Looking for advice from women about reconnecting with my ex...

[speedracer75]

Hi. Recently, I've been struggling with an awkward situation with an ex-girlfriend. I could use some good advice from women about how to handle it. In college, about 15 years ago, I had a great relationship for about 2 years with a woman I loved very deeply. We had talked about marriage etc. She broke it off, because things had gotten difficult, and she was moving back home after graduation, but she then tried to come back after a few months. We tried to work it out, but ultimately we couldn't and she shut me out entirely, no communication at all. I basically lost the woman I wanted to be with, and struggled for a couple years, then moved on. I believed she didn't ever want to speak to me again.

About 8 years later, I received a letter from her, explaining how terrible she felt about shutting me out and ending out relationship. She told me how much she's missed me and how much she's always admired me and that I've been this incredible influence in her life, and that she had trouble letting me go. She told she would always love me but left no return address or a way of getting in contact. The letter came from Swtizerland, we were together in California. I assumed because there was no contact that she didn't want a response, but that she was moving on and had found a husband or something and just needed to get it off her chest to let me go. I realized though that I still loved her, but that I should give her her space, and I just let it go.

Recently, another 8 years later, I came to a very powerful moment of self awareness about alot of things of my life and of my past. I realized that at the core of everything, that I had never really let her go and that I still loved her. I'm 38 eight now, and she is 35. I realized that I wanted to contact her to ask her for an address so that I could respond to her letter, to assure her that I never resented her and that I still cared about her very deeply. I also wanted to show myself that she had truly moved on and that there was no chance we could be together again, I assumed she'd have a family. I thought then I could let her go for real. So, I wrote a response letter.

I found her on facebook, and wrote her a note and friend request. The note just said hi and that I'd like to hear from her. She didn't respond for 3 weeks. Then, I got a very sweet note saying hello and asking me about my life. So I wrote her back answering her questions and I asked her how she'd been and if she had a family. There was no sign of love on her facebook profile at all. We ended up chatting on facebook real-time. And we started talking about what we'd been up to and she immediately began telling me that a couple years ago she had gotten pregnant by her husband and her baby was born prematurely and died two days later. Her husband left her immediately after, he then tried to get her back, but she couldn't trust him anymore. She said she believed her son was an angel who came to break them up, because he wasn't right for her. She had been with him for 12 years, which means she sent her letter to me in the middle of their relationship. She then began to say all of the things from her letter, about how hard it was to let me go, etc. So I asked about the letter, and she said that she was still not over me when she sent it. So I showed her my response letter, and she broke down crying for about 10 minutes. We told each other how much we missed one another and good it felt to reconnect. We're friends now on facebook, but I don't know how to deal with it. I still have very strong feelings for her, and now I'm faced with this situation that we're reconnected, and she has been so kind, but She's all the way over there, and I can't tell if she still has feeling for me, or if we're just on good terms. It's driving me crazy, because I want to tell her that I still love her, and that I think she's become a wonderful human being, but I don't want her to feel pressured by me after everything she has had to go through. I care about her so much, and I feel silly even suggesting that I still adore her after all of these years, I don't even really know her anymore . I've always wanted us to be together, but I'm terrified what she might say. I never thought I would ever be faced with this opportunity. I'd really like a woman's input and advice. Thank you.

[smackie9]

Just get to know her all over again. Then when some time has passed tell her you would be interested in revisiting the idea of trying a relationship again. If she says no then you won't have to waste your time anymore with her.

I have a question.....why are you 38 and single? You have issues with having a proper relationship with women? What issues did you have with your ex that she wanted out?

[speedracer75]

Thank you. I only happen to be single at the moment. I've been involved with women in a healthy normal way. The reason she left is because when she tried to come back, she began lying about another man she had been seeing while away from me, and I had really deep rooted issues with being lied to from a past relationship and I dumped her, then tried to fix it. She basically felt that things were too screwed up and the trust was gone. We were both very sexually involved and couldn't remain in contact with out us seducing each other. It was easier for her to move on and not deal with the complications and distance.