I want to break up

[kimhotcake]

I've been dating this guy for nine months, and he lives next door, although I sleep over at his place most nights. We are both very broke; he's unemployed and I'm a student. I buy most of the food, but until now, he's payed for one night a week when we go out for a couple beers.

A couple days ago, he said, "If you want to go out drinking, you have to pay for it." That freaked me out because my ex would always say stuff like that, and before I knew it, I was paying for everything because "I wanted it."

This new guy has always been good about sharing, but I am super hurt because of the way he said it--no discussion, no question, just a declaration that he said at a couple different times.

He also now says he doesn't want kids, even though he said he wanted them when we first started dating, and I made it clear I want them.

I'm not good with confrontation even though he's said I should tell him if anything bothers me. I come from a lot of conflict growing up. So I'm pretty hurt but I feel like I just want to break up with him before I get hurt.

Any advice?

[bearz]

Is he making any attempts to find a job? And how does he spend his money? Does he waste it on drinking? In other words, does he seem to be financially responsible or not?

What are his reasons for not wanting children? Can you accept them or not?

[ashley89]

if you guys are that broke you shouldn't be wasting your money on beer, haha. while most of the time guys do pay for dates, you shouldn't expect him to just pay for everything every time you go out. if it's getting to the point where he doesn't have enough money to pay for your beer, maybe you should find other things to do that are cheaper or just stay home and watch a movie or something. if you want to have kids in the future and he doesn't, this is a dealbreaker. it seems you aren't too happy in the relationship and it has only been 9 months, while confrontation is uncomfortable and awkward, it's better to get over this now than to drag it out and have to end it when you've been together even longer.

[no-se-nada]

He said if somethings wrong to tell him, I think you should talk. Ask why he changed his mind about kids. Why put yourself through a relationship that doesn't make you happy and you don't want the same things

[Rowen]

I would just work up the courage somehow and walk over and do it. Go to his door and knock. Don't go in. Just stand there and tell him that you've been thinking a lot lately and that you think it's best to break up. While I think it's unreasonable to expect him to pay all the time, I can see what you mean about being hesitant to pay like that. But I think the main deal breaker you should focus on is the issue with kids. If you want them and he doesn't, there's little chance of that being overturned. And you need to get yourself together to be in a place to have kids financially... They're a lifetime of responsibility. If you give him a reason while breaking up with him (which I think you should to be fair to him), I would tell him about the kids issue. I wouldn't bring up the money unless he started acting more like your ex than what you just described because he could easily turn that around as assumption which would create drama. And you don't want drama...

I hope this helps. Best of luck.

[basilandthyme]

I wouldn't confront him - I'd just rattle the cage a bit. If he can't buy you a couple of beers, stop buying his food. Tell him "if you want to eat, you have to pay for it"

See what he says

[michelle23]

Has he tried to get a job? Is he looking everyday for work? If no-why are you wasting time on a lazy tight loser?

[kimhotcake]

He's been looking, and he recently graduated university, so it's a bit tough. I just feel like he's critical of lots of things for no reason. After thinking about it for a day, I think I will break up with him for a while. It's just too much energy output for what it's worth right now. It's been a mostly happy relationship, but I feel like this money stuff can sink anything. And the kid thing is a MAJOR problem. I was willing to ignore it for a while because he's looking for work, but he brings it up like every week, so clearly he's made up his mind. Time to cut it off.

[bearz]

Looks like you are making the right decision for yourself. If you don't see any possible improvement in these areas then it's time to move on.

[michelle23]

Ya i agree if he never wants kids and u do-theres no point dragging this out any further. Look fot someone who has similar future plans to you. That issue is too big for many long term potential.

And if ur already running into all these problems so early-its a sign ur not meant for each other. No point wasting anymore time