New here, for a reason

[Str8himalaya]

Hello. I am in a bit of a hard spot, and I feel like I know the answer to my question, but am looking to find out from people not attached to the situation. First, in oct. of 2010 I married a woman I was dating for 6 years. We were always hot and cold, and honestly we shouldn't have gotten married. Well right before I got married, I met a girl that I almost instantly fell in love with. Needless to say, I felt the pressure and still married. Then a couple months later we divorced, and went our separate ways. I was still head over heals for this other woman I had met, but she had a boyfriend. We talked, and she talked about leaving her boyfriend, as I had left my wife. I waited for her to dump her boyfriend, and after about a year and a half she did. We started dating immediately, and had already been very close. Something I'm not proud of, but we were intimate and stayed with each other as she was still with him. First mistake, I let myself be the other guy. Second, I let her have her cake and eat it too. I was more there for her in every way, and she even moved out on her own without him so it was easier for us to see each other. We have been dating since September, but she has been reluctant to really make it hugely public, we work for the same company but at different branches, and I've even heard her say she just thought it would hurt her ex if she just started flaunting it all over the place. Well, about three days ago, we sat down, and she explained to me that for the first time in a while she was missing her ex and she didn't understand what that meant. I told her if she isn't sure, then she needs some time alone away from me and from him to figure out what she wants. She agreed and I let her go, thinking she would take the time to herself. This was on Thursday. Well come to find out, she has been talking to her ex on the phone for hours at a time since the day before our talk. This crushed me, and I confronted her. She obviously got defensive, and said I needed to trust her, and that she was going to do what she promised she would. I feel like a fool, and I feel extremely betrayed. The whole reason it took her so long to break up with him in the first place, according to her, was because once it was over, it was over and wanted to make sure of that. Now this. I'm starting to feel like it was all a lie, and I was played for two years. After waiting, after absolutely adoring her, she goes back to someone that wasn't there for her. I don't feel I've done anything wrong for the most part. I'm sure I've not given her all my attention at one time or another, and made some mistakes, but I didn't feel like it was anything to cause her to do this. I'm crushed, and just trying to sort through all this. Yes, I feel like a moron, and I probably was, but I'm looking for feedback, and if she comes back, or will she? What do I do from there?

[smackie9]

Dude you were a rebound, and this sort of thing happens. If you don't date someone that has had ample time to get over their break up you pay the price. You were clouded by your own selfishness to have her....next time choose more wisely.

[smackie9]

If she comes back? Why bother waiting, most likely no she will not. The slim chance she does you will never be able to trust her anyways.

[Str8himalaya]

Yeah, I still think its a little harsh to consider this my fault. I didn't do all the right things, but she definitely didn't give the impression she wanted any space, especially since we planned the break up for the most part. It was a messed up situation from the beginning, it just feels like karma now. I'm getting to the point where I'm more pissed than upset. I waited for her to end this thing with him, then she does, and then now is having feelings for him and talking to him right away? That seems like some bull s***. Other than getting involved early, I treated her the best I possibly could have. Just hurtful and frustrating.

[smackie9]

Dude like I said you take your chances with someone that is in or just fresh out of a relationship. She can't help that she still has feelings for her ex. Life is just like that. Just because you were good her doesn't entitle you to have her or anyone else for that matter. Love stinks.

[Str8himalaya]

I agree, I guess it is my fault then. Just can't be putting myself out there so quickly I guess. It just isn't a great feeling obviously. When three weeks ago we are talking about getting married, going on vacation, then all the sudden smack, I get hit with this. Just really came out of no where to me. She said it was the last couple days she had started to miss him again and she didn't know why. That's when I told her she needed to find that out before anything else could ever work and I told her I would give her all the space that she needed. She said for the longest time she was fine, then she just started thinking maybe she didn't give it enough of a chance, and she was just extremely confused and frustrated. Dunno if that's all true or just a bunch of bull.

[HeartIsAching]

Hello. I am in a bit of a hard spot, and I feel like I know the answer to my question, but am looking to find out from people not attached to the situation. First, in oct. of 2010 I married a woman I was dating for 6 years. We were always hot and cold, and honestly we shouldn't have gotten married. Well right before I got married, I met a girl that I almost instantly fell in love with. Needless to say, I felt the pressure and still married. Then a couple months later we divorced, and went our separate ways. I was still head over heals for this other woman I had met, but she had a boyfriend. We talked, and she talked about leaving her boyfriend, as I had left my wife. I waited for her to dump her boyfriend, and after about a year and a half she did. We started dating immediately, and had already been very close. Something I'm not proud of, but we were intimate and stayed with each other as she was still with him. First mistake, I let myself be the other guy. Second, I let her have her cake and eat it too. I was more there for her in every way, and she even moved out on her own without him so it was easier for us to see each other. We have been dating since September, but she has been reluctant to really make it hugely public, we work for the same company but at different branches, and I've even heard her say she just thought it would hurt her ex if she just started flaunting it all over the place. Well, about three days ago, we sat down, and she explained to me that for the first time in a while she was missing her ex and she didn't understand what that meant. I told her if she isn't sure, then she needs some time alone away from me and from him to figure out what she wants. She agreed and I let her go, thinking she would take the time to herself. This was on Thursday. Well come to find out, she has been talking to her ex on the phone for hours at a time since the day before our talk. This crushed me, and I confronted her. She obviously got defensive, and said I needed to trust her, and that she was going to do what she promised she would. I feel like a fool, and I feel extremely betrayed. The whole reason it took her so long to break up with him in the first place, according to her, was because once it was over, it was over and wanted to make sure of that. Now this. I'm starting to feel like it was all a lie, and I was played for two years. After waiting, after absolutely adoring her, she goes back to someone that wasn't there for her. I don't feel I've done anything wrong for the most part. I'm sure I've not given her all my attention at one time or another, and made some mistakes, but I didn't feel like it was anything to cause her to do this. I'm crushed, and just trying to sort through all this. Yes, I feel like a moron, and I probably was, but I'm looking for feedback, and if she comes back, or will she? What do I do from there?

Cheaters cheat... you got with a woman that was willing to cheat on her ex BF with you. Welcome to reality.

[smackie9]

I agree, I guess it is my fault then. Just can't be putting myself out there so quickly I guess. It just isn't a great feeling obviously. When three weeks ago we are talking about getting married, going on vacation, then all the sudden smack, I get hit with this. Just really came out of no where to me. She said it was the last couple days she had started to miss him again and she didn't know why. That's when I told her she needed to find that out before anything else could ever work and I told her I would give her all the space that she needed. She said for the longest time she was fine, then she just started thinking maybe she didn't give it enough of a chance, and she was just extremely confused and frustrated. Dunno if that's all true or just a bunch of bull.

Ever hear of the honeymoon period of a relationship? It's at the beginning of a relationship and it can last anywhere from 6 months to a year and a half. It's the time when you are obsessed with each other. There will be talk of future plans, marriage, children's names, etc. But that is all it is, is talk and should never be taken as promises that it'll happen. Things change, feelings fizzle out as fast as they ignite.