My boyfriend is signed up for online dating sites. What should I do?

[B.E.G.2336]

I've come across some troubling information that I'm not sure how to handle...my boyfriend is signed up for two free online dating/ hook up sites (but from my snooping I've found out he's only really active on one). I'm looking for advice on what to do about this because 1) I'm shocked that he even has accounts on these sites,2) I've never had this occur in any of my previous relationships and 3) because I found this out by snooping on his email account so in a way I've violated his trust too.

I'm not proud I snooped but I'd been having the feeling something was off with him and so since I know what his password generally is I logged into his e-mail to find he is signed up for a dating site and has off and on been actively messaging girls on it, even straight out asking some of them or hinting at hanging out with them sometime. I also discovered that throughout our nearly year and a half long relationship that he has had several accounts on this same site. It appears that he'll have one open for a short time, close it, then a short time later create a new account on this same site.

So what should I do? I had the idea to snoop in the first place because I started to have the feeling I couldn't completely trust him as much as I'd like to. (Turns out I was kind of right.) But since I found all of this out by snooping I'm not sure if I should try confronting him about it because he could throw me snooping back in my face.

Overall, I'm just really confused. I'm very much in love with him and lately we've been talking about moving in together, which was something he brought up first, and he's even brought up marriage and having kids together. So does he really love me and want those things or is he just keeping me around as a constant? I've tried asking how serious he is about our relationship and he responds by telling me how much he loves me and that he wants to try and build a future for us together.

I have absolutely no idea how to process, react, or handle all of this. All I do know is that I feel really stupid that this has been going on and I had no idea until recently. You would think something like this would be easy to pick up on. So any advice or comments would be great! Thank you in advance.

[bearz]

What made you not trust him in the first place? What triggered that feeling? But no matter what it was, you should tell him what you did and be honest with him. Ask him why he is on those web sites. You don't want to start hiding things from each other.

[HeartIsAching]

My boyfriend is signed up for online dating sites. What should I do?

Uh... find a new boyfriend?

[Wakeup]

Don't worry about the snooping right now, obviously your gut was telling you something so you acted on it. Don't let him turn this around on you for looking either. Thing is you do have to tell him what you found and that you know he's been active on one of them. Be prepared to leave after he gives you his bs excuse. If he's on hook-up sites then he has no respect for the monogamous dynamic in a relationship.

Let us know what he tells you.

[VincenzoG91]

This infidelity is a preview of what your marriage to him would become. Break up now and save yourself from even greater betrayal later on.

[Boisdevie]

Vince is wrong. I believe that true love will conquer all and that women can change men into being a better person.







































Just joking. He's a cunt so dump him.

[michelle23]

You found info that your bf needs attention from other women so why are you even on this website asking for advice? Why have you not dumped him? Why are you not getting on with your life trying to find yourself a man who can be faithful to you?

Even if he hasn't cheated-he definitely wants to and certainly will as soon as an opportunity comes up.

So what if you snooped. You followed your instincts and you were right. I would do the same if I thought my man was up to no good. You have every right to know if hes betraying you.

Now stop putting off the inevitable, accept its over, tell him you never want to see him again and get on with your life.

Life is too short to waste on a loser who takes you for granted. find yourself a real man and forget about this little boy!

[Rowen]

I have absolutely no idea how to process, react, or handle all of this.

That's a load of bull right there. You know damn well how to react, but you're coming to this site because you want us to tell you there's still a chance to save your relationship and get him to stop. I'm sorry if this post hurts, but I'm going to be a little blunt because I think it's what you need...

He's cheating on you by being on those sites. He's going on there with one purpose: to meet other women and cheat on you. No if's, and's, or but's about it. You said yourself, after all, that you read some of the messages that hinted towards meeting up. If he's hinting, then that means he wants to. Hell, if he's on those sites, he wants to.

Now, you have a few options here. You can just ignore it and hope he stops, confront him and hope he stops, or leave. What will it be? He obviously doesn't respect you by having those profiles, so do you really think it'll get better? Do you really think that one day he'll wake up and say to himself, "Wow, I'm being a dick to *insert your name here* and I should change this!" Do you? My guess is not even though that's what you seem to want to believe. Even if you confront him and get him to stop for a while, what makes you think he won't do it again someday if he feels he needs something on the side? What makes you think you can just go back to trusting him if you do confront him and he stops? Sure, you can say to yourself the battle is over and all is as it should be... But you can't forget this. You can't take a potion that will have magically made all of this a nightmare. In the back of your mind, you're always going to wonder if he's happy with how things are or if you're being good enough in the relationship. The damage is done, and he tainted your relationship. And the fact that he did this before has already poisoned your trust, or else you wouldn't have had the suspicion to check his email. So, my question to you is why would you want to stick around with someone who obviously doesn't care enough to consider how you feel and doesn't respect you enough to be faithful when you could go out and find a MAN (not a BOY like you're dating) who will treat you well?

You seem like a nice, intelligent woman. Do you really want to throw those excellent traits away on a guy that will walk all over you and make you feel like shit again and again? You deserve a guy who is going to take you out and make you feel like you're the only one in his heart- one that will let you know how he feels each time he looks into your eyes. Someone to protect you when you need it and to hold you when you're down and respect you enough to be faithful and always consider how you feel. Someone who will never stray when things get rough. Maybe people lately think guys like that are a myth, but he's out there. And he's waiting for someone just like you, so do you want him to be yours? Or, would you rather stick with a child who cheats?

I wish you the best of luck, and I hope this helped. Sorry if I was too blunt.

[actualgoodguy]

He might still like you, but clearly doesn't care about you if he's on a dating site...and someone who cares about you means a heck of a lot more than someone who just likes you

[Rowen]

He might still like you, but clearly doesn't care about you if he's on a dating site...and someone who cares about you means a heck of a lot more than someone who just likes you

^^ Exactly ^^

[fearoflove]

Guy is two-faced and a liar. Dump him now!

[Love'sReject]

Well, since she hasn't responded since, I am sure they are happily back together because she can like totally make him see the error of his ways.

[Wakeup]

Well, since she hasn't responded since, I am sure they are happily back together because she can like totally make him see the error of his ways.

The majority never come back. Unless you piss them off and they come back in to justify and call you a cunt for not telling them what they wanted to hear.

[Love'sReject]

Lol, good point. Still, I'd wager a trillion dollars that she went back to him: sound advice usually falls on deaf ears, save for the occasional person like me.

[Wakeup]

... good one ... lol