help

[nick522]

hi can anyone help after a yet again a hudge bust up resulting in my wife going to her mums i have asked her to come home from work to have a sit down..were fighting all the time and its my jeliousy that is the cause of the fights...i found on her phone google search lots of incrimanating stuff....been mariied 2 years and together 20. i just want to save this marage but dont want to go down the loosing my temper and shouting...and througing back insults...the phone stuff was last year it was phone sex on first date how to and wanting to kiss a work mate.....she has said it was because we were at a bad place....i understand this but the jeliosy is eating me up when i have brought it up i tend to get upset and then we row about shouting ? .she goes out a lot for work and this i understand but now im looking to see what she is wearing....i never was a jelious guy in any way but am now....so how do i sit down and explane this...we are talking about divorce not a bad tiff....thanks any questions ill add,scuse spelling.

[michelle23]

Hey Nick. Sorry your in this situation. I think if you really want to save your marriage-you will need help. Get some relationship counselling. You need to learn to trust her again and your wife needs to take responsibility and understand she can never behave that way again. And then you need to work on building bridges, getting back on track and having fun together again.

Its not easy but until she really understands how out of order she was and is truly sorry-there is a risk she will behave this way again.

You need to talk it out, ask all your questions, get them answered, try to get closure and then if you can forgive her-that means you cant throw it in her face for the rest of her life. If you dont think you can stop yourself from fighting about it for the next five years-it is probably better to walk away.

I feel truly sorry for you. If it were me-I know I would never be able to get passed it so for me the only option would be divorce but maybe you can find it in your heart to forgive her with the help of counselling.

[Ann S]

Dear Nick: You can't save your marriage by yourself! And your behavior is not getting the results you want, so change it.....you can if you want to. Instead of yelling and screaming, try just listening to your wife, without any input from you. Then thank her for telling you whatever she told you. Then go take your dog, or yourself for a walk to sort out what you heard. There is no relationship intimacy (not meaning sex) in your marriage. Learning better communication skills might help you. Instead of working on your marriage, I'd work on yourself.....and honestly, when you think about it, that is all you can do anyway.