Boyfriend doesn't want to come to my friend's wedding with me...

[ponygirl]

A lot of my friends are getting married these days. I am 27 and my boyfriend is 26...none of his friends are married or getting married any time in the near future. I'm not trying to sound pretentious in this post because it's mainly about me wanting my bf to accompany me and him wearing decent clothes...I've been biting my tongue this week about this and I need to vent!

I brought him to two of my friends weddings last year...the problem with weddings, I feel, is that I'd rather go with him than to go alone but I don't want to skip out on a good friend's wedding just because he won't accompany me. I do realize that I am selfish in this situation...it's not really all that fair to him...he doesn't want to go and he won't know anyone there. I won't even know most people there anyway, plus he has met everyone already. I convinced him to come with me in the end, but he's making things really hard...such as waiting last minute to find something to wear. He made things really difficult the last time too, but that's another story...

The wedding in question is this coming Saturday and let me add, he has plans to go out with his friends on Friday night...Saturday morning won't be pretty! I asked him TWICE last night what he was planning on wearing and he said that he would think about it later. Knowing him, it'll be Saturday and he still won't have anything to wear. Another problem is that he doesn't have one nice suit... I don't care that he doesn't have one but he could at least allow me to help him, no? The previous two weddings we went to were in August and September, it was still warm out so he wore black pants and the same shirt to both...which he INSISTED on NOT tucking into his pants. I feel like this looks so ridiculous and juvenile...fine if you take it out by the end of the night, but for the actual ceremony? it just looks so slobby. Plus, I don't like that he wants to wear the same old purple shirt he wore at the last two weddings...he has other button ups he can wear. I know that he's doing this because he could care less.

I'm just worried that I'm going to look like I picked up a bum off the street just to have a date to the wedding! lol He can't seem to understand all this. It's ONE saturday night. I didn't pick the night, I'm not even that excited about the wedding (I personally hate weddings!), but I'm happy for my friend and I want to celebrate it with her and be supportive regardless. I know this is not his friend, but it's a free meal and an open bar...what does he have to complain about?! I asked my sister's bf and my mom's bf (they're all about the same size) if they have a suit that my bf can borrow on saturday. I did this behind his back, because honestly I think it's going to piss him off if I keep bringing it up. I want to have every possible solution to my problem before bringing it up to him again.

What to do?? :S I feel like I would do something like this for him if he needed me to be with him. Is this normal "guy behaviour"? Should there be some sort of compromise about this type of situation in relationships? It's not like he's buying the gift or paid for the meal. I know he doesn't want to go but he could at least put in a little effort, no? He is a very sociable guy and can talk to anybody, so I don't see it as being a social anxiety issue.

[ponygirl]

Also, could I just tell him to nevermind and go on my own? If he really doesn't want to go, I don't want to force him. But I had RSVP'd that he was coming with me so it would be kind of stupid of me to go alone at this point...it's also kind of annoying to think that he waits til the last possible second to start being difficult about it. Part of me just wants to leave him home!! grrrr

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I don't see why he needs to get new clothes to wear, but he sounds like a twat. What about the rest of his life? Is he a bum?

[ponygirl]

No, he's just immature. I've accepted that and hope that he will grow out of it at some point. He needs some sort of suit or something nice and more formal than what he wore to the last weddings. I don't think he needs NEW clothes, I just want him to at least find some...borrow from a friend, rent something? I don't know? Last time he saw these people was at another wedding and he wants to wear the same thing. It looked nice but last time he saw these people was at another wedding and he wore those clothes...if it was a white/pale color shirt, than I'm pretty sure people wouldn't notice but it's a dark purple shirt. Nice, but wearing again to this wedding is almost like wearing the same clothes two days in a row. Plus, there's going to be pictures and .... argh! It just annoys me that's all.

[Maple1714]

Do you enjoy your BF's company? Is he really a good match for you over all? It's not a big deal to go to a wedding alone is it? If he doesn't want to go you should be making him....it's never that fun to drag someone along with you somewhere. How is the rest of your relationship?

[Maple1714]

You sound high maintenance...you need to find an equally high maintenance boyfriend.

[basilandthyme]

If he doesn't want to go, do both of yourselves a favour and go without him.

I am worried that you've decided to stay with him on the expectation that he'll grow out of his immaturity. If he's not showing signs of growing out of it at 26, I wouldn't be holding my breath for him ever growing up. Based on his behaviour now, I'm not getting good vibes for him as a husband/father.

[bearz]

I know plenty of people who don't like huge social gatherings like weddings, I'm one of them. But I would suck it up and go there if I was asked to by my girlfriend or wife. And I wouldn't wait until the last minute to get the proper clothes either.

How did he do at the last wedding you dragged him to? Was he just miserable the whole time or did he actually kind of enjoyed himself towards the end?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Does he have a job?

[Wakeup]

You two are funadamentally uncompatible and if you keep on with him it sure sounds like you're going to be doing a lot of things on your own. If that happens, you'll have all the restrictions of being in a committed relationship and none of the bonuses. You are already trying to micro-manage him and you're being more of a mother figure then a girlfriend to him.

I say go alone and when you come back tell him that you've decided that you need to be with someone who likes to socialize like you yourself do and that he's not that man. This will not get any better but only worse as he gets more and more settled in the relationship and takes you even more for granted knowing you'll just go alone (wherein he won't care) Ugh!

[Kromat83]

A wedding is meeting some close friends and being there for their special occasion.
I would be proud to go with my girl to something like this and there's also a party afterwards which can always be fun.
How is around normal people ? Is he always not in the mood, and it's not like people you know get married all that often.
I agree that you seem like a mother figure and accept his faults, and he's not willing to change himself, which is also disturbing.
It's your life, but is this how you really want to live it ?

[FlaCooln]

Dude is 26 and does not have a suit? Seriously, he needs to grow up. There are places where you can get 2 suits for $200, nothing amazing but a suit still looks good. Also, I think there is nothing wrong with you wanting him to accompany you to a wedding. I have been to plenty weddings where I did not know a single person other than the girl I was with. Weddings are fun, free drinks, hopefully good food, and music. Shoot I will go....lol.

Just let him know it is important to you and you want him to look his best. He needs to stop being immature, skip the friends night out on Friday, and for god sake where appropriate attire to a wedding.

[michelle23]

Stop hoping hell grow out of it. He wont. Does he put everyone else before you? Does he bitch and moan about going to other social events with you? Such as family occasions? If yes-ask yourself what are you getting out of this? Are you happy?

Your gonna have weddings, funerals, birthday partys, baby events such as christenings and a whole load of other stuff every year for the rest of your life. Do you want to go to all these events alone?

[surfhb2]

The dress thing aside.....what kind of asshole doesnt go with his GF to a wedding? There's lots of stuff i dont want to do with my Wife....but I go anyway. ( a wedding with free food and booze isnt one of them )

She hauls her ass in the freezing cold mornings with me sometimes when i surf. Give and take

[Cerby]

.....what kind of asshole doesnt go with his GF to a wedding? There's lots of stuff i dont want to do with my Wife....but I go anyway. ( a wedding with free food and booze isnt one of them )

Couldn't agree more, going is just part of the relationship territory. He is your "plus 1", and by making a deal out of it he is being a dick.