Why Do My Boyfriends Cheat on me?

[angel99]

I've only had two long term relationships. Both boyfriends cheated on me numerous times and were on online dating sites. Both of them said they made mistakes and tried to get me back.

I'm slim, I'm independent and I'm fairly attractive.

Is there something wrong with me?!

The way they cheated to was horrible. With anyone and they literally threw their self at lots of different women.

I feel pretty bad about myself at the moment. I'm not naive enough to believe that I had no part to play on all of this.

[bearz]

Without more information it's hard to tell. Tell us about those two relationships, the good things and the bad.

[FlaCooln]

Maybe it was just to assholes and you chose to be with the wrong men. Now if you were being mean, selfish, or with holding sex or something along those lines then that would be a problem. Otherwise, they were just two horrible boyfriends.

But, more information would allow us to give you better advice (like bearz said).

[angel99]

My first boyfriend chased me for a long time. We worked together and he had a girlfriend. I told him I wasn't interested because of that and we became really good friends. We fell in love but nothing happened and neither of us spoke about it until he left his girlfriend. Everything was great until three months later when he left me abd told me he didn't love me anymore. I was heartbroken. Four months later he chased me again and eventually admitted he had gone back to his girlfriend. I was so angry I told him that I didn't want to be with him but eventually I said we could give it a go when he left her. He then started cheating when we rowed and it followed that pattern until I called it a day. Years later he came back into my life abd told me he still loved me. Yet he has another girlfriend. I told him where to go!

[michelle23]

Its never your fault if someone is cheating on you. They have issues-your only fault is having bad taste in men.

[michelle23]

Here is something I posted before. It may help you

Some men are narcissists: they have no empathy for your feelings, they dont understand or care about the emotional turmoil they inflict on their partner. They will cheat repeatedly no matter how perfect you are. Narcissists have a very fragile ego and they see a new conquest as an ego boost. It also gives them a sense of power if the target is difficult to achieve (the trill of the chase) they may also use cheating as a way to punish their partner for percieved wrongs. Look up narcisicm and cheating

some men are insecure and they feel like their not good enough to get the type of woman they really want so they settle for second best and wait for something better to come along. They always think the grass is greener and are never happy with what they have. If they do manage to get their perfect woman-it just makes them even more insecure coz they are convinced they are not good enough for you, they think youll hurt them, cheat on them or leave them for someone else so they do it first to hurt you first, they may also do it to boost their ego, to feel more attractive, to look good to others etc

some men are emotionally immature. The use cheating as a way to escape from reality. Instead of trying to solve the problems in your relationship, they take the easy way out or escape for awhile. They cant handle reality, real life, real relationships, real responsibility. They could be the perfect partner when everything is good between u but then bail as soon as things get tough.

Some men lack the inner strenght necessary for a real relationship. They are weak. Again when everythings good they are great but they wilk hurt you during a rough patch coz they cant handle it.

Some men cheat as a way out of an unhappy relationship coz they dont have the balls to end it with dignity.

Some men are sex addicts.

If a man cheats on you-its not ur fault. He has issues-not you and you should just dump him and find yourself a better man. Someone who is confident, inner strenght, emotional maturity, integtity and emotuonal intelligence

[angel99]

My second relationship was just after this. I wanted to take it slowly so that I wasn't rushing. After a year I called it a day when he left his online dating profile on his pc. After him. Fading me for an age I gave it another go with him when he swore he hadn't cheated. Turns out he was sleeping with one girl regularly as well as some pretty awful things. He got oral sex from his flatmate abd he had a threesome with a man in his 49s abd a 17 year old girl who was so drunk she was asking people for sex. She had a bit of a reputation anyway but she was just a drink teenager.

[angel99]

That's really nice.

Thank you. My first boyfriend was the love of my life but I walked away from him because I felt I deserved better. After my second disaster it feels like I never will!

[angel99]

Sorry for the spelling- in on my iphone! Autocorrect does some strange things...

[HeartIsAching]

We fell in love but nothing happened and neither of us spoke about it until he left his girlfriend.

This is why. You got with a guy that had already demonstrated his willingness to cheat.

[angel99]

I guess that's true. I have dreadful taste in men. I always look for the best in people and think they will be totally honest with me, the way I am with them. I think a few years of being single is very much on the cards!

[michelle23]

That answers your question ^^^ change your type-change you. Stop seeing the good in everyone. Some people are bad and you need to wise up and learn to spot the red flags and warning signs early. Avoid men who are 1/. in a relationship. 2/. sleeping around. If they will cheat with you-they will cheat on you and if they have been sleeping around for ages-why would they change for you?

leapords dont change their spots darling. Its rare!

Also the next time you catch a guy on a dating website-that should be enough to walk away. Just coz he hasnt actually physically cheated (yet) doesnt mean he wasnt planning too.

You need to learn to spot all the signs, learn which men to stay away from, be cautious and wary and protect your heart

[Rowen]

I agree that it's just the guys you choose. All you can do is learn from these experiences and recognize the signs that were in those two relationships. If you can recognize these same signs in the future, you'll know who you shouldn't be with and who you should.

In the end, you'll find the love you deserve. Just keep your chin up for now, okay?

[Wakeup]

Its never your fault if someone is cheating on you. They have issues-your only fault is having bad taste in men.

No offence michelle and no need to justify. Just sayin:

That is complete bs IMO. OP clearly has made some very stupid choices in her life by picking men who are clearly not able to be monogamous. In the first case she helped a guy to cheat by continuing to be his "friend" when she was clearly having an emotional affair with him while she knew he had a girlfriend and there by failing to see that if he could do it with her, then he would do it on her. That is her fault. She chose a man who she knew didn't have any personal boundaries and was dumb enough to take back a guy that had told her he no longer loved her and then proceeded to go back to the woman he left to be with her. *wowzer*

The second relationship she chose to stay with a man that clearly was still activiely looking to increase his options.

BOTH relationships she was naive and without common sense and chose to stay with both men when she knew that they were untrustworthy and thereby putting her own emotional health on the line.

OP: It's not your fault if they cheat when they have in the past given you zero indication that being a cheater is in their makeup nor is it your fault if you haven't been filling their needs but they've been too stupid to have a meaningful discussion with you in order to remedy what's missing. However: It is your fault when you volunteer to be with proven assholes and fail to leave when it's proven.

Telling you it's not your fault when you have a pattern of not looking out for your own best interests is just enabling you to continue doing the same thing but expecting different results which is the definition of insanity.

[Wakeup]

Said without malice. Do get some help for your own sake so that you fix your picker. What you've fallen into is indeed your fault. These men showed you who they were and you had so little regard for your own emotional health that you let it go on anyway. That's on you, not them. They are who they are but you wonder why they cheat on you. You need to understand that you can't change the essence of who they are so, you have to change the type of man you're attracted to.