Just a doubt

[Valixy]

I am quite new to online dating and I've recently met a nice guy. We've chatted twice and he has been pretty upfront on his situation. He is single and has been working for the last three years in Africa. He is an interesting person to talk to, mannered and respecful. The second time we talked, he told me that he was leaving the next day for a three weeks holiday to his country, something that in his work occurs once every six months. I thought this was fantastic knowing that he had been away for so long. Then he said something that confused me: 'please don't forget about me in these three weeks'. I 'smiled' then but I thought that for sure he would send me a quick note in these three weeks, especially over Easter. I wouldn't expect someone who just met me, even if we felt we had a connection to dedicate me too much time while he's at home for only three weeks after six months of being away. For sure he would want to dedicate his time to family, friends, sorting things but I think that not contacting me at all, like sending me a quick hello email would be rude. He also said, you can email me at any time, I will reply, and I told him the same thing with different words. Thing is that he initiated our first chat, I initiated the second one and I think it's him who should make a quick contact again while he's on holiday. It's been a week since then and I don't mind it, I mean one would expect that the first days at home would be his busiest, but I really think that no contact at all in these three weeks, would be simply rude, unless of course his circumstances at home would be terribly complicated suddenly. Of course I don't really know him yet but I have no reason to believe he would be lying about anything. There have been no red flags yet and I suppose, it's just the simple gesture, that I would consider polite and right in these circumstances that bothers me. Am I right about this?

I know this is just a doubt I have and cannot compare to some of the situations I've read about on this forum and need advice, but I would appreciate any comments. Thank you!

[smackie9]

Stop desperately clinging onto the first guy that shows you interest over the internet. Get a grip you are not in a relationship. You need to keep yourself available something more than this. Keep looking and actually go out on dates with others. If you don't stop this all you are going to do is drive yourself crazy and hurt yourself over something stupid as this.

[michelle23]

Where do you live? If its not anywhere near Africa-then forget it. Its a waste of time. Meet local men that live within 60miles so you can stop wasting time.

[Rowen]

I agree with the first two. But if you're hell bent on a LDR, I would still talk to other guys. Enjoy being single, healthy, and alive. You haven't made promises to anyone yet, so what have you got to lose by seeing what's out there?

[Valixy]

Thank you all. This is not a LDR, of course, it's just the beginning of a possible friendship. For some reason I just think that people should behave online the way they would do it in real life. I live in Spain, he is from South Africa and since we seemed to connect so well in our first two chats and we're both adults, a nice quick email over Easter would be just polite. It's just a small gesture and I am not trying to exagerate its importance but small gestures count when two people have just met. He could very well think the same way, and send a quick note in the following days, or not. I suppose when meeting people from another countries, besides one's personal attitude, cultural factors should also be considered. So I'll just forget about this and start enjoying the Easter week! Happy Easter

[michelle23]

Your expectations are too high. Online dating doesn't work that way. Look for people that live near you that you can actually go on a date with and forget all the rest. You need to sift through a lot of garbage and learn to discard or ignore anyone who you realistically know you can not have a real relationship with.

Try not to get too "hung up" on anyone. You should see it as an interview process. Talk to ten different people at once and decide which ones you want to go on a date with. If you want any luck-that is the way to go. People lie a lot on the net so be careful and if you are meeting someone make sure its a public place and dont go anywhere alone with him. Dont even get a cab together.

[Valixy]

Thanks, Michele

[bearz]

The fact that you came to this forum and asked about your situation shows that you definitely want more than just a friendship, am I right? I agree with you that he should be at least sending you a short email at some point while he's gone, especially since you just met and that you should be on his mind. However, he might see things completely differently. Don't worry about it too much, I know that's easier said than done. But you don't want to get hung up on this since there really isn't anything yet. You've had a couple of nice chats with someone online, that's about it. So keep meeting other people, preferably closer to you.

[Valixy]

It's good to also have guys' opinions on this aspect that bothered me a little bit and I appreciate your comments, bearz. Good insight too

[Sirana]

My honest and friendly advice to you is: run as fast as you can from online long ditance dating or whatever this is! it will only cause you headaches. yes, it's fun at start, it's frendship. then you meet a guy one day and here comes the trouble. only a few long distance things work out!
just enjoy your time in real world!

[Valixy]

Yes, I agree, Sirana, many online relationships sound complicated

[Mishell0279]

If there is one thing in life that I have learned it's to listen to what your doubts and instincts tell you. If you have something within you causing doubts or telling you to move on then you probably should move on.

[Valixy]

Good reminding, Mishell, intuition is priceless