Men

[Jen73]

When I was pregnant I discovered that my boyfriend had been cheating on me on many occasions with lots of different women. He would lie to them in order to get sex and then often tell them he wasn't interested. In addition there were literally hundreds of women online that he would try it on with.

I discovered this only when I was pregnant with our baby and we broke up. I tried my hardest to be friends with him for our son and eventually I agreed to give it another go.

After I did he started to touch me inwppropriately while I was asleep and we would row. This happened quite a few times and I literally couldn't stand to be around him.

He hasn't changed and since our child was born he has been back online speaking to an average of 30 women. In the first conversation to one she told him that her ex had cheated and she was a mess. He asked her to move to the country and said he would get her a job, a place to live and friends.

He often asks any girl for sex and his sexual behaviour worries me.

This is far beyond normal behaviour and I'm concerned about what environment my child will be around when he is with him.

Does anyone know what to suggest? I've asked him to see a counsellor. The worst part for me is that he thinks this behaviour is normal.

[VincenzoG91]

This is normal behavior for him, and the fact that he doesn't see anything wrong with it suggests that he is a sociopath. The more interesting question is why do you put up with this? Is there a way to force him to pay child support so that you don't have to otherwise deal with his crap? From what you described, he isn't really your boyfriend in any reasonable definition of the word, he's just some guy that sometimes has sex with you.

[Jen73]

We aren't together anymore. I had no idea who he was until recently. He pays support but he wants to be a big part of my sons life. His family spend a lot of time with our child too. My concern is the environment my son will be around when he looks after him. The things he has done to me aren't normal. His whole attitude towards sex is bizarre and I'm totally lost. I don't know what to do for the best for our child.

[bearz]

A friend of mine went through something similar. Her husband was crazy, a total nut job. He'd be in constant paranoia at home and what not, pretty much put his whole family in danger at times when he was freaking out. At some point she had enough, moved out, took the kid, filed for sole custody and a divorce. He hasn't seen the kid in over a year now. Kid and mom are doing well because they have good family support.

Why am I telling you this? Because this might be your best option at this point... get as far away from him as possible. Your kid will be better off without his real daddy.

[Jen73]

His parents are besotted with our baby. And even him, for all of his weird tendencies, he clearly loves his son. On a daily basis he is normal. But when you scratch the surface that's where the issues are.

Do you really think its best for a child to grow up not knowing their parent. I'm very confused.

[bearz]

Keep in mind that what I posted above is only true if he doesn't change his behavior and you keep having doubts about him. This would obviously be a last resort and the worst option for him. But you gotta go with what your gut is telling you.

There are obviously other options. For example, you could tell him that he either gets professional help now or he won't get to spend time with his child alone. Not sure what your current legal bindings are as far as custody and/or visitation rights. When my friend went through this trouble the father was only to see the child at a neutral location with supervision. He was devasted, tried to get professional help... but he couldn't keep it up and went back to his old ways.

[Jen73]

I've asked him to see a therapist. He said he will but he hasn't done anything about it yet. He's spent his time online trying to get laid and promising the earth to women he doesnt know.

Do you know what this kind of behaviour is or the reasons for it? I really don't understand. One girl was a teenager, he's nearly 30. She was drunk at a party asking random people for sex and obviously everyone turned her away. In my head a normal guy would have pod for her taxi and sent her home. He took her in a room with another guy and did whatever he did. That really worries me. Even one girl who was clearly unnattractive messaged him and asked him for a drink. His reply was I'm not going out for a drink with you, but if you come to my house in the daytime I'll 'give you some magic, that is all that is available'

Do guys normally behave this way?! I'm losing total faith in my understanding of men

[Jen73]

I don't want my son being surrounded by this behaviour. I want him to be normal and happy. I'm worried that he won't be a good influence in his life. His father clearly has no respect for women, or for himself. My son is my number one priority in all of this.

[michelle23]

This man is either a narcissist or a sex addict. If he is a narcissist he will never change and you and your son are better off without him. I would not want my child growing up with that role model-did you ever hear the saying "like father like son" your child needs to learn to respect women from a young age and daddy is his role model.

If he is a sex addict-he may change with therapy. I think you should cut contact until he gets counselling. His parents can come to you to see the child and you can allow him supervised access.

Go through the courts for full custody if you need to-get some legal advice.

I would not want this sex predator anywhere near my child!

[michelle23]

Also talk to his parents about his behaviour and voice your concerns. If they have any sense they will see your point and they may even agree that hes not a god influence on your son. Try to stay on good terms with them and make it clear you have no problem with them being involved. Its just him.

If he is a sex addict-he may be a danger to your son. Some sex addicts are capable of degrading acts of sexual violence and molestation. If you voice your concerns in a court-they will understand your concerns.

Also if you can collect any proof of his online behaviour-start doing it now

[Jen73]

That's what worries me. My baby means the world to me. I don't want him to turn into some kind of freak.

I don't really stay in contact with him until I have to, then when we speak I just end up screaming at him about his behaviour. But there really is no point. He just gives me half hearted apologies. And I know they're not real because in the past he has sworn that he is sorry and then done it again. So he clearly doesn't mean it.

His family would want to know why I'm cutting contact. I don't have the heart to tell them. For my sons sake either. I don't want him to find out any of this stuff.

[Jen73]

I genuinely don't believe that he would ever hurt his son. He isn't like that. Women yes. But he's not that sick.

[michelle23]

His family need to know what hes doing and why your so concerned. Look up narcissistic personality disorder
And then look up the link between narcissism and cheating or sexual behaviour in narcissists.

Then look up sex addiction and try to figure out which one it is.

It is defo one or the other. His behaviour is not normal. Im sorry he is the father to your son. What a disapointment but al you can do now is damage limitation and what you feel is best for your child.

In time you will meet a good man who will be a great role model. Stay strong and well done for dumping his ass!

[Starnique]

If you dont have any intention of getting back with him then its not really necessary for you to try to figure out whats wrong with him. Its no longer your problem and thank God, its not. Even if you go to court and get custody or whatver, you have to prove that he is a misfit parent or is not in a good environment for the child. At least where Im at. I doubt the judge would care if you say hes a serial cheater, a ho.

If hes a good father and its over between you two then leave it at that. All kids need their father, even if they are whorish. I know men that get around and thir excellent daddies because they dont let it interfere with their parenting.

[michelle23]

If hes a good father and its over between you two then leave it at that. All kids need their father, even if they are whorish. I know men that get around and thir excellent daddies because they dont let it interfere with their parenting.

Yes but the kid could grow up to be just as bad as him. I wouldn't want him near my child. Hes a bad influence. He has no self-respect and no respect for women. It is wrong for a little boy to grow up thinking its normal behavior when its not.