My boyfriend and escorting websites. Is it innocent?

[hp1990]

Recently my OH was cycling home from mine in the dark. He had no lights, no helmet, and was dressed all in black. It was extremely windy outside and obviously I was worried. HE promised he'd call when he got in, but he never did. I hardly slept all night, I tend to worry about stupid things anyway, so I sent him an email reminding him to call me. I also text his mum as he is staying there until we move away together in September. The next morning when I turned my laptop on and saw he was logged into his google mail, so instinctively I looked on his email to see if he had read the message I sent him. I have NEVER looked at his email before as there was never a need for it.

He has recently been very lax in applying for jobs, so I was alarmed by all the notifications of new jobs from the NHS that had been sent to him. I scrolled down, and was pretty shocked to see the website 'adultwork' in his email. Usually I would have just presumed it was something to do with his job, but my ex boyfriend was on it once and used it to have cybersex with girls (that ended badly).

I do and I don't feel bad for looking at his mail, I mean, he should've called like he promised, and he should have been applying for jobs. It effects me too! We are moving together, I can't afford to pay the rent by myself!!

So anyway, this adult work site, turns out he has been paying for access to girls profiles, girls that are in his area. That majorly rang alarm bells! He has a thing for redheads, and they all happen to be redheads. I'm mixed race and brunette so you can imagine how that makes me feel.

What should I do? I am so worried that the issue of me looking at his mail will be made to seem worse than the fact that he is on an escorting website. Is it bad I looked at his mail?

What would you do? I'm so upset that he's looking at girls in his area. Stuck here guys!

[thescaredmummy]

"I'm violating his privacy because he didn't call me."

Not sure I get the logic here.

[hp1990]

If you were worried sick your partner hadn't got home and was cycling in dangerous conditions though, and he didn't call when he got home like he promised over and over he would, would you not be worried enough to see if he'd read his mail? Anyway, the main point is the escorting thing, I don't know what to do...

[Boisdevie]

Anyway, the main point is the escorting thing, I don't know what to do...

He's clearly a cunt who places no value in you or your relationship. As soon as he find somebody better he's going to leave you. So are you going to continue taking it up the ass or are you going to be like a big grown up girly and dump him?

[srami83]

I would bring it up. I have only violated my bfs privacy (not current but ex) when I had suspicions...I will say some guys make dumb decisions...they think it's fun, it passes time along, and it's just plain entertaining. I am a little concerned that he would actually pay for this site, because that means he's not only investing his time, he's investing his money. I definitely think you should bring it up and tell him that that's unacceptable behavior. If someone cares about you, they will drop that stuff in a heartbeat as soon as they know you're aware of it. You need to do this before you move into together or it could turn into a big mess!

[VincenzoG91]

In the short term, there is probably nothing to worry about. A guy who lives with his mom and can't afford a car probably can't afford an escort, either. In the long run, this guy will probably cheat on you, because he has shown interest in the idea of paying money to have sex with strangers. By the way, have you considered changing your hair color to red?

[michelle23]

Y are you still considering moving in with him? This is a major red flag. Hes planning to cheat on you and worse hes planning to pay for it. You have all the evidence you need and hell probably give you some bs excuse saying he was only looking blah blah blah but dont believe him because even if he hasnt cheated yet-he will at some point. He has shown you that you blatantly cant trust him so end the relationship!

As for the issue of paying rent-get a flatmate

[michelle23]

Oh and if he attacks you for looking at his email tell him to go **** himself. In these situations attack is the best form of defence coz thats the only defence he has to come at you with.