Does this mean she is cheating?

[freshlylit]

My girlfriend and I have been together over 6 years, almost seven... and sex has been an issue since probably the second year. I haven't even had sex in 2013 and its almost April. Every time I make an effort she gives really lame excuses like "I've got to pee", then she wont go to the bathroom for over an hour, I just lie there wondering what the problem is. A few times when I have tried to get things going, she reluctantly gives me a super dry hand job, but won't let me touch her. I've always been very generous with sex and always make sure she has her pleasure before I have mine. The constant rejection is really getting to me, and each time it seems to be a longer and longer wait until she gives in. Any time I ask about it, or suggest it, the answer is always "lets have a rendezvous tomorrow." The only thing I'm good for in her eyes it seems, is doing household favors for her.

How can she refuse oral from me?
Does it mean she is hiding something from me? Has she just lost interest?

[VincenzoG91]

Maybe she has an STD that hasn't cleared up yet, which would definitely indicate some cheating going on. Or maybe she got raped and isn't ready to even talk about it yet. Or maybe she is out of shape and self-conscious about it.

Since you've been in a relationship for over 6 years, the two of you should be able to talk about this. Start that conversation sometime soon, and don't let her dodge the topic with weak excuses or another rain check.

[Boisdevie]

so you've put up with the lack of sex for four years. Are you unable as a couple to discuss and resolve problems?

[michelle23]

I would ask her for relationship counselling. If she has no interest in sex-theres something wrong. Make one big effort to fix this issue together now and if that doesnt work-you need to walk away.

4years of practically begging for sex? Im guessing this has crushed ur self esteem, you prob feel rejected, unloved and possibly even depressed. This cant go on.

Tell her you want to fix ur problems so u can both be happy again and if she cant meet u half way ull have no choice but to walk away.

Relationship counselling or sex therapy will prob help u.

[michelle23]

In the first 2years how often did ye have sex? Was she into it then? If no-this issue may never go away and u may need to accept that shes one of those women who just dont like sex. If thats the case-walk away.

U cant have a sexless relationship. Ull just get more and more miserable. Its unhealthy and destructive.

[basilandthyme]

Problems inside the bedroom can often be caused by problems outside the bedroom. What does the rest of the relationship look like? Is she happy and content?

[HeartIsAching]

It's not going to get better... it's just not. You need to move on.

[kat82]

It could just be stress...that can have a huge effect on one's sex drive. Is anything big going on in her life?

If not, it she acting strange otherwise? Does she come home super late, or do you ever feel like she is hiding something?

Maybe you just need to talk to her about it and find out if anything is wrong.

[Wakeup]

I agree with HIA. After all this time, this is who you've committed to. Why don't you ask her if you can open up your relationship if you're too scared to leave one another so that you can have other sexual partners while you remain platonic friends? Let us know what her answer is, should be interesting to see if she doesn't want to pleasure you or let you get pleasured.

[bearz]

There definitely seems to be something she doesn't want to tell you, but if you two want to keep this relationship going she has to be honest with you. Try to talk to her again, but don't make it about just sex. Make her feel comfortable and loved and share your feelings with her and hopefully she will open up to you and tell you what is going on with her.

[michelle23]

I agree with HIA. After all this time, this is who you've committed to. Why don't you ask her if you can open up your relationship if you're too scared to leave one another so that you can have other sexual partners while you remain platonic friends? Let us know what her answer is, should be interesting to see if she doesn't want to pleasure you or let you get pleasured.

two normally monogamous people in love suddenly agreeing to an open union= THE END It doesnt work unless it was agreed upon in the very beginning..

[Wakeup]

two normally monogamous people in love suddenly agreeing to an open union= THE END It doesnt work unless it was agreed upon in the very beginning..

How do you know this... have you experienced doing it from the beginning? I haven't but I've not any preconceived, pretentious assertions that it won't work either. Besides, at this point he has nothing to lose and everything to gain if she actually realizes that its gotten so bad that he's wanting to be free to pursue those that do want him sexually.

[michelle23]

How do you know this... have you experienced doing it from the beginning? I haven't but I've not any preconceived, pretentious assertions that it won't work either. Besides, at this point he has nothing to lose and everything to gain if she actually realizes that its gotten so bad that he's wanting to be free to pursue those that do want him sexually.

If he wants sex with OW-he should dump her. He didn't mention that in his post. Id be very surprised if she would agree to it and even if she did agree-it would hurt her and they would eventually break up.

The only people I can think of who do well in an open relationship-are people who believe that sex means nothing and only a % of people see it that way

Also two married people no longer in love-going through the motions and only staying together for financial reasons or for children and sleeping in seperate rooms. An open marriage would probably work in that situation too

[Wakeup]

If he wants sex with OW-he should dump her. He didn't mention that in his post. Id be very surprised if she would agree to it and even if she did agree-it would hurt her and they would eventually break up.

and you know this how?

The only people I can think of who do well in an open relationship-are people who believe that sex means nothing and only a % of people see it that way

The world does not revolve around "the people you know" although you keep inserting that particular line "the people I know" to try and prove many points."

Also two married people no longer in love-going through the motions and only staying together for financial reasons or for children and sleeping in seperate rooms. An open marriage would probably work in that situation too

What are you on about? Have you any knowledge at all about polyamourous relationships? I think you've not even read anything about them to be asserting such things. There is a whole sub-culture out there that is working it's way out of the closet just like gay people at one time were hidden and now they are getting married for krist sakes.

I'm not saying him asking her that will or will not work, I'm telling hem to suggest it. If she says no, then he should tell her then they're going to have to work together to get back on sexual track or she can't be selfish and expect him to be celebate. He didn't sign up for celebacy as much as she didn't sign up for polyamory but since she's changed the rules, she should be aware of the possible new ones.

[michelle23]

I never said anything about "people I know"- I don't know anyone in an "open relationship" You picked up what I was saying wrong.

I am aware of the culture yes but I am assuming the OP is monogamous. He didn't mention open relationships-you did.