Storybook Ending, or back to player ways?

[GreywolfTornado]

This is going to be a VERY long-winded story, but I need an unbiased opinion. Entering into college, I was living like you can imagine a single college football player would. I was sleeping around, feelings for girls were non-existent outside of the “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am, now leave my apartment.” And for a few years I would date but never take anyone too seriously. But then came along one girl that changed everything for me. I had never really taken girls seriously relationship-wise, but she was the woman of my dreams! The moment I met her I was telling my friends that I wanted to marry her.
Her back-story includes a long abusive relationship that she had to “escape” out of, in a hostage-esque manner. It was public and horrific with members of her family and church, so naturally any guy after that is going to be put under a microscope. I knew all of this going in, and I was more than willing to work for everyone’s trust. So I was attending her church, hanging out with her family all the time, meeting all of these random relatives of hers, and everything was cool. The biggest thing for her was being the first guy that she, her mom, or her sister had brought over to the grandmother, who she liked! Huge victory for me.
Where the tension set in was when she had told her mother that me and her were… How do I clean this up…..? “No pants-dancing.” Which set off all types of alarms in her mother’s head. Her mom, who already did not have a good view of men because of her failed first marriage, and her current marriage in which she was not happy in, had started regularly raining down on our happy parade. The rest of her immediate family, all of her relatives I have met, her friends, and members of her church all liked me, but her mom had turned against me and had started comparing, twisting, and stretching every personality trait of mine to he former and current husband, obviously negatively. After dealing with her past abusive relationship, thus adding extra pressure for her to be perfect especially now that she lives back in her parents’ house, this had worn on her dramatically. She would regularly tell me that she wishes that we both were graduated from college so that we could get married and she wouldn’t have to deal with that mess, or that she wishes her family life was like mine. But, with her mom’s persistence we had broken up more than once due to that issue, but reconnected almost immediately with her apologizing.
A little down the road I left that city to play football at a different college and we were doing the long distance thing. The issue was that I had originally planned on visiting her on the weekends because it was only a 5 hour drive, but my car was broken down with a LONG timetable of repair. So we continued Skyping for hours every night and even falling asleep together on Skype. But after being together for 2 and a half years she had broken up with me for the same issues as before. The worse part was that I had finally gotten a car and was 3 days away from visiting her for the first time since I moved. I had made the drive anyways, 60% to see her still and 40% to visit my best friend who was still living there. When I called her to tell her I was coming she still sounded SUPER excited to see me over the phone, but an hour later she was telling me not to come, and then her mother called my phone also telling me not to come.
Today, it has been a year since we had broken up. Over the last year me and her had started speaking every 4 months for about a 2 weeks span, then fade away, that was our pattern. First time we picked up conversations, she had told me about a very short-lived rebound relationship, and would tell me things like her regret for even doing it. They had sex once in their two-month relationship and it was horrible and wants me. And that she still loved me. We talked for a few weeks then kind of drifted, seeing as we are still in two different states. Second time around we were talking everyday, all through the day as if things were back to normal for us, but again we faded away from conversations. Third time around it was the same thing, PLUS she had told me that she had FINALLY told her mother to fall back and let her live her life, because she had no reason to think negatively of me at all and there was absolutely nothing wrong in our relationship with each other. But just like the previous times, we drifted apart from conversation.
Throughout this whole time, I have deleted her and her whole family off of my Facebook page, but her siblings had reconnected with me still, because I was like an older brother to them, and she has added me again herself. I can’t decipher whether my feelings are still genuine, have turned into infatuation, or the re-opening of conversations had also re-opened the wounds of my heart being shattered from our break-up. I have tried dating other girls but have come nowhere close to the connection I had initially felt for her, which is not a fair comparison, and I had also tried going back to my “man-whorish” ways, but realized that was not a good path to continue. (Right after we had ended, I ended up having a threesome, and had turned them down for a round 2 to drive up to see her again.) No amount of “strange” seems to make my mind steer away from the feelings I still have for her, and no other woman who I have gone out with seems to compare.
As of today I see that she has started a new relationship. And knowing how she is and seeing him online try so hard to be “lovey-dovey,” she seems to only have one foot in the door. And on top of that he is all the way around a HUGE downgrade. Not to be a biased bitter jerk, but if she was dating Adrian Peterson, I would acknowledge the GIANT upgrade lol. But he is scrawny, unattractive, younger than the both of us, not in college or even looking to get in, etc. I had shot her a message, because I had planned on taking a road trip over spring break, and asked if she’d like to see me and she seemed thrilled still, even with the new guy and had sent another message saying, “I wouldn't have a problem visiting with you--at all. So you swing through, we can hang or something!” I wasn’t able to take my road trip because things had come up here at home.
I have said all of this to say…. My semester is coming to an end, and she is graduating 2 months from now, while I finish 9 months from now. I will be able to take a road trip in a few weeks. Am I crazy to want to re-connect with her over my trip, and have the happy, storybook ending? Or the fact that we had broken up 4 times over something STUPID means that I should put more effort into forgetting about her and move on?

[michelle23]

The question going around in my head is "can a leopard change its spots?" Why did you treat women so badly in the past? Have you grown up? Can you be trusted in a relationship?

[ashley89]

what's up with the ridic font lol

[HeartIsAching]

The question going around in my head is "can a leopard change its spots?" Why did you treat women so badly in the past? Have you grown up? Can you be trusted in a relationship?

What spots? He went a little nuts after they broke up, and decided that he didn't like it.

OP: The problem I see here is that she keeps pulling you in and then pushing you away. Frankly to me she sounds as if she likes the attention, and when it starts to get too intense, she reduces it... in a while she starts feeling insecure and unloved, and reels you back in. Am I wrong?

I'd just leave it if I were you.

[michelle23]

No he was like that way before he met her

[pcmaster]

This is going to be a VERY long-winded story, but I need an unbiased opinion. Entering into college, I was living like you can imagine a single college football player would. I was sleeping around, feelings for girls were non-existent outside of the “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am, now leave my apartment.” And for a few years I would date but never take anyone too seriously. But then came along one girl that changed everything for me. I had never really taken girls seriously relationship-wise, but she was the woman of my dreams! The moment I met her I was telling my friends that I wanted to marry her.
Her back-story includes a long abusive relationship that she had to “escape” out of, in a hostage-esque manner. It was public and horrific with members of her family and church, so naturally any guy after that is going to be put under a microscope. I knew all of this going in, and I was more than willing to work for everyone’s trust. So I was attending her church, hanging out with her family all the time, meeting all of these random relatives of hers, and everything was cool. The biggest thing for her was being the first guy that she, her mom, or her sister had brought over to the grandmother, who she liked! Huge victory for me.
Where the tension set in was when she had told her mother that me and her were… How do I clean this up…..? “No pants-dancing.” Which set off all types of alarms in her mother’s head. Her mom, who already did not have a good view of men because of her failed first marriage, and her current marriage in which she was not happy in, had started regularly raining down on our happy parade. The rest of her immediate family, all of her relatives I have met, her friends, and members of her church all liked me, but her mom had turned against me and had started comparing, twisting, and stretching every personality trait of mine to he former and current husband, obviously negatively. After dealing with her past abusive relationship, thus adding extra pressure for her to be perfect especially now that she lives back in her parents’ house, this had worn on her dramatically. She would regularly tell me that she wishes that we both were graduated from college so that we could get married and she wouldn’t have to deal with that mess, or that she wishes her family life was like mine. But, with her mom’s persistence we had broken up more than once due to that issue, but reconnected almost immediately with her apologizing.
A little down the road I left that city to play football at a different college and we were doing the long distance thing. The issue was that I had originally planned on visiting her on the weekends because it was only a 5 hour drive, but my car was broken down with a LONG timetable of repair. So we continued Skyping for hours every night and even falling asleep together on Skype. But after being together for 2 and a half years she had broken up with me for the same issues as before. The worse part was that I had finally gotten a car and was 3 days away from visiting her for the first time since I moved. I had made the drive anyways, 60% to see her still and 40% to visit my best friend who was still living there. When I called her to tell her I was coming she still sounded SUPER excited to see me over the phone, but an hour later she was telling me not to come, and then her mother called my phone also telling me not to come.
Today, it has been a year since we had broken up. Over the last year me and her had started speaking every 4 months for about a 2 weeks span, then fade away, that was our pattern. First time we picked up conversations, she had told me about a very short-lived rebound relationship, and would tell me things like her regret for even doing it. They had sex once in their two-month relationship and it was horrible and wants me. And that she still loved me. We talked for a few weeks then kind of drifted, seeing as we are still in two different states. Second time around we were talking everyday, all through the day as if things were back to normal for us, but again we faded away from conversations. Third time around it was the same thing, PLUS she had told me that she had FINALLY told her mother to fall back and let her live her life, because she had no reason to think negatively of me at all and there was absolutely nothing wrong in our relationship with each other. But just like the previous times, we drifted apart from conversation.
Throughout this whole time, I have deleted her and her whole family off of my Facebook page, but her siblings had reconnected with me still, because I was like an older brother to them, and she has added me again herself. I can’t decipher whether my feelings are still genuine, have turned into infatuation, or the re-opening of conversations had also re-opened the wounds of my heart being shattered from our break-up. I have tried dating other girls but have come nowhere close to the connection I had initially felt for her, which is not a fair comparison, and I had also tried going back to my “man-whorish” ways, but realized that was not a good path to continue. (Right after we had ended, I ended up having a threesome, and had turned them down for a round 2 to drive up to see her again.) No amount of “strange” seems to make my mind steer away from the feelings I still have for her, and no other woman who I have gone out with seems to compare.
As of today I see that she has started a new relationship. And knowing how she is and seeing him online try so hard to be “lovey-dovey,” she seems to only have one foot in the door. And on top of that he is all the way around a HUGE downgrade. Not to be a biased bitter jerk, but if she was dating Adrian Peterson, I would acknowledge the GIANT upgrade lol. But he is scrawny, unattractive, younger than the both of us, not in college or even looking to get in, etc. I had shot her a message, because I had planned on taking a road trip over spring break, and asked if she’d like to see me and she seemed thrilled still, even with the new guy and had sent another message saying, “I wouldn't have a problem visiting with you--at all. So you swing through, we can hang or something!” I wasn’t able to take my road trip because things had come up here at home.
I have said all of this to say…. My semester is coming to an end, and she is graduating 2 months from now, while I finish 9 months from now. I will be able to take a road trip in a few weeks. Am I crazy to want to re-connect with her over my trip, and have the happy, storybook ending? Or the fact that we had broken up 4 times over something STUPID means that I should put more effort into forgetting about her and move on?

I like this font size better.

[GreywolfTornado]

The question going around in my head is "can a leopard change its spots?" Why did you treat women so badly in the past? Have you grown up? Can you be trusted in a relationship?

Of course I've changed. I don't think I would post on something like this if I were the same. I was that way until I met her, then when we were done I tried going back to that but I didn't like that anymore. Plus, I have NEVER cheated on a girlfriend. I respect marriages and relationships too much. Even when I was "out there," I was living on military bases with my family and would turn down EVERY married wife with a deployed husband... Because that's not cool.

[GreywolfTornado]

What spots? He went a little nuts after they broke up, and decided that he didn't like it.

OP: The problem I see here is that she keeps pulling you in and then pushing you away. Frankly to me she sounds as if she likes the attention, and when it starts to get too intense, she reduces it... in a while she starts feeling insecure and unloved, and reels you back in. Am I wrong?

I'd just leave it if I were you.

I don't think you're wrong. My best friend had said the same thing. But, I don't know. Maybe I just want to believe that she's being genuine. Kind of like a guy who think the sun shines off of his crush's ass lol.

[HeartIsAching]

The sun does shine out of my wife's ass. Deal.

[GreywolfTornado]

The sun does shine out of my wife's ass. Deal.

Ha! Good deal. But this is rough man. My friends have compared me for years to Barney off of "How I Met Your Mother." There's got to be something to this, or something wrong with me because feelings are still strong after a year apart and I can't count how many phone numbers and dates I've had since then. How or why am I still stuck? Is it that I just haven't come across a quality woman yet? What is wrong with me and what do I do?!

[HeartIsAching]

Maybe it's not what's wrong with you, but what's wrong with where you're looking for her...

Or maybe what you're attracted to isn't whats healthy for you.

[Love'sReject]

I was sleeping around, feelings for girls were non-existent outside of the “Wham, bam, thank you ma’am, now leave my apartment.” And for a few years I would date but never take anyone too seriously. But then came along one girl that changed everything for me. I had never really taken girls seriously relationship-wise, but she was the woman of my dreams! The moment I met her I was telling my friends that I wanted to marry her.

Aw, bro...c'mon now. Why'd you go all soft? Shiiit, you had it all..I'd give a testicle to have what you had and you done allowed feelings to **** it up.

[Boisdevie]

The question going around in my head is "can a leopard change its spots?"

I have two questions going round in my head. First question: why the stupid big font? Second question: am I going to read all that?
I have some answers. Answer 1: clearly the poster is a bit dim. Answer 2: no way. I have important stuff to do: clip my toenails, rearrange my coffee mug collection......

[Love'sReject]

Either a troll or has eye issues..

[michelle23]

Look up NPD and see do you have it.