What the hell has happened to me? (Infidelity)

[bearz]

It's not as clear, cut, and dry. It wasn't like some random woman walked up to him and said "**** me", and he did it. This was something that started way before they actually had oral sex. It's not about what they did that night, it's about his emotions and feelings that led up to it.

[Traveler94]

He was prob never put to the test before which made him think he had "morals".
But when he found himself alone with another woman who was eager all those "morals" went out the window

*sigh*

i feel so sorry for the wife. Noone deserves this and its even worse that hes gonna go home now and pretend to be the perfect husband and live a lie.

What really pains me is that it's quite the opposite. I've had plenty of chances to cheat with attractive women in the past but I have never had trouble resisting before, like not even remotely close to following through on something. I have no idea why this time is different and why I failed - big time. That scares me nearly as much as whatever consequences my actions will have. It's like all logic and reason that was previously mine just went right out the window.

[michelle23]

Smackie that is just a stereotype and its not true. I know loads of women who have a stronger sex drive than their partner, thousands of woman complain about their sex life on forums like this all the time.

As long as women like you make excuses for men by saying "they are men" they continue to get away with it.

How would you no whether their urge/instincts are stronger. You are a woman.

I would be just as hard on a woman who cheated as i am on men. What is your excuse for women cheating then if were so different to men?

The OP was driven by his emotions as bearz said-not his hormones. He was lonely, depressed, he was having an emotional affair which lead to him cheating. This wasnt even about sex-it was about him feeling like crap and she was there as a comfort.

It had nothing to do with animal instincts. Men and women are equal sexually, intellectually and emotionally.

The only ones who are driven by their hormones are sex addicts or men eho have abnormal levels of testosterone or vasopressin.

[michelle23]

Look OP i get that you feel really bad and i dont want to drive you to "jump off a bridge" or anything so ill stop grilling you.

All im gonna say is if i was your wife id prefer to no but i would leave and take the kids with me.

You cant take it back and if you get away it-the chances are you will do it again.

I dont think people really understand how much it hurts-it should not have happened.

[pcmaster]

Pcmaster that is total bullshit and you no it. I no men who have had a gorgeous girl lie down naked in front of him and practically beg for sex and he said no!
The reason he said no is coz he new she had a bf and new it was wrong.

Ive seen hundreds of stories like that on another infidelity forum so that crap does not wash with me.

I dont believe for a second you cant say no. Whatever!

I agree with you lol. Watching is easy that girl been showing her tits before and I didnt even look(got used how they look like 3 weeks ago when she showed them for first time you cant shock me twice with same thing)

BUT touch is diferent story - if you wont dodge it you will feel it. Chesmistry just kicks in and touch actually dont hurts so you dont pull away but let it happen - again natural reflexes - PAIN = RUN, PLEASURE= STAY. Feelings just cloud the thoughts feelings like pain and pleasure.

Maybe your man who said no to naked girl was well fed(or scared). But OP was on a trip for months(thats basicaly a caveman) ! As old saying says - Theres enought blood for only one head.

[michelle23]

Thats like saying men cant control themselves and we all no thats not true *sigh*

what about the bloke that was on here a few months back saying he was at a friends house, met a girl, they both got drunk, they cuddled and tslked for hours, she tried to initiate sex a few times-he said no-then he took her on a proper date a week later?

What about my cousins bf who told her hed prefer to take things slow and get to no each other better.

What about my bf who took things no further then touching the first time and refused to have sex without a condom the next morning? And i was horny as **** lol!

You can say that crap all you want-i no plenty of men who have lots of self control and want the emotional connection first..

[pcmaster]

These are good examples. I would say these guys are supermans, it takes some serious strenght lol.

But believe me when I say that after few months in celibate control level decreases. I actually once found myself going agressive on a girl and what took me back to reality was her screaming. I was in half sleep half awake state(24 hours with no sleep and 30+ days with no sex) There was other people around but I didnt care until she started to scream. Didnt felt any guilt or so. Just stoped, and next day she didnt even believe that im apologising about it. So it was cool.

[Traveler94]

Thats like saying men cant control themselves and we all no thats not true *sigh*

what about the bloke that was on here a few months back saying he was at a friends house, met a girl, they both got drunk, they cuddled and tslked for hours, she tried to initiate sex a few times-he said no-then he took her on a proper date a week later?

What about my cousins bf who told her hed prefer to take things slow and get to no each other better.

What about my bf who took things no further then touching the first time and refused to have sex without a condom the next morning? And i was horny as **** lol!

You can say that crap all you want-i no plenty of men who have lots of self control and want the emotional connection first..

There's the problem. I had the emotional connection at first which I guess just led to me being more susceptible to hormone driven awful decisions.

[michelle23]

It was an emotional affair and you need to cut all contact with her.

Pc master no offence but in reading that-it sounds like you have issues-sounds like attempted rape to me.. No these men are not supermen lol-just normal blokes.

I could give 100more examples but i need to wash my hair

[michelle23]

Btw even animals have self control. Watch the discovery channel. Its rare for rape to occur in the animal world.

Anyway the OP was driven by his emotions-not his hormones.

[Wakeup]

What really pains me is that it's quite the opposite. I've had plenty of chances to cheat with attractive women in the past but I have never had trouble resisting before, like not even remotely close to following through on something. I have no idea why this time is different and why I failed - big time. That scares me nearly as much as whatever consequences my actions will have. It's like all logic and reason that was previously mine just went right out the window.

You failed this time because you allowed yourself to become vulnerable to her through doing continuous date like activities with her, hanging out, becoming emotionally bonded. That is what happened this time and that is why you caved to the temptation. It's common sense why this happened. Do not put yourself in a position to become emotionally attached. It's much easier to say 'no' to a stranger then it is someone you've bonded with.

[dem862]

Yea, the first time is the hardest.

[Wakeup]

BTW and for what it's worth: Animals do not have self-control. It's one of the things that separates humans from the animal kingdom. Here's a good link on self-control: http://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/self-control

[basilandthyme]

Traveller, I'm sorry your thread has been derailed with bickering between members. It would be nice if people could focus on you instead of focusing on their personal agendas.

My advice: I also think you shouldn't tell your wife. Consider it a wakeup call and make some drastic changes instead.

You say that you're travelling to ensure the financial security of your family....however, this seems to be at the cost of your family's emotional security. You know, I'd rather be poor and with my husband there by my side than wealthy and him absent most of the time.

I suggest you resign from this position and get yourself back home with your family.

[dem862]

Even animals that mate for life, cheat once in a while. They don't tell.