Girlfriend was too honest... HELP!

[7692]

My girlfriend and I have been going out for six months and are deeply in love. She is the most honest person I have ever met and has openly brought up her past with me. We both volunteer in our free time and have the same volunteer manager; who we are both good friends with. However she told me that about a year ago, long before we started going out, our manager had just been divorced and he asked her out. They went out for less than a month and then he ended it (it was clearly a rebound but she didn't see it as yet another toxic relationship). She also told me that they had slept together - and that is where the problem lies. She has had plenty of sexual partners in the past and I haven't had a problem with any of them - but that may be because I didn't know any of them personally. Now all I can think about is the two of them doing it; and it's driving me crazy. She says that they will never be more than friends in the future; and I believe her, but at the same time I can't get the idea of them two doing it out of my head. I really don't want the relationship to end; but at the same time, I don't see how it can continue when all I can think about is the two of them doing it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

[VincenzoG91]

Don't invite him to the wedding. And from now on, don't date co-workers. It's lazy and leads to trouble.

[JJhon]

All you can do is try to take your mind out of there.
As you described she seems to be a perfect partner, she tells you everything, she didn't mind of letting you know that she slept with the manager. If you think that all the time, about them 2, you are going to destroy your relationship.

Looks like you really trust her, then TRUST her. She likes you, she wants to be with you

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[LoveBunny]

She told you, a lot of women wouldn't have told you. Take that as it is, she was not being too honest. It means she trusts you too, by telling you that.

Don't worry about it. Do you think she will cheat on you? Then forget about it. Happy women don't cheat. Don't ruin your relationship by letting jealousy win

[Valixy]

Maybe it will help you minimalize the importance of this conflict you're having if you try to imagine that your girlfriend finds out about a fling you had last year with another girl from your common circle of friends... You wouldn't understand why she would need to torture herself picturing you two together when that girl didn't mean much for you then and she means even less today. Also I think she was very brave to confess you this and it can turn out to be a positive thing for your relationship in the long run. This way you have the possibility to decide on what kind of relationship or contact you prefer to have with the manager from now on. I think it would have been more frustrating for you to find out much later and from someone else.

Maybe if both of you changed the centre where you volunteer it would help. She loves you and if you are getting on so well it would be a shame to let it be compromised for something that hasn't got any validity in her life anymore whatsoever. Human mind can be tricky but it can also overcome its own traps especially when given some time that allows the necessary detachment.

[amy37]

7692,

you just need to give it time to settle. I know, it can be kind of a shock, but the only things you can do is give the thought time to settle in your brain. Don't let it destroy your relationship, sounds like it could be good.

Best of wishes

[smackie9]

Dude your in love, and for you to actually be seeing the man that penetrated the woman you love smacks of reality that she has had sex with other men. You are in the honeymoon stage and at this stage everything at the drop of a hat is going to drive you crazy jealous, ie seeing a stranger talking to her, or someone making eyes at her etc. You have no choice but to fight your way though it, and divert your thoughts. It's just the way life is.

[michelle23]

You cant let a past fling destroy the relationship. Everyone has a past. Shes with you now so concentrate on the present

[Pixie01]

I had a similar thing happen to me. It never really stopped bothering me for the duration of the relationship, but it did settle and become easier to handle. It is done and the problem that exists is only something in your mind that you can control. That sucks but it is the only thing than can change the issue at hand.

[7692]

Thanks for all the messages guys; but unfortunately these feelings are just getting worse and making me physically nauseous. I am trying to keep myself busy but they still come out of nowhere. Though I still don't want this to end, my well-being has to come first so if they aren't gone by the end of next week, I see no option but to go our separate ways.

[pcmaster]

Say her what you feel, talk about it and forget it. She trusted you -honesty is good fountation for relationship. Now its time to trust her and express your feelings.

Reminds me story about 80 year old couple having dinner and dude suddenly hit the babe with spoon in the forehead. She was in shock - why? They went to counseling and guy said when they were getting married at 20's he noticed that she are not virgin anymore. And all his life he wondered who was that guy?

[surfhb2]

Thanks for all the messages guys; but unfortunately these feelings are just getting worse and making me physically nauseous. I am trying to keep myself busy but they still come out of nowhere. Though I still don't want this to end, my well-being has to come first so if they aren't gone by the end of next week, I see no option but to go our separate ways.

Enjoy being single dumb shit !

[7692]

Say her what you feel, talk about it and forget it. She trusted you -honesty is good fountation for relationship. Now its time to trust her and express your feelings.

Tried it, didn't work.

[pcmaster]

How about you - was you a virgin before her?

[7692]

Right - I'm going to ask if she would stop volunteering for us. If she says yes then I will let the manager know that either he leaves, or we both leave.