Is this a terrible idea?

[Darkyl]

I apologize beforehand for eventual mistakes, I'm writing this on my phone.

Ok, so I recently met this girl at a party. I couldn't keep my eyes off her (not in a creepy way) and, in my opinion, we got along quite well. I got her cellphone number before I had to leave the party. Then, not to seem like a creepy stalker, I waited one day before subtly contacting her. "Blabla" Smalltalk, and I slipped in an offer to grab pizza with me.
I got a reply where she said she was flattered that I had asked her, but she had some anxiety-related stress problems, and dating wasn't something she wanted at this time. We agreed to be friends, and now comes the "idea" from the title.
I'm thinking about getting to know her now, and maybe invite her for something new in a few months, or something. Is this something that could work, or should I just quit now. I mean, she didn't say she never wanted to do something, but is saying you are "flattered" just a subtle way of saying "no chance in hell, pal"?

Do girls usually make up excuses, or are most of you good at giving a perfectly clear "no" when you don't want to go out with someone?

Thanks,
- Alex

[JJhon]

I had a girl that made dome excuses for not going out...

One time I asked her to go to a place she said 'I have homework to do' I said fine...

Next weekend she went to the refered place without saying anything to me.

So yeah, I think that girls don't want to say a straight 'no' because they don't want to show that they are not interested, they want to be with the options open if one day they change their minds...

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[michelle23]

We feel bad just saying no and not giving a reason. i always say i have a bf but thanks anyway-its better than flat out rejection saying nah ur not my type lr i dont like u. today a guy asked me out for the third time and i was thinking in my head "your a ****ing addict/alcho who can barely string a sentence together, your scruffy, missing a few teeth and im way outa ur league, cant believe you actually had the balls to ask me out-not once but 3times. y wud i change my mind-the first impression still stands-lozer! "

did i say that to him? no. i said "i have a bf but thanks anyway

[JJhon]

Michelle, this is just me saying, I'd prefer that you said what's in your head.

I rather have a hurtful truth then a small lie...

Sent from my Galaxy S2

[Darkyl]

I'll have to agree with JJhon on that one. Even though the truth hurts, it's necessary for personal development. When you let a guy down by saying things like "No, I have a boyfriend, sorry." He will believe that he would have had a chance if you didn't have a boyfriend. If you had given him the truth then, who knows, maybe he would have begun to reflect and form thoughts like "Wow, is that really how people see me? I should work on becomming a better person, maybe then I'll find a girl". However, with your answer, he's most likely thinking "Ah, all right, I'll have better luck with someone who is not currently in a relationship. Because there's NOTHING wrong with me!"
TLDR: Tell the truth, even if the truth hurts.

Anyhow! Do you think my idea is terrible, or should I stick through with it? She could've said she had a boyfriend if she didn't want to go out with me. I think that making up stuff about mental problems is something most people don't do. Besides, she said she'd maybe date me if she didn't have this rought patch right now.

[michelle23]

i get what your saying but i do have a bf so its not a lie and its not my problem if he keeps getting rejected coz he cant look in the mirror and see he needs to change.

[michelle23]

OP she knows your interested in her so id say if she changes her mind shed let you no. i dont think its a good idea to try and become her best friend. that never works. ull just end up staying there and wasting a whole lot of time when you could be tring to find a real gf.

[lamobatsman]

i agree with jhon about girls telling the truth. i wish in my instance the girl told me shes losing interest or just wants to be friends etc. id rather know this then waste my time and get strung along

[kat82]

She's just not that into you. It's up to you if you want to try to be friends but being friends may not make her fall for you.

I also feel the instinct to come up with an excuse. I mean it's hard to just say "No I'm not interested" but in the past, when I flat out told someone "No" it was always terrible...the guy would either be mean about it or stalk me. When I came up with a clever excuse like I'm seeing someone, or I'm suffering anxiety from family issues, they backed off quietly.

[michelle23]

ya i have tried a flat out "no thanks" before and he stood there and looked at me waiting for a reason. cant win. its better to let them down gently. nobody wants to be told that shit "im not attracted to you, you are a waster, your too scruffy" etc or it could be "i dont trust you, you seem like a player, your a douche, you dont have a brain" lol

sometimes it could be "your a nice bloke but we have nothing in common" or some other nice reason but still you dont want to be a complete bitch by just saying i wouldnt touch off you or im not interested. id only get bitchy if they wont accept my answer and keep asking.

[smackie9]

This is what you do....if it sounds like bull shit, then it is. Stop wasting you time, especially when they throw "lets be friends" card at you. You don't need more friends, you want to date them. Man up and move on.

[surfhb2]

I agree with Michelle.....if girls just said what's on their minds, us guys would be stupid enough to sit there and analyze the situation further with more stupid questions.

Keep up the fine work ladies....you're doing fine

[Valixy]

Some minor anxiety problems shouldn't be a barrier for a girl to have a simple date with a guy if she's interested. Some serious ones could be a real barrier maybe even a few months from now on. It could be a poor excuse too of course. Maybe you should try to forget about her and time will tell, a few months from now on you could give it another thought if you'll feel like it but don't place too much interest on her as she told you she is unavailable.

[Love'sReject]

Michelle, this is just me saying, I'd prefer that you said what's in your head.

I rather have a hurtful truth then a small lie...

Sent from my Galaxy S2

Amen, bro!

[smackie9]

I've always been blunt with the truth, and people get agitated by it. I get crapped on because of it, so I can see why people avoid being truthful. It's always damned if you do and damned if you don't.