Should I tell, or not?

[amy37]

Hi,

I'm faced with a decision that can break a relationship and possibly my friendship, and I was looking for some advice/insight.

So we'll call the guy Dick, and the girl Jane. They've been going out for a little over a year, they make a great couple, and we hang out every now and then with a group of other friends. Originally, Dick was my friend first, I've known him since college. Were ok friends, not the closest, but i'd consider us friends. I met Jane through Dick, and we hit it of and became pretty close friends. Dick is a good guy, nice, handsome,... the whole package. Jane lights up whenever she sees him, she has never been so much in love.

Recently I found out that Dick cheated on Jane. He got drunk one night and had a one night stand with some chick he met in a bar. I know this because I saw them leave together from the bar (he didn`t know I was behind him, and he didn`t see me). At the time I didn`t think they were going to sleep together, but I thought they were just friends walking each other home. Then a couple of days later some rumors from some of his friends were floating around that they had slept together but I didn`t believe them. Then a couple of days later, I overherd him admitting to his best friend that he cheated on Jane with the girl I saw a week before. So at this point, no one among us, of the group of friends that hang out together know about this except me and obviously Dick.

So the question is should I rat him out and tell Jane? Or am I being nosy?

I know that he'll be mad at me and possibly end our friendship saying that i'm being nosy for telling her. I know it's not my business, but I feel like i'm betraying Jane by not telling her. Or am I betraying him for telling on him? I think that if I were in her shoes and she was in mine I would want to know. Or should I just keep my mouth shut?
Dick isn't the kind of guy who cheats on girls, I know that he was pretty drunk that night and it was probably a big mistake. If I keep my mouth shut she will never know, and they could keep going on as a happy couple.

What do you guys think? Any advice, insights?

[michelle23]

If i was her id want to no. Theres nothing worse than living a lie. You say hes not the type to cheat but he obviously is coz he wouldnt have done it otherwise (drunk or not) i mean he left the bar that night knowing what was going to happen. And he could easily do it again. Id tell her if i were you or tell him to tell her. He obviosly doesnt feel guilty about it. If he did she wouldnt be the last to find out. Hes happy to have all the town gossiping and laughing behind her back. What an arse! He doesnt deserve her!

Defo tell her-he doesnt need to find out it was you but y the hell wud u wana be friends with this guy or his friends? They dont have a conscience either since there all talking about it behind her back. There prob all as bad as him

[broken-hearted]

I'd want to know if I was her. Regardless of if he meant for it to happen or not or how he feels towards her, that doesn't make him any less of a 'dick.' I wouldn't stay with someone like that. Who knows what can happen in the future?

[michelle23]

Ask yourself OP-would you want to no if you were her? Theres rumours going around-his friends no-shes goonna find out at some stage anyway whether its now or in 5years. Just tell her so she can find a better man now and dont waste anymore of her life on the loser. Cheating doesnt "just happen" i dont care how drunk he was. He new what he was doing!

[bearz]

The nice me would talk to him first and see what he's got to say about it, make him understand that his girlfriend needs to know. The not-so-nice me would just go to her and tell her what I know. The only downside with that is that she might not believe you, depending on how naive she is.

[Pixie01]

I would tell her. That is what I would want if it were me.

[michelle23]

True she may think your lying, jealous, trying to break them up etc. Maybe you should confront him first and record the conversation incase you need proof when you tell her.

If he really cared he and it really was a "big mistake" he would have told her already or even broke up with her coz he knows she deserves better. Instead he told other people, is allowing then yo gossip and spread the word while he does nothing. That does not sound like a guy who deserves any empathy or respect. Hes an asshole and he will do it again.

She needs to no. She could catch something off him or imagine if she got pregnant with this cunts kid and he has no respect for her or no empathy for her feelings.

Your girl code should be telling you to put her first. Us girls need to stick together in these situations!

It was a bloke who told me when my ex cheated and i will be eternily grateful to him for opening my eyes so i could dump the bastard!

[amy37]

Thank you guys for the advice, I am going to confront him and give him a chance to come clean to her. Then if he doesn't i'm going to tell her myself. You guys are right in saying that no one wants to live a lie, and if she chooses to do so, she shouldn't be wasting her time with him. As sad as it is, I am not the one responsible for his actions.