how long is too long?

[mimi88]

What do i do?

I have been with my bf now for 6 months, because i have been thinking about the whole love issue, i realised that i really do love him. So last night, i said the 3 magic words to him, knowing that he might not say it back, seeing as he did tell me that he never loved before, but i did have some hopes, as we function perfectly together...(hes 26, and hes longest relationship so far was 6 months) He didn't say it back, he told me that means a lot to him, and just held me. I got a tinsy bit pissed off, as its only human if someone rejects you, not blantantly but still... He told me that he cares a lot 4 me, and that hes never been sooo relaxed with a girl before, that hes never had that before in a relationship, not having no doubts. He also told me, that it would be dishonest of him to say it right back, just for the sake of it, and that if he said it first, he wouldn't at all expect me to say it, and wouldnt regard it is as honest. He said that i mean that much more to him because i feel that way about him, but hes just not there yet. I don't know what to think, i feel let down, like im hanging on the line now, waiting for him to say it, and i know the more i wait the more im going to pull away. I really do love him and am willing to wait, but how long is too long to be put out there on the line???

[srami83]

He's being cautious and maybe in his mind saying ILY comes with a new set of responsibilities so perhaps he's afraid. You put your feelings out there for him, and now he knows. IMO, you shouldn't tell someone you love them just so you can hear it back. You said that you knew saying it meant that he might not say it back and you took that risk so now you should just own up to it. You can't force him to feel the same way as soon as you do. So if you do love him, enjoy your time together and see where it goes...if he still hasn't said ILY after a year to 1.5 years, I would start to question then...

[Rowen]

I agree that you shouldn't tell someone just to hear it back... You should tell them because that's how you feel and because you want them to know that's the level of how much you care. Think of it like the purpose of Christmas. Is the holiday meant to be about being together and giving? Or is it meant to be about drop-kicking anyone in your way and seeing how much you can get? If you say the latter, I suggest you get some priorities straight.

It works the same way with love. Love is all about being selfless and giving to your partner. Love is not selfish and does not consume with desires. It merely is a bond between two hearts that goes to the grave and beyond, whatever is out there according to your beliefs. So, in my opinion, maybe you should take a step back and reassess your feelings about all of this and your intentions. In the end, if you truly love him, you'll be patient and won't pressure him into saying it back. You'll under that it's not something you can just say back- you have to mean it, and everyone takes falling in love at their own pace. If you can't wait, then, he's not right for you, and you should find someone you actually do love.

[Lady Mary]

10 inches is too long, anything over 8 inches is long but 10 inches is way too long

[KeyKandiss13]

Ok dont be too pushy cuz your going to pressure him and make him stray away. He'll say it on his time if you really love him there is no limit to how long you wait.

[michelle23]

Id give him another month-if he doesnt say it by then-hes prob afraid of commitment or just doesnt see a future with you. Realistically if he was really into you-he would have said it by now. Most people say it in the infatuation stage-even tho infatuation is not real love but it feels great and you feel all warm and fuzzy so it makes you want to say it and most people make future plans in this stage too-talk about marriage kids etc.. Its not a promise-just a daydream and hope for the future but its kinda normal to discuss these things in the early stages when everything seems so beautiful and romantic..

If this guy is afraid of commitment and doesnt even wana daydream about those kinda future plans-ur prob wasting your time with him.

How often do you see each other? What way does he act around you? Is there any other red flags or warnings that you have noticed? Did you ask him y hes never had a serious relationship? Does he have a reputation for sleeping around? Is he/was he a player? If yes- you should run a mile

[Rowen]

10 inches is too long, anything over 8 inches is long but 10 inches is way too long

Psh. 10 is easy. haha jk

In all seriousness, though, I agree with Key. Except, if it's been 6 or more months, then maybe he isn't ready for a serious relationship.
Regardless, I stand by what I said before. The object of love is to give- not to get.

[MiMi_88]

Hes really a stand out guy, hes never had a real relationship before, because girls have mainly left him and hurt him before it got too serious.. I have considered that hes like this because hes always had girlfriends that didn't appreciate him. Hes a honest good guy, a little closed off otherwise with expressing emotion into words, (rarely do i hear any romantic stuff from him), but whenever i needed him his always been there, rarely any kind of bickering, and we hear from each other every day. We have a relationship where over the week i work in a different city, but weekends we're always together, and he always leaves his weekends free for me, even though i know his friends go out. Thats why i do honestly love him, i never felt that before, and hes friends have told me, that hes changed a lot, and talks about me. I just thought seeing as he is seemingly commited, he would feel the same way. He told me that night that he might love me, but just know, he said he knows he's head over heels, but love is a really strong word and doesn't want to just throw it around just for the reason that i said it..... i don't know, im 25, and i have been previously in a relationship of 3 yrs, where the guy said it after 3 months, but in the end it wasn't real love...But nothing compares to the way the i feel with him and the way he makes me feel. I will wait, i know hes honest with me and wouldn't be with me otherwise, but it is hard knowing hes just not where you are at the moment...

[Lissy0404]

mmm... ;/
When my boyfriend told me I love you my reaction, as a girl I guess was a happy tear, I love you back, and a hug. When my previous relationship, he said I love you. I stay quiet, freeze, and gave him a hug. I didn't have those feelings for him, so I was silence. OF course you can expect everybody is the same. He might had a lot on his mind, and several reasons to not say it.

[michelle23]

Two of my exes told me they love me and I didn't say it back. The reason I didn't say it was because I don't love them-in fact I didn't even really like them that much as a bf and could not see a future with either of them the first I was with him for 3 months when he said it, the second 5 months when he said it..

That made me realize if your not feeling it at all within a few months-something is wrong and you shouldnt waste any more time coz when you meet someone that your good with, you just click and you no its real.

[FlaCooln]

Sometimes people are not ready to hear it or say it back. I had an exGF say it to me during sex and I didn't say it back to her. But, I did talk about it with her later. She told me she did not mean to say it then, but she was feeling it. I told her it was a bit soon for me, but I felt like I was feeling the same way and to give me time. Well a few weeks later without even realizing it, we were saying goodbye after a day together and I said, "love you, see you tomorrow." We both stopped looked at each other, kissed again, and then both said I love you.

Sometimes it just takes a little time.