Why Do My Boyfriends Cheat on me?

[bearz]

I agree with Wakeup. You had warning signs each time and you chose to ignore them. In the future, make sure you get to know the guys better before you start anything with them and as soon as something seems off, hold up and think about it.

[michelle23]

Ya i agree with WU on what she said. When i said its not your fault-that was before i knew you went after him while he was taken.

You do need to change OP. If a man cheats or shows you that he has a desire to cheat by being on dating sates and you choose to forgive him and stay-that makes you a doormat so in that case it is your fault and you cant act all shocked when he does it again. And also if he cheats wit h you-hes shown you what hes capable of so you should no better.

In any other circumstance-it is not your fault unless you have been beating him every day and hes afraid of you and needs help to et away from you

[angel99]

To be honest I have never cheated on anyone. I definitely didn't with him. The only reason we didn't get together sooner was because I did not want to break up a relationship. I guess from my point of view not everything is that clear cut. There was no emotional affair and we only saw each other at work. I never meant to fall in love with him.

He was my first boyfriend and I was very stupid for taking him back.

With the second guy I just thought that he was sorry. Inm not perfect either abd everyone makes mistakes. I was hoping he would change though.

I do think I'm partly to blame, because there is clearly a partern developing here. For the record though there was never any cheating when i got together with my first boyfriend.
Thanks for the advice!

[Wakeup]

To be honest I have never cheated on anyone.

Yes you have. You've cheated yourself hugely in both of your previous relationships.

I definitely didn't with him.

You may not have ****ed him but you were definately having an emotional affair with him. You should have backed off the minute you knew he had a gf. Infact, if you loved yourself and had a good sense of self-worth, you would have told him that half of what he said to you and did with you (innocent or not) was not appropriate when he had a gf to leave work and go home to.

The only reason we didn't get together sooner was because I did not want to break up a relationship.

You're so blinde to things. You were already cheating if the only thing that kept you apart was her. You broke up a relationship because of the emotional affair, the flirting and the propositions and sexual energy. You should have seen that he was being disrespectful to his gf and realized what kind of man he was and told him to fk off and leave you alone, nevermind just keeping the interaction going while you patiently waited.

I guess from my point of view not everything is that clear cut.

That would be another problem then. When it comes to choosing partners that won't cheat on you then there has to be some boundaries and clear cuttedness in order for you to choose wisely. You've chose poorly thus far and you will continue to do so until you wisen up, form some of your own personal boundaries (regarding interactions with already taken men and respect you expect for yourself) and learn from your mistakes instead of continuing to try and justify your actions.

There was no emotional affair and we only saw each other at work. I never meant to fall in love with him.

and that is the very reason why you DON'T get so friendly with guys who are already taken, because YOU never mean to fall in love with them but you do the deeds that make you do just that. You need to change that up and stop interacting with married or otherwise taken dudes. How can you say there was no emotional affair and then turn around and say you didn't mean to fall in love with him. If falling in love isn't an emotional affair then what pray tell is it?

With the second guy I just thought that he was sorry. Inm not perfect either abd everyone makes mistakes. I was hoping he would change though.

With the record you've had so far, you would think that red flags would be more of a heeding to you. You don't have the self-esteem to tell a guy who has betrayed you in that manner to go fk a tree and get out of your face. That is something else you need to change up stop thinking a chearter will ever change without some kind of therapy or this will keep happening to you.

I do think I'm partly to blame, because there is clearly a partern developing here. For the record though there was never any cheating when i got together with my first boyfriend.

I'm glad you agree there is a pattern. Now you have to accept that the common denominator is you. You can change the pattern as soon as you get enough respect for yourself, enough confidence that you don't need to be with men that are already in a relationship or men that want to keep looking as well as the sense to say goodbye as soon as you see the pattern developing.

I'm abrupt but I hope you see you change your M.O up. You don't need anymore men in your life like these two. Try someone who isn't a bad-ass next time.

[angel99]

You're right. I've made some pretty appealing choices. I thought that because I told him to back off I was doing the right thing. I clearly should have just avoided him from then on. I left the second guy for six months after I saw that stuff. I have no idea why I went back. I'm stupid for ever believing his lies.

When it's all said like this I look pretty weak willed. But I an quite a strong person and called it a day with both of them when I realised the truth and that I was unhappy.

In spite of both them asking me to go back to them I knew it wasn't right and still remain single.

I do respect myself. I just had no idea where I was going wrong. I think a good while being single will help me break my ridiculous cycle of mistakes. Thanks for the advice!

[angel99]

Appalling even!!!

[michelle23]

One more piece of advice OP. People don't "change" unless they really want to and they are never going to change for you so stop hoping. The next time a guy treats you badly-walk away-no second chances and remember he wont change.

But hopefully you will learn from the past and learn how to spot the warning signs and red flags and the next time you meet someone you wont need to hope hell change coz hell treat you right.

You need to be more fussy too OP. Dont settle for the next bloke who pays you a little attention. Figure out what you want in a man and wait until you find him

[angel99]

Believe it or not but I am pretty fussy! That's why I've only had two relationships and I'm 29! I've dated quote a few guys but only ever been interested enough in those two. And I never just go for anyway who pays me attention.

I have guys ask me out quite a lot and very rarely take them up on it.

It's just bad choices I think. Thanks for the advice

[angel99]

Believe it or not but I am pretty fussy! That's why I've only had two relationships and I'm 29! I've dated quote a few guys but only ever been interested enough in those two. And I never just go for anyway who pays me attention.

I have guys ask me out quite a lot and very rarely take them up on it.

It's just bad choices I think. Thanks for the advice

[Wakeup]

Believe it or not but I am pretty fussy!

That's your problem. You're attracted to assholes. You should seriously work on your self esteem so that assholes are perceived by you as just that. Currently and obviously, the only chemistry you seem to understand is with men who are unable to be monogamous. That's on you. and saying you're "pretty picky" is no excuse to continue on only liking men who can't give you stability

I have guys ask me out quite a lot and very rarely take them up on it.

Maybe you ought to try one of them and don't stop just because you don't have that (ill ending) instant chemistry that is no good for you and keeps you picking said assholes.

It's just bad choices I think.

Indeed!

[angel99]

Haha. Indeed! Onwards and upwards! No more bad choices for me. Right now though I'm dedicating my time to friends only. Many holidays planned this year. Here's to 2013. Thanks for helping me get my head around this. I feel so much better now I have a bit of perspective!