to him. In the grand scheme of things, a first kiss is a pretty minor thing. There are plenty of more exciting things which will happen to you yet. Actually it's taken me about 15 mins to remember who my first kiss was!

**blueberrypie_s** · 19-03-13, 02:48 AM

Thank you for your response

It really hit me that maybe he wasn't just that into me. I guess I was so hung up on him because he was the first guy that I really went after, and thought that it would have worked out. I have always been really guarded towards relationships, but i thought he would be worth it. So I had to break many of my defence mechanism and really took a huge step to go after him. I'm also scared that I would not find another guy since I am pretty introverted, but your comment really helped me. So thanks again.

**Ann S** · 20-03-13, 01:45 AM

Dear blueberrypie: I think a first kiss is HUGE! Too bad it wasn't given to you by someone who deserved you. I think you have made up a story in your mind about being in a relationship with this guy. What is a relationship? It is when two people agree to interaction with each other. It can be friendly, or romantic relationship - it still takes two to agree. You only have YOU thinking there is a relationship. Detaching from one's first kiss is very hard, but you can do it. Don't settle! This guy doesn't care for you. Wait for someone who does.

**blueberrypie_s** · 28-03-13, 01:56 PM

I am starting to get over him...but the thing is he suddenly started texting me again after 3 weeks of no contact. It's really hard for me cuz i'm still in the process of getting over him, yet he waltz back right into my life and act as if nothing has happened. Right now I'm treating him as a friend, but I know that by having him there in my life again I would still always have hope that things might work out even if they won't. Should I just ignore him? or should I tell him that I need to have more time away from him?

**michelle23** · 28-03-13, 06:16 PM

Listen even if he does ask you out again-you need to say no. Have some self-respect and dignity and pride. Its clear that he is immature and doesnt have a clue what he wants. If he cant even make up his mind whether he likes you or not-believe me he is not worth your time and you need to say to him "you had your chance-Im not interested anymore"