Marry or not? Tonight the aswer..

[dimitris]

Hi everyone. I could have several more moths to think, but the answer would never come because this is my real problem.. I am 38, and I am in a relationship for the last 7 years. We have been well, but we have also been apart some times, because of a major issue of mine. We have different goals. She is a wonderful person, but sees things differently. She wants to have kids, (as I do), have fun with the family and cousins all the time, get a coffee after work, stay out have fun and has no will to get better.
I love her so much, I've cried so much every time I left her in the past for the same reason, and then came back, but I have a different philosophy about life. I want to get better every day, and I want my woman to do the same thing. I want to learn, I get back from work and check something on the internet, read books, visit museums, concerts, I like to talk to people who can teach you something new, visit new places, be a better person. And I go for that every time I am not very tired from work.
The result is, two different realities. One is love. Which is immense. The other is two different realities : Getting better together vs love me for who I am, I don't want to change anything.
Since January she left because she could not stand my uncertainty anymore. She wants to marry me and has had tones of patience, but since January she started getting tired of this. Her ego, and thoughts about the future. She wanted to get married to me and have kids together. But I kept postponing the answer. And now, since I kept giving hope to her, I finally put myself in the angle. i told her tonight i will give her the answer. Marriage, or goodbye. I tried to be mature for once in all this. But I still have difficulties.
There is a half full glass of water.. I ran away 5 times, and returned 5. What shall I do ? No more time, I am sick of my uncertainty. It's a "for a life" answer. Now. Any advice ?

[pcmaster]

Marriage is not so big thing - you like her - take her to church. If you want to keep person in your life then create bonds and where is bonds there is always strenght .

[Cerby]

You're still uncertain, so you should not marry her and simply move on. This isn't a decision to be made from the fence, you need to truly feel and believe in it, which you currently don't.

[fearoflove]

Why doesn't she let you read your books, visit places, and go to the museum?

[HeartIsAching]

So she'd rather spend time with family or get a coffee than spend time a museum, looking things up on the internet or reading a book... so what?

It's not for you to say what she does or whether she's 'bettering' herself. Personally, I think you two are just incompatible.

[michelle23]

Youve already ran five times. What does that tell you?

[pcmaster]

Well she seem to be a social person while you more outsider.I think shes a catch.

You could marry someone just like you and end up bored in museum.

[michelle23]

You dont have to have everything in common to be a good match.

Me and my partner are different in a lot of ways but we have the same morals, values, beliefs and long term goals. Im social and outgoing-hes introverted. Im intellectual-hes more hands on. Im way more talkative-hes the silent type. I love learning new things and exploring-hed prefer to watch tv but were great together and love each other to bits! Sometimes hell do things to make me happy like socialize with me or go see a castle and sometimes ill watch a film i dont particularly like for him. Its all about give and tame and making small sacrifices for each other. He supports me and encourages me whenever i tell him im doing a new course or starting a new hobby even though he thinks my desire for learning is nuts lol and i listen to him talk about work and what he did today even though i dont have a clue what hes talking about coz i no nothing about cars..

Sometimes it may be that your standards and expectations are too high. In order to marry her you need to accept that she is different to you in a lot of ways and you wouldnt change her for the world coz u love her just the way she is.

She doesnt have to like everything you like or want to do everything that you want to do but there should b e compromise and give and take. You should be willing to socialize with her and likewise she should be willing to go to a museum with you.

If she makes you happy 80% of the time and you think you are strong enough together to pull each other closer during hard times-then marry her.

However if the small stupid irrelevant things push you apart you wont be able to handle the big things so dont marry her.

Its decision time good luck

[dimitris]

Thanx Michelle!
Thanx everyone! I needed a click, and there it is. I went to the beach, I spent some time thinking about my future, my decisions, everything. And while I was counting pros and cons, everything started to come out easily. I love her too much, I want to spend my life with her, and I have to learn to accept that she enjoys some simple things more than me who some times enjoys knowledge and complicating the day. I always knew I can not live without her, I just kept on struggling, thinking that maybe out there there is another her, so beautiful, caring, loving kids, good at work, optimistic and making my life colorful, plus a great philosopher
Thank you all guys, it came out simply though. I told her I want her to be the mother of my future children, and now I feel relieved... I will be ordering the engagement ring this week, so, I wish you all happiness. Cheers !

[fearoflove]

Guys come up with the stupidest reason to run away from marriage.

[HeartIsAching]

And women come up with the stupidest reasons to get married.

[fearoflove]

Different socialization. Society is stupid.

[HeartIsAching]

Nah... different perspective. I loathe sexist/racist etc. blanket statements. I made one to point out yours.

[fearoflove]

Don't you think that guys usually have problems with commitment/marriage and women are usually the ones who wants it though? I think socialization has alot to do with it. That's what I notice. Not saying everyone is like that. But there is a tendency towards it.

[HeartIsAching]

Right, that's why I've been married four times.

No, I think that overall men are probably a little more cautious about getting married if they're not sure about the one they're with, and women often think they can "fix" what they think is "wrong" with men.

Women also have the added bonus of a biologic imperative to pair off and reproduce before a certain age.

But regardless, blanket statements regarding that are wrong.