Does he haave a disorder or something

[Pixie01]

I knew this 25 year old guy from college and we started dating. Less than a month later I had him move in with me and my kids (we knew each other about 9 months by than). After being confronted 8 months later he fessed up that he only moved in with us because he was out of money and was going to get evicted from his place and had no way to survive without going back out home to living with his family (which is where he lived before college). That deception left me shaken. But not only this, everyday there were so many little things. The day I didn't make him toast with cheese (when he said he didn't want toast) but mine looked good and so he stopped talking to me. Or the time I didn't feeling like going to Mc Donalds at 1 am so he walked (took 2 hours) and wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I did the budgeting (he hardly had any student loans left anyway), did all the driving (he doesn't drive), bought his clothes, took him to his eye appointment and bought him glasses, took him to his friends, to the dentists, dropped him and his dog off at the vets after making the appointment myself. He didn't want to go out with us a family, but loved to go out with his friends (his best friend was 18 and so I was expected to get his cigarettes as he was underage now and than which bothered me as my oldest is a teenager). I was 12 years older than him but at 25 I expected more from him. I got tired of the lies and the emotional punishments if he didn't get what he wanted and doing all 90% of the work. One time we went to bed together and he flopped onto the bed. I needed under the covers and he refused to move because he was tired. I had to physically drag him off the bed so that I could get under the covers. These small selfish things happened on a daily basis. When I got upset (which I did lots) than he said it was my fault he did these things because I had to high of standards or because I was upset about it or didn't ask nicely. I asked him nicely to clean the dog poop for a month. I asked with kisses. I asked with hugs. I asked with pleases. Than I got mad and did it and it was gross with two dogs poop for a month. He blamed me for his not doing it because I got upset at him and didn't ask him right and that I didn't give him a chance and just did it myself. He shut me out for over a day (at least this time he didn't walk out without saying where he was going or when he would be back... which could be overnight somewhere).

Since he is not good at communicating we often communicated through text or email, since he tends to shut me out in person. When communicating he becomes very mean (calls me disgusting, or "no wonder you have been single most of your life" kinda comments or swore at me).

I kicked him out and felt happier than I had in a long time. Less than a week later he came back crying and begging me to take him back. He said that he now loves me more than anyone (before he said I was equal to his friends) and I said I would let him prove himself. He was ALOT better but still there were times I could see his selfishness. And the money thing cropped up again. I ended up giving him rides a few places, paying an unexpected bill, and giving him cigarettes because he was out of money for weeks now (and put only small efforts into finding a job). I had enough, he now owes me $3500 and said he won't pay a thing "because I treat him like scum" (which is true now, I do treat him very disrespectfully because I am so angry at him).... so it's my fault he won't pay me back or something I guess. I was at the bar last night with a girlfriend and there he is with cigarettes and buying drinks. I couldn't believe my eyes when he had zero dollars to his name only 2 days ago and now he suddenly found money and goes to the bar after I wanted to sell his tools to at least pay the interest on my Master Card and he wouldn't let me and threatened to call the police if I tried.

He once told me that he doesn't feel empathy (which explains why my attempts to share how his actions affected my feelings didn't cause any change). And one time he said that his lack of feeling things is almost psychotic. One time he also said that he is so good at manipulating people that they can't see through it. Some of the things he did to me still shock me. I am wondering if this is "just normal self centeredness" or if this is some sort of covert antisocial/narcissistic thing or is this normal selfishness....?

[michelle23]

Ur a doormat. Kick him out again and this time dont let him come back. Hes using you, has no respect for you and ya he prob does have a disorder.

[HeartIsAching]

He might - borderline personality disorder or some such... he's definitely passive-aggressive, and emotionally/mentally abusive though.

[Wakeup]

One things for sure. He's an abusive sociopath and you should actully be ashamed for bringing a man like him around your children the first time, never mind letting him back after you smartened up and kicked him out.

You may be so codependent that you can't keep a man who has zero value as a person out of your own life but for your children's own emotional health and preservation of their self-worth, get rid of him now.

[Pixie01]

He is gone. I don't blame myself for not seeing through him though. He is very good at deception and has fooled people he has know for years. He is very good at being who needs to be around people. I had no way of knowing until I lived with him and he startes showing his true colors. Even than I have found out about another side to him that I have never seen after having lived with him. He is very good at manipluation showing what he needs to show others. he was amazing to my kids and I at first amd seemed like Mr. Wonderful. If I was co-dependent I wouldn't have fought back and kicked him out. He is out of our lives now for good as I have realized that I think his words are just words and he may never be the person he says he wants to be.... And I have had enough of believing his tears remorse of remorse

[michelle23]

Well done. Stay strong and dont let him back.

Also take things slow next time. Never move in with someone after a month. Thats crazy. I think u need to be together at least 3years before taking that step when the infatuation stage is well and truly over.

[Wakeup]

He is gone. I don't blame myself for not seeing through him though. He is very good at deception and has fooled people he has know for years. He is very good at being who needs to be around people. I had no way of knowing until I lived with him and he startes showing his true colors. Even than I have found out about another side to him that I have never seen after having lived with him. He is very good at manipluation showing what he needs to show others. he was amazing to my kids and I at first amd seemed like Mr. Wonderful. If I was co-dependent I wouldn't have fought back and kicked him out. He is out of our lives now for good as I have realized that I think his words are just words and he may never be the person he says he wants to be.... And I have had enough of believing his tears remorse of remorse

Agreed, well done. At the time of my post you had said you had taken him back, hence the "codependent" label. Don't let him manipulate his way back in. You know what he's like for sure now. As Michelle has stated, don't move men into your home so soon, wait until you get to know who you're involved with, particularily when you have children.

Kudos!

[misombra]

we started dating. Less than a month later I had him move in with me and my kids


this is where it all went wrong. shouldn't have done that.

[Pixie01]

Yeah, we did move to fast. Since I knew him for 9 months and seeing him everyday at college before we dated, I guess I felt more secure with that decision than I should have. Looking back it was way to soon. I totally agree. I think I was acting on loneliness, having been a single mom without alot of adult connection in my life. In hindsight I can see that decision was not wise. Thankfully my kids seem ok with everything as he moved out and than we tried to work it out for abit after, so they saw him now and than after he moved out so they were kinda "weaned off of him" and now they seem to accept his absence very well. So despite it all, it seems to have turned out ok for them, which is my main concern. As for me, I am just glad to get my life back now and it is slowly coming on track again.