How to stay friends with a guy I like?

[rayna]

...I'll explain. There are are two main reasons why I'd like to start taking a different approach to "dating."

1) Once in a while, I meet an amazing guy. We get along and the attraction is clear. However, circumstances in life lead us to different paths, geographically. However there's always that thought that there could be a possibility in the future. I mean, we're still young right? And you never know what could happen in 5 years.

2) Too often I jump too quickly into the physical aspects of a relationship, and then when I reach my boundaries of how far I'd go with some one I've only known for a couple weeks...it falls apart and we realize we were not on the same page.

So...I'd like to know...how do I chill and take things slower? Because ideally, (yes this is really corny) I'd like to fall in love with someone I consider a best friend.

[basilandthyme]

I once wondered aloud to my husband about if I hadn't slept with him and if he'd been my friend instead. He replied "I had enough friends. I wanted a girlfriend". In short, if I'd wanted friendship, I wouldn't have gotten a look-in.

Another thing to consider - just say you find a guy who's happy to be friends. You may fall in love with him - but in the meantime, he might go and find himself a girlfriend.

[rayna]

That's an interesting perspective. What if current circumstances don't allow you to be together, but you can tell the attraction is still there? Should I just count it as a loss?

[basilandthyme]

That's an interesting perspective. What if current circumstances don't allow you to be together, but you can tell the attraction is still there? Should I just count it as a loss?

Actually, current circumstances didn't allow for it. But we changed the circumstances: Hubby resigned from an overseas posting so that he could be around and foster the relationship.

[smackie9]

How do you stay friends with a guy you like? You don't. You should be friends with guys that you are not sexually attracted to (if that is possible) not friends with guys you want to date. Makes sense? Friendship is a two way street. You both have to be on the same page. Most guys don't want to be your friend if there is no hope of ever banging you.

[freshlylit]

I hate the general thought of men is that they need to bang every woman they are friends with..... Granted, yes, I knew and still know a lot of guys with that mentality... But you know what, I had a ton of girl pals in my life. Their level of attractiveness varied from not at all to the best looking girl in our school, that girl and I even went to prom together as friends. It's true, sometimes I hoped that that feeling might spring up, but it just didn't, so I didn't force it.

To make things simple, physical attraction and emotional attraction are two totally different things. Sure the physical attraction might be what made you connect, but you can't let that cloud what is really there or really not there. You can't pretend love, well, you can, but there is no way either of the people involved will last.

Don't force it. It will come when you least expect it. And hey, just because you are a girl doesn't mean you have to wait for the guy to make the first move, even if its just hello.